TRIS.
From a young age, i have always been searching for something, my mother gave me up for adoption at the age of six. My dad died before i was born. So i pretty much had no family after that. I later learnt that, it's not that my mother didn't want children, she just didn't want me. She went on to get married anf have two more kids and a new family. I always wondered why she gave me up, until i killed my first boyfriend. Of course i didn't know i was the reason behind his death. But soon enough i learned.
Ethan was the first boy i had a crush on, the first boy who liked me, he told me he loved me during our prom. We had just started going out, everything felt amazing like it was a fairy tale. He was sweet, he liked all the same things that i did. We would always hang out in the foster care. He was always kind to me and he was my only friend. Until on that fateful afternoon when i kissed him and told him i loved him.
He died on the spot.
Ofcourse i didn't know i was the cause of his death, it was ruled a heart attack. But how often do teenage boys have heart attacks? I thought his death stuck with me that night, but something else stuck with me. When i told him i loved him, he was astonished, i thought maybe he thought i didn't like him as much as he did. But over the years, i have seen that same look he gave me that night a couple of more times.
The second time it happened i was in college, his name was Kyle. We went out on several dates, i said i loved him first, we were out for dinner in this fancy restaurant, i said i loved him and he gave me the same exact look, Ethan had given me four years ago. He died on the spot. They said his heart just stopped beating. He was only twenty three years old.
It was during his funeral that i realized, something was wrong with me, it was no coincidence the two men i had fallen in love with, the moment i said the three magic words, they dropped dead.
I was cursed.
PRESENT.
"So what are we having? Whiskey? Soda? Wine? You look like a wine person, do you need a minute? The bartender asks me, as i settle into an empty chair.
" Any chance i can get a cosmo?" i ask looking around.
" Nope, but i have all the hard stuff."
" Make it a shot of Jack Daniels." i say looking around the empty bar. Its a little past midnight now. And then i spot him. He is tall, broad shoulders. He has tattoos that slide all the way up to his shirt sleeves, his shirt is purple in color which compliments his skin well.
He is about ten feet away, but there's enough light that i can see his eyes as they slowly drag over my body without revealing a single thought. This guy holds his cards well.
The bartender glides back to me with my drink, i loose concentration of the guy i was watching watch me for a moment. I look up at him again, now he is standing up. I look at his face and casually absorb him. He is one beautiful man. He is got eyes that seem like they have seen a thing or two, and hands that have probably hit a man or two. His hair is fluid like his movements. Long, dark strands that hang in his eyes and move whatever direction he moves. He doesn't touch his hair, he hasn't since i have been sitting here. He just let's it get in his way, but then he will flick his head every now and then. I watch him as he disappears slowly and am left there alone with my thoughts.
As soon as the bartender walks away and gives his attention to someone else, i take the shot of tequila and close my eyes and cry because life can be so fucking cruel and hard. I have wanted to quit living for the longest time now, but then moments like this remind me that happiness isn't some permanent thing we are all trying to achieve in life. It's merely a thing that shows up every now and then, sometimes in tiny doses that are substantial enough to keep us going.
I take a joint from my bag and step outside on the patio of the bar.
It takes me a second to realise the man, the beautiful man with thick hair was standing at the ledge of the patio. He let's out a rush of air, as if seeing me had him actually holding his breath. I can't help how unfortunately cute he is upclose.
No, cute is an insult actually.
This guy is beautiful, well manicured, smells like money, looks to be several years older than i am. His eyes crinkle in the corner as they follow me, and his lips seem to frown even when they aren't. I can tell he is the type of guy that people respect and are easily impressed by. I take hit of my joint as he watches me.