"Mom, are you really okay?" I barely took a sip of what I was drinking and focused on my son"s said.
"You"re spacing out. Is there a problem at work?"
I shook my head. Ronan should no longer be affected by my thoughts.
But why is that? Why can"t I forget his face?
"Alright, I"m the one who"ll order. Just wait here, Ma. Is it the usual?"
I nodded. "Yes, son. The usual."
We have been here often because it has been Ronan"s favorite place ever since. Almost all of his favorite foods are here.
I organized myself and prepared myself for food. It can"t be what I"m thinking. Later, I"m sure my smart son will think that.
In less than ten minutes, he was back with my order. I looked up and saw a bothered face.
"Son, what happened to you? You"re pale." I quickly took care of him and rubbed his forehead. He didn"t have a fever. In fact, his face was even cold.
"I"m fine, Ma. It"s just that there is this guy, he talked to me. He told me, ‘Hey man. You have beautiful company. Is she your girlfriend?" I burst out laughing not because of his story but because of the irritation on his face.
Ever since Ronan has been really protective. So maybe for seventeen years, I haven"t had a boyfriend again even though Cassie has been teasing me, making me go into dates.
"Mom, why are you laughing? It irritates me!"
I tried my best to look serious, pretending to be just listening to him, but I really wanted to laugh at the back of my mind.
My son"s so sweet!
"Oh, what happened? How did you get the man away?" I asked as I started to eat after recovering from the laughter.
"I told him, ‘What do you want from her? And yes, she"s my girlfriend. Back off.""
I could almost swallow what I was eating with laughter. It"s normal for Ronan to be like this, that"s the reason he uses for men to stay away from me but only now have I seen him so irritated.
"I don"t like him, Ma . When you see that you"ll say he"s handsome, maybe you"ll like him more." He also started eating. He put his favorite foods first before he went straight to the restaurant for his lunch.
I ate the food again before speaking. "Is he really handsome?" I gave him a pissed off smile. It"s even more irritating.
"Mom! Your son is more handsome than that Knoxx." I almost fall into my chair at the familiar name I"ve heard. I must have lost all blood on my face.
"Come on, Ma. Let"s eat; I don"t want to be late for my afternoon class." I just tried to nod and then continued eating.
You"ve got to be kidding me. Why now? Why now, after 17 years? If Ronan had to accept that his father was gone?
Our life has been fine in recent years without him around. What really happened to him? Why did he just show up now?
After we ate, I immediately drove Ronan to his school. Then I went straight home to prepare the speech needed for Friday.
I had to distract myself from work to reduce thinking.
No.
I couldn"t distract myself because Knoxx never left my mind all day long.
I was able to roll on the bed or not jump so that I would have washed out the bad thoughts.
I turned the laptop in the front again to see the few there. Not even 1/4 of what I had to do.
I dropped myself on the bed, then covered my face with a pillow. I hate it!
Get out of my brain, Knoxx!
"Ma?! Are you okay?" I felt the haste in Ronan"s voice. When he got close, he immediately pulled me upright.
"Mommy! I thought there"s something that happened to you."
My shoulder just dropped. Ronan"s gaze followed which was now on my laptop.
He hugged me tightly. In an instant, all my tiredness was gone. "I"m home, Ma. And I got no homework. How about we eat then I"ll help you with that?"
I have done nothing else. I"d better cook for dinner first before stuffing into my brain what to do.
Is my system affected just because we met that guy?
But still! What if we talked?
Well, I don"t think we"ll talk anymore but—
"Mom, the spoon you"re going to shove into your mouth is empty."
I can not take it anymore. I give up.
Oh, please, leave me alone.
I took another deep breath, then smiled broadly at my child. "I"ll just taste if the spoon tastes good, Ronan."
My son was shaken before he burst out laughing.
This should be over soon.
Now that I knew he was possibly just here somewhere, I had to avoid the places he could go. I can"t lose myself now.
Not again. . . because I don"t want Ronan to worry about me anymore.
"Mom, seriously. . ." I just blinked while looking at the one in front. "Tell me. What"s the problem?"
I smiled at my child again, a symbol of surrender, but no - I will never let Ronan get involved in this.
When my cellphone vibrated, I immediately picked it up. Maybe Mr. Andrade and has something important to say. Ronan turned to my laptop first and started reading there.
I stared at the child for a moment. I know he also has the right to know and get to know his father, but I don"t want to let that happen anymore. Ronan and I are happy by ourselves. End of conversation.
I will no longer let Ronan into the mess of Knoxx and my life.
From: Unknown number
Hi!
From: Unknown number
This is Knoxx.