JAKE

　　The past five years had been a mess. Usually, around this time of year, Jake always thought back to five years ago. He was the happiest man then, and now, he was someone completely different and felt at times that he was still pretending. Sure he was grateful for how his life turned out. Kate Niagelli was beautiful, smart, and everything he looked for in a woman. She was even compatible with him, and a part of him did love her. Still, it wasn't the love he had. It felt as if Holly had died. She just vanished. What if she did die?

　　He always thought about that. Holly could've changed her mind about the baby.

　　His father told him what could happen, and death was at the top of the lists: her death, the baby, both.

　　If she died, he would never forgive himself and might be dead too.

　　Not that his life was far from it.

　　He should be happy. He had everything. A loving family, a beautiful son, even if Michaelwasn't from his loin, the boy was still his.

　　He had Kate, who dealt with so much of his shit. He didn't think that she would be here when he returned from Shanghai. And last, he was one hell of a neurologist.

　　The year he spent with Sam Huyo was the best that ever happened to his career. Jake climbed the ranks fast. His name meant something. He was one of the few doctors that were taking risks with life-threatening tumors. His surgeries were so full that he hardly had time to eat.

　　He was engaged to Kate. Almost a year now and in eleven months, he was going to say I do. But still, whenever July started, and Boston blossomed, he always thought of Holly, of his life, and what it could've been if she stayed.

　　He wondered so much about that time still. He believed his mother, but there was that small part that he would always wonder about.

　　Did she really do it?

　　His beeper went off.

　　The new intern was here.

　　He got a call from Frank Edwards, his godfather, and he told Jake about this boy. He was going to do his internship in Seattle. When Frank's hospital lost the teaching status a few months back, all their interns and residents had to find new placements. They got Rodney Bullucio. Jake saw his file, he worked a lot with Dr. Somers. Jake didn't even know the old man was still at large. He ran a free clinic, but the letter Dr. Somers wrote on Rodney's behalf, supported what his Godfather had told him. Frank said that if Rodney got the right mentor, he would become a second him. Frank begged Jake to look out for the boy.

　　He rushed to the reception. The intern, reasonably good looking, mixed race with baby blue eyes, stood in front of the reception. Jake shook his head. This kid really has the blueprint of what it takes to become a second him.

　　Rodney smiled and make a few jokes at the ladies behind the reception as he filled in an information sheet. Jake stopped at Reception.

　　Rodney looked up as Jake spoke to Mildred. She reminded him so much of Aggy, and he was still furious with Kate about getting her fired.

　　She was working now at Downsend.

　　He could feel the intern's eyes on him as he finished with Mildred.

　　"Hi, sorry." Rodney approached him. "I know you are busy and probably don't even care about an intern, but can I say, I really admire what you are trying to do." He smiled with his hand stretch out in front of Jake to shake.

　　"Rodney Bullucio." Jake smiled and shook his hand.

　　Rodney's eyes raised in surprise. "You know my name?"

　　"Yes, I've heard some stories about how you will give me a run for my money." Jake teased.

　　"Damn, now my master plan is ruined." He joked.

　　Jake and Mildred laughed. "Come, let me show you around."

　　"You serious?"

　　"Yes, believe it or not, I've been waiting a long time for an intern like you."

　　"Like me?” Rod sounded shocked.

　　"I've seen your file, that letter from Somers is a keeper and I got an interesting phone call from Frank Edwards."

　　"You know, Dr. Edwards?"

　　"Very well, and he asked me to keep an eye on you."

　　"Keep an eye on me?"

　　"This world needs more doctors who are willing to take chances and stop playing it safe.Don't you agree?”

　　"I do." He smiled and mumbled something about Frank underneath his breath. Probably that he would strangle him if he saw him again for not telling him that he personally knew Jake Peters.

　　"So, let's see what you can do, and we'll take it from there."

　　"You gotta be shitting me. I'm dreaming. This is one of those dreams, and I'm going to wake up soon."

　　Jake punched him against the arm, and he retreated slightly as he rubbed it.

　　"You felt it?"

　　"Yes."

　　"You're not dreaming."

　　He laughed, and Jake took him around P&E.

　　They talk about many of Sam Huyo's surgeries, and Frank was right, the boy was just like him. Eager, just like he was when he started out.

　　He dropped him off at the cafeteria and told him that he would see him first thing tomorrow morning to see what he had.

　　"The others are not going to like me a lot, are they?"

　　"I don't care about others. We need to get you the best you can be. That is if you have what it takes. It's not much of a life if you are the best."

　　"I really do not care."

　　"It's what you say now," Jake said with a tug around his lips, turned around, and walked away. He felt sorry for the poor kid. Maverick and Debbie, both in their third year, who was learning under Jake, was probably going to rip Rod apart.

　　Tomorrow he would see if there was something to the boy the way Frank and Somers were saying.

　　He went home around five, picked Michael up from Lilly, Kate's mom, and took the drive with the quiet two-year-old at the back home.

　　Felix rushed up to the car.

　　"Hello, boy." Jake ruffled him up. He needed to take a walk with him, throw some ball andget some of his energy levels down.

　　The Great Dane loved Michael.

　　Jake took Michael out of the car and went inside.

　　Kate was still busy with surgery, and tonight was Chinese.

　　He cut some sweet and sour pork dumplings for Michael and ate his Black Oyster.

　　He loved Black Oyster Beef.

　　He got Kate the cashew nut and chicken dish, and after they ate, he gave Michael a bath.

　　He looked at his two-year-old and hated that he was thinking now about a four-year-old that should've been.

　　He always dreamed about the baby being a boy.

　　He would've looked just like Holly, maybe had his eyes, her curls.

　　It still pained his heart. He couldn't breathe at times.

　　Not to mention the strawberry blonde he saw in the supermarket.

　　He always saw Holly's face, and then it slowly changed into whoever that person was.

　　He never used to see so many strawberry blondes, but now that he was done with his shit of screwing each one he came across, they were popping up like daisies, tempting him.

　　He wondered if he would ever go back to who he used to be.

　　He changed so much the past five years that it felt impossible.

　　After the bath, he played for an hour with Mickey, and he put him to sleep.

　　Kate only came home around ten.

　　She looked tired, but when she climbed on Jake's lap, he knew she wasn't that tired.

　　They made love, and then she passed out.

　　He tried it once with Kate, the way Holly used to sit on him, but she cried out in pain, and he never tried it again.

　　He always ended up in the bathroom, whacking off.

　　He wondered if he would get over Holly if there would be a year that he wouldn't think about her. A July where he would stop imagining what his life would have been like if shedidn't leave, and April that he couldn't imagine what his baby would've looked like. Christmases, Halloweens. He just wanted one year where he would just not think about what if. Just one year.