Ring, ring. My youngest daughter ran up to me and said that's daddy's ring can I answer it? I reluctantly said yes. I heard her dad say where are y'all at? I said here let me talk to your dad. Hello, where are y'all at? I took a deep breath and said home. Why? Where are you at.
really not giving a damn
He said I'm home too. Where is your car it's not out front? I walked over to my bedroom window and looked out and said yes it's right out front I'm looking at it as we speak. Shit shit,fuck fuck shit! That's all I could say to myself! Well shit here goes nothing. I heard Jack say hello, hello. I'm still here I said. So where are y'all at. I'm in my room, I said again. I heard a click! Well shit it's not like I'm lying. Ring, ring. Here comes my daughter running in my room and saying that's my daddy's ring tone can I answer it.
Note to self change his ring tone
go get your bed clothes on first. She looks at the time and says it's only 7pm... I looked and said who in the hell taught you how to tell time. She gave me that look and said duh mommie you did! Go get a snack then. Ring I said yeah Jack. Are you done playing games? He asked me in a nonchalant voice. Sorry babe that's your job I said in a sarcastic voice. Yeah yeah he said. What time will y'all be home? We are home. YO STOP PLAYING!! I took the phone away from my ear that's how loud he was screaming! Are you done with all that dumb ass hollering? I said.I'm going to ask you one more time, where are y'all.....he said. I'm going to tell you one more time..... I said we are at home, Bang!!!! Well shit he hung up on me again! I will be turning off my ringer!.....Ring Ring! My turn I ran to my daughter's room and I said that's your dad's ring tone let...shit she already answered it. I heard him asked her where we was at, she said we are home daddy when are you coming home. I snatched her phone so fast, I felt like shit over that.
I mouth sorry to her
I walked back to my room. Hello Jack stop this bullshit! Me stop my bullshit! Your the one who has my daughter lying to me. I'm not lying and neither is she, we really are home! MAN! He said y'all are not here! Oh I said, you meant was we at your house? He said of course! Well you see you have to be more specific, with your questions. Huh what are you talking about he said. Well as you see we are not at 434 Addison st. No shit! I know that, so where the hell are y'all? I'm at home in my room, he was about to cut me off, I had to stop him and said if you will shut the fuck!! up and let me finish!!! I will explain everything to you. Deal? He said whatever! As you already know we have not been a real couple in years, I really think are journey has came to an end. I paused I was waiting on him to holler or hang up on me. Keep going he said,
WOW! I didn't expect that
I said to myself. We have been together since I was 16 years old and I'm 42 now, we have three wonderful children witch two of them is grown and one has a child of his own. Keep going he said.
What the hell happen to the Jack I know
I was saying to myself. Your 46 and we are not getting any younger, ok he said. So I think matter of a fact I know you was never in love with me like I was with you. He said nothing, hello I said. Keep going he said. I need you to go and find what makes Jack happy, I need you to find that person that will make you happy someone that you want to come home to, someone that you want to grow old with. He was getting ready to say something, but I cut him off before he could say anything. Please let me finish I said. I can promise you this, I don't nor do I want another man, I know what it feels like to be in love. I want you to know how it feels, it's a wonderful feeling, words can't even describe it. One day you will thank me for this, one day you will understand what I mean.......Shit!! I was getting that lump in my throat, I had to fan my tears away!! Got damn I really do love this man!!! But he never was and never will be in love with me. I thought that he would or could learn to love me like I love him.. nope nada nothing! I had to let him go after 24 years, I had to stop being selfish!! I had to let him go! A woman knows when a man loves her! And I know he was never going to be in love with me. I wanted him to know how it feels to be in love. I paused again, Jack said what are you trying to say. Two months ago my daughter and I was on are way to visit my parents, and I always loved this one house ever since I was a kid. Low and behold it was for sale! Something said call Now!! So we pulled over and called that number. I sat up a date and time to look at the house, one week later I got the call to let me know I got it!! Holy Hannah!!! I got the damn house, I couldn't believe it, I really didn't think I was going to get it!!!! Only thing I could think of that it was meant to be! It was a sign telling me that Jack and I journey has came to an end......HELLO! Jack said. Yes I'm still here. What I'm trying to say is that I brought a house. YOU DID WHAT!! I brought a house. He hung up again. O well. I turned my daughter's phone off also. I layed on my bed, fighting back tears, feeling like shit. I had to do this not just for myself but for him also. One day he will understand, he will thank me.