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A Pickle For The Knowing Ones

A Pickle For The Knowing Ones

Author:Lord Timothy Dexter


Timothy Dexter, the author of the following curious and unique production, entitled "A Pickle for the Knowing Ones," which is here re-printed verbatim et spellatim from the original edition, was born in Malden, January 22, 1747. Having served an apprenticeship with a leather dresser, he commenced business in Newburyport shortly after he was one and twenty, and being industrious and economical, he soon found himself in good circumstances. In the year 1770 he married, and receiving a considerable amount of money with his wife, he was thus put in possession of a moderate fortune.
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  To mankind at Large the time is Com at Last the grat day of Regoising

  what is that why I will tell you thous three kings is Rased Rased you

  meane should know Rased on the first Royal Arch in the world olmost Not

  quite but very hiw up upon so thay are good mark to be scene so the

  womans Lik to see the frount and all people Loves to see them as the

  quakers will Com and peape slyly and feele glad and say houe the doue

  frind father Jorge washeton is in the senter king Addoms is at the Rite

  hand the present king at the Left hand father gorge with his hat on the

  other hats of the middel king with his sword king Addoms with his Cane

  in a grand poster Adtetoude turning his fass towards the first king as

  if they was on sum politicks king our present king he is stands hearing

  being younger and very deafe in short being one grat felosfer Looks well

  East & west and North & south deafe & very deafe the god of Natur has dun

  very much for our present king and all our former ones they are all good

  I want them to Live for Ever and I beleave thay will it is hard work to

  be A king--I say it is hardar than tilling the ground I know it is for I

  find it is hard work to be A Lord I dont desier the sound but to pleas

  the peopel at Large Let it gou to brak the way it dus for Asort ment

  to help a good Lafe to Cour the sick spleney goutey dul frames Lik my

  selfe with the goute and so on make merry a Chealy Christen is for me

  only be onnest No matter what they worshep son moune or stars or there

  wife or miss if onnest Live forever money wont gitt thous figers so fast

  as I wish I have sent to Leg horn for many mr bourr is one Amonks others

  I sent in the grand Crecham thous 3 kings Are plane white colow at present

  the Royal Arch & figers cost 39 pound wate silver the hiest Councaton

  order in the world so it is sade by the knowing one I have only 4 Lions

  & 1 Lam up the spred Eagel has bin up 3 years upon the Coupelay I have 13

  billors front in strat Row for 13 states when we begun 3 in the Rear 15

  foot hie 4 more on the grass see 2 the same hath at the Rite of the grand

  Arch 2 at the left wing 15 foot hie the Arch 17 foot hie the my hous is

  3 sorey upwards of 290 feet round the hous Nater has formed the ground

  Eaquel to what you would wish for the Art by man Eaquel to a Solomun

  the onerabel Jonathan Jackson one of the first in this Country for tast

  borne A grat man by Nater then the best Lurning what sot me fored for

  my plan having so gran spot the hool of the world Cant Excead this to

  thous that dont know would think I was Like halfe the world A Lier I

  have traveled good deale but old steady men sayeth it is the first that

  it is the first best in this Contry & others Contrey I tell you this the

  trouth that None of you grat men wodent be A frunted at my preseadens &

  I spare Now Cost in the work I have the tempel of Reason in my garding

  3 years past with a toume under it on the Eage of the grass see it cost

  98 gineys besides the Coffen panted whit in side and out side tuched with

  green Nobel trimings uncommon Lock so I can tak the kee in side and haye

  fier works in the toume pipes and tobacker & A speaking trumpet and &

  bibel to Read & sum good songs

  What is a presedent answer A king bonne partey the grate has as much

  power as A king and ort to have & it is a massey he has for the good of

  mankind he has as much power as Any king for grat ways back there must be

  A head sum whare or the peopel is Lost Lik wild gees when thay Lous the

  gander two Leged want A head if fore Leged both & 2 Leged fouls the Name

  of presedent is to pleas the peopel at Large the sound souts best Now in

  the south give way to the North the North give way to the south or by &

  by you will brake what falers be wise on keep the Links to gether and if

  you cant A gree Consoalated to A kingly power for you must keep together

  at the wost hear it Labers ye les see there is so many men wants be the

  all offesers & Now sogers poor king Every day wants A bone sum more then

  others the king cant Live without the feald wee have had our turne grat

  good father Addoms turne & turne About Rest Easey you all will be pleased

  with the present king give time all did I say Now but the magor part

  fore fifths at least.


  Frinds hear me 2 granadears goss up in 20 days fourder frinds I will tell

  the A tipe of man kind what is that 35 or 36 years gone A town caled

  Noubry all won the Younited states Noubry peopel kept to gether quiet

  till the Larned groed strong the farmers was 12 out of 20 thay wanted to

  have the offesers in the Contry the Eaned in the see port wanted to have

  them there geering A Rose groued warme fite thay wood in Law thay went

  the Jnrel Cort to be sot of finely thay go there Eands Answered the see

  port caled Newbury Port 600 Eakers of Land out of thirty thousand Eakers

  of good Land so much for mad peopel of Larning makes them mad if thay

  had kept to gether they wood have bin the sekent town in this stat A

  bout halfe of boston Now men mad to be in offess it hurts the peopel ot

  Large Like Carying the Innegent Lam to the slarter Now it would done to

  dewide the North from the south all won what I have Leade down but now

  keep to gether it is Like man and wife in troue Love Now guving death

  in the grander you will sous the glory I say keep to gether dont brak

  the Chane Renoue brotherle Love Never fade Like my box in my garding

  be one grat familey give way to one A Nother thous changes is the tide

  hie warter & Loue warte hie tids & Loue tids for my part I have Liked

  all the kings all three all our broken marchants cant have beaths of

  proffett gone and till the ground goue to work is all that has bin to

  Coleage goue with slipers and promis to pay and Never pay only with A

  Lye I gess 4 fifths is Coleage Lant or devel Lant or pretended to be

  onnest free masions but are to the Contrey for give me for gessing I

  hope it is Not so the Leaned is for Leovs & Littel fishes moses was but

  A man and Aaron thay had sum devel like my selfe man is the same give

  him power I say the Cloak Cukement maters the worst of cheats we hant

  got ony N Port wee are Noted to be the first in the North sabed Day is

  Not halfe A Nuf Night meatens it maks work for the Docters and Nuses

  Caaching Could but them Lives breed fast to mak up for them that dies

  poor creaters I pittey them so preast Riden it is wickard to leave poor

  sols in to the grave all our minesters are imported Very good men foull

  of Love of Crist I kep them A mit Amen at present.

  The yong man that doth most all my Carving his work is much Liked by

  our grat men I felt founney one day I thort I would ask sade young man

  whare he was bone he sade Now whare what is all that Now whare was your

  mother over shaderd I says my mother was if I was to gess No I tell in

  Now town borne o on the water I says you beat me and so wee Lafed and

  it shuk of the spleane shoue him A Crows Neast he can carve one A fine

  fellow--I shold had all marbel if any bodey could to me the prise so I

  have sent for 8 busts for kings and grat men and 1 Lion & 2 gray hounds

  I hope to hear in foue Days to all onnest men


  mister printter I must goue sum fourder I have got one good pen my fortin

  has bin hard very hard that is I have hard Noks on my head 4 difrent times

  from A boy to this Day twice taken up for dead two beating was a Lawyer

  then he was mad be Case the peopel at Large Declared me Lord Dexter

  king of Chester this at my Contrey seet 26 mils from N Port my plase

  there is the fist from solt water to Canedy----this Lawyer that broused

  me was Judg Livermore son Arther the same Creater borid 200 dolors sum

  monts be fore this & then Oaded me he beat his bene factter it has bin my

  Luck to be yoused ten times wos by them I doue the most for I have Lost

  first and Last as much as A tun of silver grose my wife that was had

  400 wut of silver Abraham bishup that married my dafter ten years gone

  him & shee sence then & my son Samuel L Dexter upwards of seventeene

  thousand Dolors the Rest by hamsher Col by Rougs has gokbey sekkent

  handed preasts Deakens gruntters whimers Every foue minnets A sith or

  Christ wee must be Leave in Crist o o Jeases will save us I thinks sum

  times the saving solt & smoak & solt peater will in time be very dear

  if it is yous the more smoak or the preasts will be out of work Littel

  Like fister france I Lade out A blan to have holerdays one Day in ten 24

  years gone I thort it would save the Natision grat Deale of money sir in

  one sentrey then the preasts wood have time to studdery then hamer Down

  smartly make the sulffer smoak in their Nostils under the Cloak of bread

  & wine the hipecricks Cloven foots thay Doue it to get power to Lie and

  Not be mistruested all wars mostly by the suf the broken marchents are

  fond of war for thay hant Nothing to Lous & the minesters in all wars

  the Case o god Leave the Divel out when it is all Divel If you can bare

  the trouth I will tell the trouth man is the best Annemel and the worst

  all men are more or less the Divel but there is sit of ods sum halfe sum

  three qurters the other part beast of Difrent kind of beasts sum one thing

  and sum a Nother sum Like a Dog sum Lik horses sum bare sum Cat sum Lion

  sum lik ouls sum a monkey sum wild Cat sum Lam sum A Dove sum a hogg sum

  a oxe sum a snake I want Desepons to be Dun A way but thay wont Never be

  as Long os prist Riden what Doue the preast prech to the Divel for all

  there hearaes old & youn more or Less the Divel I Liked to sade so Divel

  preaches to Divels Rebouking sin keep it up up up sayeth the hipacrits

  mockers of god habits an Costom is the ods ods maks the diffrence I sees

  god in all plases the god of Nater in all things wee Live and move in

  god he is the god of Nateer all Nater is god take one Ellement from us

  one of the fore take the fier or the water or or Eare or Earth wee are

  gone so wee Live in god Now Less us all be good children doue all things

  Rite the strong must bare the Infremiteys of the wicked shildren keep up

  tite Laws Draw the Ranes Littel harder stop theavs as fast as you can bad

  trade sheuuing Nine Numbers was Rot in 23 owers when I had hold of the pen

  five owers & 35 minnets A sort ment A sort ment is good in A shop--------

  The preasts fixes there goods six days then thay open shop on sundays

  to sell there goods sum sets them of better than others bolerhed when

  a man is so week he wont doue for A Lawyer mak a preast of him for week

  thing to goue with week things the blind to Lead the blind so thay may

  fall into one Dich and so thay goue throue the world darkiness but foue

  peopel have A pinion of there one Not one in twenty as to this world

  goods and so it is as to the other world to Inquire the way goue to a

  fryer our peopel A bout the same thing only call it sumthing Else in

  Rum of a king call it presedent but preasts have money to save sols I

  want to know what a sole is I wish to see one Not a gizard I thinks the

  sole is the thinking part there is grat minds & Littel minds grat sols &

  Littel sols grat minds & littel minds According to the hevdey boddeys

  that has the power of our boddeys the same mother and the same father

  and six children how thay will differ in Looks complexions and axons sum

  for grat thing sum for littel things sumthing Nouw I say I say my figers

  will pay Intress money prove it first going over my brige sum more tole

  then helping the markett of the town Leeting hoses tavern keepers costom

  the honner to the town & my self.


  one thing fourder I have bin convarted upwards 30 years quite Resined

  for the day the grat day I wish the preast Node as much as I think I

  doue there harts would Leap up to glory to be so Reader for the time

  of Rejoisng to goue to goue to be maried to what a fine widow with hur

  lamp bourning the Lamps trimed with glorey the shaking quickers after

  thay git convarted and there sins washed A way thay stay at home & Let

  theus goue unclene and so it is much so with me I stay at home praying

  for theavs and Rougs to be saved Day and Night praying for siners poour

  creaters my hous keeper is in the dark was then bad Crasey to be saved

  shee says shee has sind against the holey gost I have Asked her what is

  shee says it is sumthing but cant find out way sends for the preast coms

  what is the mater gost gost Dear sir & the minester makes a prayer the

  gost went of mostly not all part stayed behind shee has bin Crasey Ever

  sence the prest cant Lay the sepont houe many Nick Names three things

  have so sayeth the preacher Amen Amen see fath I du

  Noue mister printer _sir_ I was at Noue haven 7 years and seven monts

  past at commencent Degrees going on 40 boys was tuck degrees to doue

  good or Not good the ole man with the hat on told them to suddey houeman

  Nater & walk as A band of brothers from that day I thort that all thous

  that was baot up to Coleage the meaning was to git there Liveing out

  of the Labeer If the Coleages was to continer one sentrey & keep up

  the game recken the cost of All from there cradel to 22 years old all

  there fathers and gurd inands to Lay out one houndred years intress &

  intress upon intress atress gess at it & cast it see houe many houndred

  thousand millons of Dolors it would Com to to mad Rougs and theavs to

  plunder the Labering man that sweats to git his bread good common Laning

  is the best sum good books is best well under stoud be onnest dont be

  preast Riden it is a cheat all be onnest in all things Now feare Let

  this goue as you find it my way speling houe is the strangest man


  fourder mister for A minester to git the tone is a grat pint when I

  lived in hamsher one Noue Lit babstis babler sobed A way just fineshing

  his sermon he says o good Lord I hop you will consider what foue hints

  I have given and I will cleare it up sum time hence I am much wore down

  now the wether being very worme to day Less bray & so went on fire fire

  & brimstone & grunting & fithing and tried to cry & snufel & blow the

  sconks horne & sum the old souls & yong fouls sot to crying I tuck my

  hat and went out houe mankind & women kind is imposed upon all over the

  world more or less by preast craft o for shame o for shame I pittey them

  be onnest doue as you would wish others to doue unto you in all things

  Now fear of Death Amen

  T D'r

  fourder what difrent wous wee have of this world & the other world two

  good women Lived in A town whare I once lived one was sick of a consumson

  Near Death both belonged to the Church very onnest only the well woman

  was week in wous & thing says unto the sik woman I thinks you will see

  my housbon doue tell him I and my son A greus very well and wee are all

  well and the sow is piged and got seaven prittey pigs and fare you well

  sister this I beleave is serting troue & so fare the well--I shall com

  A gane in Littel while

  and fourdermore I am for sum foue Decephons but very foue fouer then

  Deathe preast craft is very good for what to make old women gront and

  yong children cry and old fouls fling snort o ye's and brak up farimeys

  Doun by untrouths Lying and swaring to A Lye stop I am a Live old me

  I have heard your wickard stuff you have ingerd my frinds a plenty and

  if you dont stop I will call forth one Abraham bishup to put Niklos and

  all that trys to keep up Lying if there should be any such stuf in the

  Land Church members pant to be fonnd of Desepchon thay are perfect but

  if there is any put them with the tufe bourne the Roubege pise on it or

  that feare Not wind or filth go by the Rackel breed and wos then tourd

  I Like to sade Now shite stink strong bread & wine master botill houe

  is the boull a black man a frind to John mekel jentel man from A Crows

  Nest Whare Now where ass Cole cole ass whare whare Now whare o yefs sum

  whare deare oilen Now the Ingons Lived there onle that Cant be he was

  from hell whare his or was brother came from oyes oyess o yess a Crows

  Neast or orgen pouler Down