From when i was a young I was always my mum's shadow, I would follow her everywhere. She was my best friend, we would do everything together. We would sit for hours watching crime related films or I would sit behind her and brush her hair. Every night before I would go to sleep I would always say "goodnight, I love you see you in the morning". Me and my mum would argue all the time but I still loved her. She was always my favourite person to come home from school to. I loved telling her about my day, I loved when she would let me help her cook. But some days my mum wasn't the best, she was an alcoholic. And I loved her beyond amounts but I hated seeing her struggle. It killed me so much inside to see her the way she was. She was never violent or aggressive when she was drunk, but she would say a lot of hurtful things to me and my brother. As I was getting older I started to realise my mum's drinking was getting out of control. It started to progress and get worse. So the social services got involved, they would come almost everyday. Due to the fact they thought my mum was abusing me. My mum never laid a finger on me unless I did something horribly wrong. Which was rare of me to do, as the time went on my mum realised she needed to stop. She started slowing down with the drinking just as we hoped she would, life started to get better and better each day. Until my mum met her friend from a long time ago, so my mum got back on the drinking again and because I couldn't handle seeing her that way so I started smoking weed, and I was smoking it 3-4 times a day. And then of course my mum started smoking it. At this time I was around the age of 13 not a very intelligent thing to do at a young age but my life was not the best at that time. When I reached the age of 14 we noticed my mum started to get ill, we imagined it was cancer somehow. She couldn't walk up nor down the stairs anymore, she couldn't get in or even out the bath without help. My mum went to hospital for a check up on a Saturday at 12pm. I brushed her hair before she went and clumps of her hair would just come out. When she left to go to hospital I rang her so many times and I would just ask "are you still coming home" and she'd always say "yes, now get off house phone before the bill goes up" I knew she wasn't coming home but I wanted to believe she was, you know? I was sat waiting for my mum to call to tell me she was coming home, but my mama rang me and told me I need to get some clothes and pyjamas because my mum's having an operation. So I did exactly that I got her all of her favourite stuff and packed them and went to my mamas. After my mum had her operation my dad took me to see her, and as soon as I saw her my heart broke. They wouldn't let her speak to me, the only thing she could say was "take are Ell out I don't want her to see me like this" I ended up walking out, it's heart breaking seeing your mum in that state. Or any loved family member. I went back to my best friends house, that's where I was stopping while my mum was in hospital. And later that day they ended up making a mistake which caused my mum to bleed. So she ended up having another operation, which that left her in a critical condition. They gave her 4 days to pull through and that would give her a chance at living. It came to the 2nd day where we went to see her and she was so small and frail. When we left my aunt sent out a message telling everyone they turned her life support machine off. When they didnt, she got it wrong. The next day I didn't hear any news about her so I assumed she was doing okay. I went on with my day as usual. Went to my grandads as that is where we was stopping while my grandad was away on holiday. Me and my dad sat back waiting to hear about my mum but nothing was said, so I went to bed hoping to wake up to a message from my mum. But instead I woke up to my dad calling my name, he then said "I wanted to tell you before you see on social media, you're mum's passed away" my heart sunk. My mum, my best friend, my life has just died. I lost hope in everything. I left school, I distanced myself from my family and friends. I wouldn't leave my house or even my bedroom. After my mum's passing. Life seemed to get worse. I didn't care about anything anymore. I started on weed again and then I started drinking. And then started to think what's the point.