I have always been warned to stay away from Roan Diamond. He is the enemy. He is dangerous.
But today I will marry him.
And it's not my choice.
When I was five years old, my father challenged the Commander. He tried to overthrow him and take power over the country, if you can call this a country. It's more like a large city, but the Commander's father, being the power—hungry man that he was, wanted to call it a country. So a country it is called.
After the war, the real country split into sections, each adopting a name, rules, and borders. The problem was that Aloysius Diamond was less of a leader and more of a dictator. His son, Robert, adopted his policies and today we find ourselves in a precarious state of survival.
My father, a politician and leader, tried to overthrow the Commander to help set up a democracy, something none of our broken pieces of the country have seen in a long time. My father failed.
But there would be far too much of an uproar if the Commander had killed my father, even if it seemed like an accident. No, my father's life was safe. Mine, however, was fair game.
So now I stand before a mirror, my long dress swishing around my feet, waiting to be summoned. Brides wear white. I used tea to stain mine an off—white color. I refuse to be the bride they say I should be.
We all have to get married at some point, and usually we aren't given much of a choice as to whom it is we marry. I have no choice; Roan Diamond will be coming for me any moment.
I answer the knock at the door to find not Roan, but my father. This may be the last time I see him.
His face is washed with concern and he's fighting back tears.
"Jade," he says, enveloping me in his arms. "I'm so, so sorry, my baby girl."
His voice is muffled against my swept—up hair.
"I'll be all right, Daddy," I try to soothe him, hugging him tighter.
"Remember what we talked about."
I'm sure we're being monitored, so we can't speak freely.
I've been preparing for this moment since the minute it was decided over ten years ago. I know that the Commander is going to try to hurt me. I know his son will be a part of it. I know my death will probably look accidental. And I know it is my job to survive: my father cannot help me once I walk through those doors.
I am prepared for the monster I am about to marry, for the prison I am about to live in, and for the killer who will be known as my father—in—law. I will not go down without a fight.
My father slips away and I want to cling to him as if I am five again. If only he hadn't been so motivated to protect everyone else, he could have protected me.
A knock sounds almost immediately and I rush back, thinking it must be my father returning. Instead I look into the green eyes of the man who is stealing my life.
My breath catches in my throat and I force myself to hold his gaze for a moment.
"You look very nice, Jade," Roan appraises me.
"Thank you," I say, casting my eyes down to prevent him from seeing my true feelings. I cannot bear to look at him.
He offers me his hand and turns slightly to lead me away. I hesitate and can't keep the look of disgust off my face. I know he notices it, but he doesn't flinch. I reach out and take his open hand and he leads me toward my sentencing. I am the most lovely convicted woman on Death Row ever.
***
The ceremony is simple, led by the Commander. Ordinarily this would be an honor, to have our country's leader officiate a wedding. A few times a year, he does just that, surprising a few happy couples. Personally, I'd rather be locked in a cage with a rabid dog. It's a funny comparison, because at the moment, the Commander actually looks a bit like a rabid dog. Flecks of foam spit from his mouth as he speaks. I can feel the pent—up rage threaten to bite and latch on to me. But there is also something there that a rabid animal does not have, and that is the overwhelming sense of victory. He knows in this moment that he has won.
My father shows no emotion, nor do I. He may have won, but we will not lend ourselves to his victory. He shall have no satisfaction from our reactions. And in that moment, I know what I must do.
I glance to my father and his eyes are trained on me.
I am changing the plan on him. I have to make him understand.
I smile; a forced smile at first, but I let it morph into the smile he has known my entire life. He squints a touch before straightening his face.
When I turn back to Roan, I lean in. My hands are in his and I let my excited energy flow through them to his hands. I catch his eye and let mine sparkle.
Today is my wedding day and I love this man.
And I will make him believe it. He will know I am in love with him, for that is how I will survive.
***