Climbing a mountain was no easy feat but dragging a frightened deer with me made the exercise more daunting. The sun beat down on me and my stomach rumbled but I gritted my teeth and continued to climb up the mountain of miracles. The ‘priestesses’ leading me up the mountain paused at intervals to give me withering glares that seemed to reproach me, reminding me that I could not be lazy if I wanted a child. Until I had a child, there would be no reprieve for me.
“Goddess, please,” I muttered to myself, “please, just one child – one baby – please –“
After five years of being mated to an Alpha without birthing an heir or even getting pregnant once, people no longer spoke behind my back; they called me barren to my face. The only way I could save myself and my marriage was to get pregnant as soon as possible.
My legs ached as I climbed, my hands were injured from pulling on the rope attached to the deer. The sun roasted my skin and my vision turned white every ten minutes but I continued up the mountain. I had tried everything I could in the last five years and it was starting to feel as if I was running out of options.
After the gruelling feat of climbing, we reached the top of the mountain and as I had been instructed beforehand, I took out a knife and slaughtered the deer, muttering the strange words the priestesses had taught me. The top of the mountain was stained with blood from others that had performed sacrifices before me.
As I slaughtered the deer and muttered the strange words, my wolf paced in discomfort while tears gathered in my eyes. Guilt ate at me. What I was doing was sacrilegious to the goddess but desperation pushed me to this point.
When I was done with the ritual, I had to drink the blood of the lifeless deer in front of me. I went on my knees with tears in my eyes and put my lips on the dead animal, my stomach revolting and my heart squeezing. The tears fell.
“Why are you crying?” One of the priestesses scolded. “This is the time for you to rejoice.” I nodded, rising as I wiped my lips of the animal’s blood.
“Yes, look at the rainbow over there.” The other priestess pointed to the sky. I looked up but only met the harsh glare of the blazing sun. “Rejoice for the supreme god has granted your request.’
“Yes,” I muttered but the tears did not stop falling.
“You may leave now. We will remain here to pray for you for the next fourteen days,” the priestesses said and I nodded. “What are you waiting for? Leave immediately!” I staggered at the harsh shout and proceeded to stumble down the mountain.
It did not feel like I had received a miracle. Although the priestesses told me even the smallest of doubt in my heart would hinder my miracle, I could not help but think I had wasted my time and money.
‘Your miracle is on the way, Channy,” I muttered to myself, holding my stomach. “You’ll have a baby in nine months, just believe.”
Going down the mountain should have been easier but it was not. My stomach turned and my legs ached. I paused once to throw up and even after getting to the foot of the mountain, I had to make a long trek to where I parked.
The sun was setting when I entered my car. Upon checking my phone, I met zero missed calls. Although I had been gone all day, my mate did not bother checking up on me. He knew where I went, had rolled his eyes when I told him I was visiting the mountain of miracles but said nothing to me.
He spoke to me less and less with each passing day and sometimes I caught him staring at me in disgust. It hurt my heart but what could I do? It only fueled my desperation. Everything around me was falling apart because I could not conceive. If only I could get pregnant, things would be better. My mate would look at me with love once again, my pack mates would respect me again and my mother-in-law would not turn up her nose every time she saw me.
“Goddess, please –“ I felt unworthy of calling the goddess’ name after what I just did but I was at the end of my tether. I had tried everything; Volunteered at nurseries, done all the tests the doctors recommended, donated to the temple, everything I could think of had been done but all to no avail. My stomach was still flat and getting flatter as I lost weight.
It was a long drive back home and when I got back, it was almost midnight. The lights were turned off and I heard my mate snoring inside. I could not even doze off on nights when he returned home late from work.
I brushed my teeth as thoroughly as I could and washed my body of all the grime and sweat clinging to me. Then I dressed in the lingerie I bought a few months ago but never got to try out.
“Jackson,” I whispered my mate’s name, biting my lips as he flinched but continued to snore. I didn’t want to disturb his sleep but the priestess told me it would be tonight. I had to conceive tonight. “Jackson – baby –“ I tapped his shoulder. “I am back.”
After five minutes of shaking my mate, he finally opened his eyes. The look of loathing I saw in his eyes before he blinked made me flinch.
“I thought you would live in the mountains with them for a while,” he mumbled as he rubbed his eyes. “What do you want?”
“No – I just – Do you want to –“ I gestured at my body in case he missed the sexy black lingerie I put on just for him.
“No matter how many times I hit, nothing changes. I am tired.” He put a pillow over his face which muffled his remaining words. “I am not interested.”
“But Jackson, this is different! I know it! We can make a baby tonight!” I grabbed his hand and he shook off my grip.
“You’ve said that more times than I can count, Chantelle,” he hissed, pulling the pillow from his face. “You are infertile. There will be no making a baby with you so leave me the hell alone to sleep.”
“But –“ I fought back tears. “This time it’s real – and even if – even if – do you not want to – at least for – for fun?” He looked at me with such cruel eyes that I shrunk away. Then he chuckled, the sound harsh enough to tighten my chest.
“For fun?” He snorted as he sat up. “Has sex with you ever been fun? All you know how to do is moan like a dying dog.”
“Jackson!” My throat tightened as I exclaimed.
Although I felt my mate pull away from me in the past few months, I never dreamt I would hear such mean words from him. My mate was one person who promised– swore an oath to me – to be by my side forever, to support and love me.
In the first years of our mating, we had explored each other everywhere in this house, from the bedroom to the kitchen. We had sex in his office, in the car, in the woods, and at his parents’ place sometimes. He wanted me all the time and with him, I learnt to enjoy the thrill of getting frisky in unexpected places. I hadn’t imagined – even in my worst nightmare – that he would ever call me uninteresting in bed.
“I have to get up early to work tomorrow which is something you can’t understand since all you know how to do is chase after doctors and fake priestesses.” He lay back down and closed his eyes.
“But I am doing this for us!” I exclaimed. “Do you not want a child?”
“You are the defective product I picked up so I don’t blame you for asking me stupid questions.” He snorted. “Asking an Alpha if he does not want children,” he muttered as he shook his head. “Go to sleep, Chantelle. Don’t annoy me any further than you already do.”
Despite the insults, I begged him. I knew he didn’t desire me anymore but I was the one getting cursed at every time I stepped out of my house. I was the one his mother rained insults on, the barren one. I needed a child more than he did. He could choose another woman the way he chose me but I could not bear to lose the man I loved so I begged.
He looked down at me as if engaging in intimacies with me was the worst chore in the world and then he put a pillow over my face. My breath hitched and I feared for a second that he was about to suffocate me but he only blocked out my face.
I heard some rustling for a few minutes but did not move the pillow to avoid angering him. Then he moved my panties to the side and I breathed out a sigh of relief that turned into a scream as his manhood pierced me without any preparation.
“Jack –“ He pressed down on the pillow and I froze.
“Don’t move. You wanted this so unless you want me to change my mind, you better stay still.” I remained frozen as he pumped in and out of me without rhythm.
It hurt worse than it did the night I lost my virginity. There were no sweet words, no coaxing, no soft touch, just the movement of his hips and the sobs I tried to stop. It was over in a few minutes as he pumped his seed into me.
“Nothing different from pumping my seed on the bathroom floor,” he muttered as he collapsed beside me.
I stayed still in shock and anguish even after he fell asleep and went back to snoring. It was like a bucket of ice water had been dumped on me. My blood was frozen. My lower body hurt. The pillow remained over my face as I tried to process what just happened. He may have torn something but it did not hurt as much as the realization that came over me did.
My mate hated me.
I got out of bed after an hour of disbelief, hissing in pain as I went to the bathroom to clean up his seed mixed with my blood. When I climbed back into bed, I stared at my mate’s face and laughed to myself, my chest tight, my head spinning and my gaze going in and out of focus.