Running is the only thing that I could think of right now with all the memories of the past that keep messing up with my head. I couldn’t think straight. Though I don’t know for how long I’ve been running, I know I couldn’t stop. I can’t stop. Not now.

All the memories keep playing inside my head back and forth. The people I’ve known for ages, and the smells of my familiar surroundings. It fucking messed up inside there. I give up everything, or maybe I had already given up a long time ago.

Perhaps.

I ran till my legs gave up, and I slump down in the middle of the road, not knowing where I am.

I looked up to the sky with a heavy sigh. Like a soldier lost his war, and I lost mine.

The rain came pouring down, heavy like a water spout. It feels the water filled my lungs, and I screamed so loud, but no one heard anything.

I’m drowning, drowning in memories.

It lingers to me like a wine-stained dress that I don’t want to wear anymore.

I can see a bright light from afar that blinded my eyes. A screech sounds like an animal crying for help and a smell of burning rubbers.

As I closed my eyes, I wish by the morning gone all the memories and the trace of him.

What I can see right now is black, like a perfect storm.

I could finally breathe.

…………………………………….

“What is she doing here?”

“She should be in jail by now.”

All the eyes, all the murmuring, all the anger is towards me.

The corridor to my locker feels like forever, and it took ages to reach it. The passage feels like it’s stretching up. It seems I couldn’t find the end of it.

I’m hurrying my pace and finally reach my locker to take my book for my morning class. When I open my locker, I got a surprise from my so-called friendly friends or whatever. When I open it, it’s filled with a white foam-like foam spray for insulation at home. It keeps pouring out of my locker, felt on the floor, and even on my shoes.

My brows knit because I’m furious and annoyed. I could felt my blood boiled to the head, and my ears are burning red from anger. They were totally out of the line, and I couldn’t help gritted my teeth.

I could hear them laughing at me, and all the eyes are on me like I'm in the middle of the court, and we were all waiting for a judge to determine my sentence, but before I could open my mouth to respond to whoever did this.

Jenna Owen, the most popular girl in the school just because her family is very influential. Jenna’s father is the mayor of this town. So, she thinks she is as powerful as her father. The common mistake of the children of a powerful family is they believe they are as mighty as their family. She thinks she could do anything to anyone without the consequences. Act as this school, and we all owe her somehow. To me, she is a basic bitch. The mean girl of this school.

Small face with long curly blonde hair with blue eyes like an ocean. Suppose Jenna could have basic manners and decent human beings. She could be more beautiful than this, honestly. But she chooses to be a basic white bitch. Unfortunately, her heart is ugly as her attitude. Her uniform and skirt are more tight and high than standard school uniform is allowed; I don’t think the school administrator approves it. BUT again, I don’t think she cares.

Jenna is always with her minions. Ari and Thea a perfect clowns. They came near me with the aura to show who has the power, who’s in control here. She wants to make me feel smalls around her, but I won’t just give up like that, not without a fight. Jenna with her hands folded to her chest with her arrogant smile that is undisguised disgust like I’m some kind of disease. Smile that I wish one day I will smudge it all over her face.

“Kai, honey. You shouldn’t be here. This school doesn’t need more trash because you know YOU ARE A MURDERER!” She exaggerated the last sentence in her high-pitched voice like an animal screech. So all the people in the corridor could hear her. She was saying this while she’s jabbed her fingers at my forehead. So, my forehead is tilted back and forth, and I’m looking like a stupid person there.

“Really?” I tilted my head with a smirk smile that hinted that she got nothing on me.

I’m bitting my thumb, and a chuckle slipped from my mouth just enough to give her the irritation. Suddenly I stop smiling and look her in the eyes. “Is this enough to satisfied your inner bitch?” then I tilted my eyebrow in question.

I don’t care what everyone would say about me or thinks about me. But, touch me. I might bite back.

Jenna lost her marbles; she was ready to flip all her calm-diva demeanor. She’s like a lion ready to pounce on her prey. Jenna clenched her hands, and her face distorted in anger, which is ugly. She’s unclenched one of her hands and ready to slap me right on my face. I already embraced myself, prepared to hear a ringing sound in my ear from her slap, and when the sound echoed through the whole corridor like we were some kind of circus entertainment. What is missing here is popcorn.

Her hand almost touches my face, and that’s what I’m aiming for. So, I had all the reason to give her a bloody eye that will be lasting at least a week, maybe.

BAM!

Someone just closed the locker door in a loud banging that resonated through the whole corridor. Immediately all the eyes directly to the sound.

“Everything she touches, everything that is near her. She only brings death. Don’t waste your time on it, Jenna. She’s not worth it.” I can tell just by the voice itself. “Shit!” I already cursed inside my head.

Nero was looking at me for a second and changed his gaze to Jenna. He holds his backpack with one strap and puts the bag on his back; like a cool guy, except I don’t think he is cool, but he is cruel.

But Jenna, on the other hand, already flipped her character from a hungry lion to a sweet girl behavior in a split second. Wow, just wow.

“Nero!” said Jenna in her cheerful voice while clutching Nero’s elbow and bouncing up and down that makes her boobs look more evident than they are. She’s followed him like her life is depends on it. Her minions suit her after. Jenna’s clowns follow her wherever she goes like she’s put some leash on their necks.

Jenna was smiling like a stupid person while Nero never took an interest in her.

Jenna looked at me, flipped her hair back, and with a proud face, followed him like a puppy who keeps asking him what he wants for lunch.

Nero Damien is the guy that almost every girl in this school fancy, that includes Jenna itself. Nero is smart, and he came from a wealthy and respectful family. A person you should have in your circle if you want to build a good reputation in the school. You need to be on his good side, and he’s the person you don’t want to mess with. Otherwise, you were living hell.

Oh, but Nero hates me the most. If I were him, I also would hate myself to the core.

Eventually, everyone also dispersed as there’s nothing else to see anymore. I rolled my eyes from what I witnessed just now—so much drama and gossips, and I’m one of the gossips.

RINGGGGGG!

That’s a sign for the class to start.

“Gosh! I better just wipe my shoes first, and during lunch, I will clean them more at the restroom and sort out my locker. Everything is such a mess! I hope this day would be over soon.” I mutter these words inside my head while wiping my shoes using tissue that I take out from my tote bag. I put the tissue in the trash bin near my class door, and I proceed straights to my table.

While I’m in my class, I couldn’t focus on the subject nor what the teacher says, but instead, my mind goes back to the events where my life was much better. It keeps playing in my mind over and over again. It’s like I like the idea of being torture by it.

That day, I wish.

I genuinely wish I’m the one who dies instead of her. So, I would not feel this guilt. Guilt that I will carry for the rest of my life until I’m dead. It feels like you stab your wounds with a knife repeatedly without letting the wounds heal. And a matter of fact, I don’t want that wounds to heal at all because I think I deserve it. She gives me her life. A life that I don’t deserve.

If I had a chance to travel back time or wishes that I could use, I want to bring her back.

Just to see her smile, counsel, and encouragement, have once more or a thousand times more breakfast and dinner with her, and listen to her telling me jokes and all the story about how wonderful life is or could be.

At least to had a chance to say I’m glad I have her in my life, and she means everything to me. Because I never could forgive myself for this.

Never.