March 25, 2018

Han Ji Eun walked down to the Mapo Bridge with heavy steps.

The purple bruises on her temples still ached even though she already taken a painkillers.

Her skirt was torn so badly and forced her to wear the sweatpants.

Her mother would scold her because they didn't have enough money to buy a new uniform.

Ji Eun was sure that her mother would also beat her with a cane.

His father also definitely wouldn't care about it.

He might be drunk somewhere or gambling or maybe both.

The handheld of the bridge shining because of the touch from her hand. Illuminate the words written there.

Do you remember what it felt to be in love?

The sun tomorrow will shine brighter.

The best things in your life are yet to come.

Don't you miss the taste of samgyetang?

The words seemed to be insulting her somehow. She hopes that someday someone will delete it.

Since earlier, something bitter pressed against her throat.

Her chest tightened as she struggled to hold back the tears.

No, you can't, she said to herself. Nothing will change even if I cry.

Her memories of school hurt her so much.

She knew that she was an ugly duckling.

And then everyday, everyone always calls her with dirty nicknames. 

As if, they had the right to beat her on the grounds because they said that she gave them a sore eye.

The teachers at school also seemed to be closing their eyes.  Even though they knew what was going on, they only assumed that it was just a prank and a normal activity for teenagers to do.

 Being born into a poor family also adds to the array of her problems. She is very grateful just have something to eat every day. Even it's only just a bowl of rice.

Ji Eun even tries to apply somw part-time job, so that at least she can buy books. Reading books was the only consolation for her.

But with her overweight body and the dull face, even the restaurant did not want to recruit her because she was considered as slow and unattractive.

Was it I, who asked to be born like this?

Why isn't anything right happening in my life?

Ji Eun's steps grew heavier. What to do?

She didn't want to go home or waking up just to see tomorrow.

She wanted to run away.

But where?

Poor Ji Eun doesn't even have any close family friends or relatives.

At that moment, she turned her head down.

The dark sky was reflected on the surface of the Han River. The wave and depth seemed to calling to that girl.

Promising the calmness and comforting vibe for her..

 I must be crazy!

But Ji Eun knows that she does.

This life had long drained her sanity.

She can't take it anymore.  Even if there is happiness tomorrow, she doesn't care.

After all, there are still days when everyone will mock her, beat her or ignore her ..

Who is a crazy person who wants to wait for that happiness to come by itself?

Ten seconds later, Ji Eun climbed onto the trellis and jumped.

The river water was not as cold as she thought.

In fact, it feels warm and so calming.

Even though she started coughing because her lungs were getting in the water, but she didn't regret it at all.

The only thing that she regretting is maybe, maybe because she didn't do it sooner.  

Seventeen years of futility.

 Her consciousness began to disappear and a stinging sensation attacked the throat, nose and even her head.

Then out of nowhere, a question emerged from her mind.

 Is there someone attending my funeral?