I finished doing my rounds as I stop by the coffee machine in my office. After a good cup, I brushed my hair backwards exposing my embossed name in my lab gown.

The title that I achieved by watering and letting the anger stir inside me.

I am the chief doctor of the Cardio-thoracic Department at Philippine Medical Institute, the acing Hospital in Asia and one of the most remarkable medical center in the latest statistics. I have two certified boards in cardiothoracic and general surgery.

"Code Blue: Paging Dr. Anais Alvear, Code Blue!”

I rushed into the cold and empty hallways of the hospital and found my way to the Emergency Room. I disinfected my hands and wore my surgical gloves and dashed. I rushed into the bustling emergency room where I saw a man in mid-twenties, showering in his own blood. There's a branch of wood that was stuck in the lower quadrant of his left abdomen so I ordered the nurse to prepare for an Operating Room.

"Get the consent from his immediate family, now!"

It was a swift twist of events when everything come to worst.

“That’s a rapist! He raped my daughter! He deserves to die!” A man stepped in and wailed. It caused a commotion so he is approached by the security officers. He looked at my way and dashed towards me. The next thing I knew, he is now on his knees.

“Don’t treat her, please! He’s an animal! I am begging, please!” He looks desperate so I took his hand and made him stand.

“I understand what you feel, Sir, but this is a medical institution. I am a Doctor, anyone who steps into this room: if wounded, will be treated. I took an oath, that’s my duty…” I stated with enough sympathy. Just before the guards can restrain him, I felt a sting on my left cheek. He slapped me so hard I can feel my ears ringing. I am in extreme awe! He is now pinned down by the guards as I am watching over him. I sighed and let out a smirk.

“Don’t let him die like that, he deserves to suffer…” I paused and lick my lower lip. “Existence is more painful than death.” I remarked. He is panting right now so I advanced towards the patient.

Just before I could reach him, I saw someone dashed towards the hospital bed where the patient is lying. My heart almost skip a beat as I sprint towards his side. The next thing I saw is the blood gushing out of the patient’s open wound and the blaring sound of the machine.

His vitals are dropping!

The little girl is crying while she is held by the nurses. She drop the branch of wood and I saw how she shivers. Her Father ran towards her and hugged her so tight. The security guards stepped in and took them away from the patient. The scene left a bitter taste in my mouth but I suppressed my emotions and grasp the situation.

“Do an intubation!” I ordered and the resident doctor proceeded.

“Gauge,” I ordered and started to stop the bleeding. My lab gown is soaked with the crimson fluid but it’s not stopping. These gauges are futile. We’re running out of time.

“Vitals?” I asked the nurse.

“It’s continuously dropping, Dr. Alvear.” I glanced at the monitor and the vitals are at its worst.

“Page Dr. Jamaica Torres and Dr. Rein Dela Cruz. I need them in the Operating Room. Notify Dr. Harper too in the Department of Anesthesiology.” I ordered.

I heaved deeply and pull out the gauges on his severely bleeding wound.

“What are you doing?” I ignored Dr. Dylan’s question as he came to me.

“Saving this patient?” I sarcastically replied. He scoffed at me and shook his head. I heaved a deep breath and inserted my left index finger unto the patient’s wound. I cannot certainly use my mechanical hand given the situation.

“Dr. Alvear, didn’t you heard? He’s a rapist!” He shrieked behind me. He walk towards the nurse and substituted her in doing the intubation. He’s continuing to say things so I glared at him.

“Shut up, I’m trying to find his artery.” I calmly said and dug my index finger deeper. I closed my eyes and concentrated.

“You’ll lose your license, Anais!” He boldly stated. I shrug at his sentiments and continued to do my thing. I let out a smirk when the bleeding stop. His vitals also started to stabilize. I stop the bleeding by putting my index finger in his ruptured artery. I hop unto the stretcher and they started to proceed to the Operating Room. Sweat is dripping from my forehead and I can feel everyone’s protest— but all of it was a blur, I wanted to save this patient.

“When will you stop brawling with these guys, Reia!” My teacher screamed at me. I grinned at her and spit the blood in front of her. I also glared at the guys I fought with the bruises in their face. My knuckles are in pain as I caressed the cut in my lower lip.

"They started the fight," I still insisted. My teacher heaved an exasperated sigh and shook her head in disbelief.

"Go to your classes now!" I hurriedly stood up and strap my bag on my shoulders. Just before I could walk, their leader intentionally bump me. I smirk at him and kick his leg.

"Alvear!" I rolled my eyes heavenward.

I cleaned all the comfort rooms all day so I haven’t attended on each of my class. I am stretching my arms when I saw my Father’s familiar car. He walked out of it, watching me. He opened the car for me making me smile.

"How have you been?" He asked.

"I'm fine," I answered and smiled at him, still at the state of trance.

I never seen him for years now. Mama said he's working outside the country, in a big company. My Mama is a resident caregiver of a rich tycoon somewhere in the city. I live with my Grandmother in this small town.

There is a deafening silence inside us and I only watch the trees from outside. We reach the house so I hurriedly step down to tell my mother about him. I slowed down my pace because of the people outside of our house. I curiously stride my way to the sea of people. I get back to my feet and lost it all when everyone's there, crying. I advanced a step and in our small living room, my grandmother is hugging my Mama's portrait. My chest is pounding so hard I couldn't breathe properly.

She looks peaceful. Serene and beautiful. I held her soft hand and all of the suppressed tears I'm holding back gushed down my cheeks. I never cried so hard, it feels like my tears are acid, it stings. My heart beats so hard I feel like it's ripping my ribcage.

The man protecting me is the man who cheated on us. He brought a lot of girls in our house when Mom is not around. My Mom abandoned me when she can't get a hold of Dad. He sent me to my patient grandmother who does nothing but to love me and care for me.

How am I the villain just because I exist?

My mother’s funeral ended and I am only laying on my bed, staring at the ceiling. I don’t know what to think. I feel so regretful, I didn’t even know my mother is sick. I let out a sigh. How would I know? She only sends me money, she never visited me, and I don’t know how to reach her. Tears rolled down my cheeks. I don’t even know if these are tears of mourning or anger. I feel like I am existing because of two things: to be angry and to suffer. Now that I think of it, I can’t contact my father again.

I enter the classroom quietly and sit down feeling so heavy, letting the time pass.

Now that I am standing proud as I finished my valedictory address with a smile. I took pictures with my Lola and gave her my diploma. The mad genius graduates as an ace, huh?

"What do you want me to become, Lola?" I asked her. She's about to cry with too much happiness.

"I want you to be a Doctor and save lives, hija." She said and caressed my hair. I hugged her so tight. I glance behind me and saw my Father walking towards me. I smiled at him. He’s unreachable for now, but I’ll thrive. I will be so successful that I won’t remember all the shit they put me through.

"Congratulations, here's my gift." He handed me a paper bag and kissed my cheeks before saying goodbye.

I opened the paper bag as we reached the house. It was a round trip ticket to Paris, France. Coming with it is a black credit card and a note.

"Live well, darling, I'm moving to another country for good."

-Dad

A tear escaped on my eye. I immediately wiped it and pat myself on the back. I stood my ground for the past years with my grandmother, we’ll be fine. The queen never wavers.

"Mireia, hija! Look at this parcel for you, come out here!” My grandmother called outside my room. I sashayed my way towards her. It was documents, though. I opened and read it. To my amazement, I am speechless!

Philippine Medical University

I hugged my grandmother tightly.

"Watch me, Lola, I'll be the best surgeon for you!" I said and kissed her cheeks.