JAKE

　　Jake Peters was livid. If he could, he would move Tyler Benson, one of his patients, to P&E just to get away from that wretched woman.

　　The last straw was when Teresse put that baby in his arms, and Holly, probably feeling guilty, fleeing.

　　It fucked him over, sitting with that baby, giving her tender loving care, knowing that Holly never gave him the chance to sit like this with his own.

　　She would never own up to her mistakes, and he needed to get away from this hospital as fast as his legs could carry him.

　　He never thought that a person could love and hate someone so much.

　　He should've never even been nice to her to start with.

　　But tonight, she just pissed him off when she paged Oliver instead of him when Tyler woke up.

　　Ollie was an arrogant bastard, and it didn't surprise him that he was like a fly around Holly.

　　That was how Jake knew he still loved her.

　　As much as she fucked him over, he was jealous by the fact that Ollie was a better friend with potential. Potential of having her in his arms and kissing her and not to mention experience just how fucking great her love was. But it was usually the ones you loved so fucking much that hurt the most.

　　He thought he learned his lesson well, only to be sidestepped when she returned.

　　Making him confused all over again.

　　Why did she even become a doctor?

　　He read that letter from Somers. She was supposed to be in cardiology. What was she doing in Peds?

　　He reached his SUV in Downsend's parking lot and climbed in.

　　He hated all his thoughts when it came to Holly. The fact that he toyed with her in traffic that one night, playing her that stupid song.

　　He needed to get home to Kate and wrap his arms around her and play with Michael, but he knew that the boy was fast asleep.

　　Kate needed to be enough for him.

　　He would stay away from Downsend and only assist when there were severe emergencies, other than that, his own Hospital had to be off-limits to him.

　　He wished there was a way to fire Holly. She didn't deserve to work at his hospital or carry the title of a doctor. She couldn't have meant that oath if she did, she would've stayed, and his life would be less fucking complicated.

　　Maybe something else would have split them up, which was precisely where he had to be right now. But as it was, Holly was still the girl that got away.

　　He went home. Kate was already in bed, and he took a quick shower.

　　Why was everything feeling so heavy?

　　He crawled in and needed to release, not that Kate was anywhere near Holly when it came to sex.

　　Jake kissed her neck softly. Kate grunted, as his lips moved to her earlobe.

　　She chuckled through closed lips. "I love it when you wake me up like this, Dr. Peters."

　　She turned around, climbed on top of him and kissed him.

　　The kiss broke, and she pulled off her nightgown, revealing the delicate artwork of Dr. Fischer, one of the best plastic surgeons walking on this earth. He cupped one of her breasts and squeezed.

　　She gasped for air as she rubbed a hand over his cock and he grunted.

　　The foreplay didn't stay long, and she pulled Jake's boxers off and her panty and pushedJake's shaft into her opening

　　The entry was always the nicest, and yes, he did felt something while he was having sex with Kate. It felt amazing, but the built-up never came.

　　He tried to fuck her hard once, but she always complained, and tonight was no other.

　　"Jake, calm down. What is wrong?" She stopped him. He slipped out of her and rolled onto his back next to her.

　　"Nothing is wrong, Kate."

　　"Don't tell me that. You always hurt me when something is wrong."

　　"Sorry, I didn't think. I lost myself there for a minute."

　　He pushed himself up, a mother of an erection still between his legs, and sat on the edgeof the bed.

　　He wanted to cuss because he was thinking right now at this moment about Holly.

　　She didn't deserve it.

　　Kate's soft lips lingered on his shoulder. "It looks like you are carrying the world's weight on your shoulders, please talk to me?"

　　"It's nothing, Kate. Sorry, really. I didn't mean to hurt you." He kissed her on her lips, Titanic style.

　　"It's okay," she smiled. "I worry about you."

　　"Don't," he smiled. "You have nothing to worry about. It's just Downsend. It's more a mess than I thought it would be." He lied.

　　"Have you spoken to your mom?"

　　"No, I can sort it out. It will just take time." He pushed himself from the bed and walked to the bathroom.

　　He wacked off.

　　It was the only way that he reached his orgasms now. Always had actually. Holly was the only person that could make him get an orgasm the natural way.

　　When the release came, he felt better but was still tense around the shoulders.

　　He washed his hands and went to bed.

　　He didn't want to sleep because, since Holly’s return, the dreams returned too, the onewhere he was happy, where she stayed, and he had a beautiful boy with her.

　　The dream only fucked him over more as he felt like himself, and he would never get that Jake back again. He tried.

　　He drifted away, and when the sound of an alarm screeched in his ears, he thanked the higher power that he didn't dream. It was just darkness.

　　He went to P&E.

　　His mother entered his office.

　　"Hey," he smiled and continued working on his schedule to see where he could fit his newest patient.

　　She sat in one of the chairs in front of his desk. Not saying a word.

　　"I'll only be another second." He smiled.

　　"I have all the time in the world."

　　Jake huffed. "Big lie that one, Dr. Peters."

　　She laughed. "Okay, a few minutes."

　　He found a spot, and punched in Mr. Finnigan's name. He stopped and looked at his mother. "So, who do I owe thanks for this visit?"

　　She sighed.

　　"Kate said something?" He sighed too. "I told her not to worry about it."

　　"She said that Downsend is in worse shape than you anticipated."

　　"Mom, I can sort it out. Please. I don't need your help."

　　"Jake, is that what is bothering you lately?"

　　He nodded. "One of the things, yeah."

　　"Don't you think you should maybe see Blair again."

　　"Mom, I'm fine. Really." He chuckled. "I'm just under a lot of stress at work."

　　"How many patients have you lost lately?"

　　"More than I wanted to, but my rate on the asshole group is up to 50/50." He put all his worst life-threatening tumors in group A, the asshole group.

　　His mother laughed and gasped at the same time if that was even possible. "That is great news."

　　He laughed. "Yeah, I hope it stays that way."

　　"One surgery at a time, Honey. There aren't a lot of surgeons out there that would cut those tumors. Remember what Sam taught you, and you will be fine."

　　"Yeah, maybe I should've done another year in Shanghai."

　　"You want to go back?"

　　"Nope, I love being able to take the lead on my surgeries. But I should've stayed another year."

　　"And what, not be marrying Kate at all." She got up and took his face in both her hands. "Everything happens for a reason, Jake."

　　He huffed. Was there a reason why Holly was back?

　　"Yeah, sure." He sighed softly.

　　She let go of him and sighed too, and then walked to the door. "I'll see you later, okay." She smiled and opened the door. "Don't work too hard."

　　His door closed.

　　Everything happens for a reason. Yeah, Jake just had to wait and see.

　　Rod came in around five. "You want me to go check up on the Benson kid?"

　　"No, he woke up yesterday."

　　"Saywhaaat?" He reached out his fist for Jake, and he pumped it softly. "50/50," Rod yelled.

　　Jake laughed. He got a few weeks back a tumor in this group too, making them five in total, but the guy didn't wake up. It was the first one Rod learned on, and it also brought his rate from 50/50 to 60/40. Ty got his rate back to 50/50. He would be forever grateful for that.

　　Rod really reminded him a lot about himself, the way he used to be. "I'll go. I need to see just how bad it is. He screamed from the pain last night, but he was coherent. Still,a bit of maths didn't hurt anyone."

　　"Poor kid." Rod teased as Jake put off his computer and picked up his leather bag to go do rounds before he knocked off.

　　Rod walked with him. He was glad that he took this kid under his wing. Uncle Frank was right, he had the makings of a second Jake Peters.

　　After rounds, he said goodbye to Rod and felt how his shoulders tense again. Holly was working, and he had a feeling he would find her in Ty's room. He phoned Kate.

　　"I'm quickly going to Downsend to check up on my 50/50."

　　She shrieked excitedly and wanted to know everything when Tylor woke up and what condition he woke up in. Tonight they had to celebrate. She was quickly going to pick up Michael, and then she would wait for him at reception.

　　The call disconnected, and he climbed into his SUV and drove to Downsend.

　　Fifteen minutes later, he took the stairs to Pediatrics, and true to his presumption Holly was busy with Ty. The boy looked tired as he saw him walking toward his door.

　　"You should sleep," Holly advised.

　　"Nope, you shouldn't. I need five minutes, Ty." He just walked in and stood in front of his bed.

　　She was busy taking his blood pressure, and a hatred for her filled his core again. She fucked up his life. He was so happy, and she fucked it all up.

　　Ty smiled weakly, and Jake concentrated on his patient.

　　"How's the head, Ty?"

　　"What happened? Was that normal?" Ty asked, his voice soft and croaky

　　"It happens every now and then," Jake confirmed. "You up for some math?"

　　"Oh, please!" Ty groaned. "As much as I love you for saving my life, I will have no choice but to hate you if you do that to me."

　　Holly pumped the bulb of the mercury sphygmomanometer. The cuff started to inflate.

　　"C'mon, it's easy. Even my two-year-old can answer them," Jake teased.

　　Holly stopped pumping and froze. A weak smile appeared on Jake's face.

　　She really didn't think that he would have kids eventually.

　　She carried on pumping the bulb again. Her jaw muscle pumped slightly.

　　Jake asked Ty math questions, and he answered with a weak laugh.

　　"You go find y if you miss him so much." Ty joked, and Jake laughed as Holly stormed out of the room.

　　He smiled. "I still remembered what it was, Holly told me. Deal is a deal."

　　"I was only joking, Ty. I really don't care what she thinks of me. I'm just glad you woke up. You scared the living crap out of me."

　　"Sorry. I stayed away from the light."

　　Jake laughed again. "Thank you for bringing my rate up to 50/50 again. Do me a favor?"

　　"Sure?"

　　"Live, enjoy every second of it. As you know, now that you do not know when the last minute would be. I don't want to see you here again, okay?"

　　"Deal."

　　"Another thing, bigger favor." He sighed.

　　"Sure, anything for the man who saved my life."

　　"When you go for chemo, don't mention that one's name, please. You will make my life a living hell if you do."

　　He laughed. "They don't like her, oh, man. Is that why the two of you are not together anymore?"

　　"No, but yes, they are not a big fan of her."

　　"My lips are sealed."

　　"Cool, thanks." He tapped him softly on the face. "My work here is done."

　　Ty laughed tiredly, and Jake said goodbye and left.

　　He went to the reception. Aggy had a massive smile on her face.

　　"Congratulations, honey," she said. "I heard your number is 50/50."

　　He chuckled. "Thank you, Aggs. Best feeling in the world. Let's just hope it's going to stay at 50/50." He joked.

　　"You're going home now?"

　　"Yes, I need some TLC." He groaned as loud as he could, hoping Holly heard that too.

　　She laughed. "Give that beautiful boy of yours a hug."

　　"I will."

　　He still hated the fact that Kate was the one who got Aggy dispelled and eventually let go of. Charles Downsend took her in with open arms.

　　She was a great nurse and one with a huge heart.

　　He took the elevator down and found Kate and Mickey at the reception. His heart warmed as he took Mickey from Kate and lifted him up. The boy cackled, and he brought him down again, kissing him on the cheek.

　　At least he knew what it felt like to have a baby in the house.

　　Kate was just finishing her conversation with Pam and Sue.

　　"Congrats," she smiled and kissed him. "I'm so proud of you."

　　"Me too."

　　"So, how is he?"

　　"Perfect. He does maths and everything, but he has a long road ahead of him. Robin will take care of little cancer left."

　　"Oh, I'm sure she will. She is a force to be reckoned with when it comes to cancer."

　　He laughed, and they said goodbye to Pam and Sue.

　　They went to a small family restaurant and had supper.

　　He really enjoyed the conversation, and he felt good about the way Holly took the news.

　　She needed some of her own medicine. Did she still feel something for him? It didn't seem that way. She was always so hostile, which he still had no idea why. He didn't leaveher, she left him.

　　That night he made sweet love to Kate.

　　She was happy, saying she was finally getting her man back, not the beast who had such tense shoulders, but the sweet loving man she fell in love with.

　　She fell asleep in his arms.

　　Kate didn't love him. She couldn't as she had no idea who Jake really was.

　　He doesn't even know who he really was as he got used to pretending.

　　That beast, that was him. Or the way he used to be in bed.

　　With Kate, he can never be that as she always complained about how bad it hurts.

　　Why didn't it hurt Holly? Maybe it did, but she never said anything.

　　He felt terrible the minute he thought about it.

　　Fuck, Jake. Stop feeling sorry when it comes to that fucking bitch.

　　Yeah, it was how he still knew he loved her deeply and wondered if he would ever stop loving her.

　　It was so wrong.

　　He closed his eyes and prayed that he wouldn't dream that dream again. Not tonight, please.

　　He dreamed something completely new tonight.

　　He and Holly were fighting. She was crying so much. She told him that the shake wasn't working and that she didn't have the guts to tell his father that his shake was failing. She couldn't.

　　He cried too and then felt how someone was shaking him.

　　He found Kate waking him up.

　　"Why are you crying?"

　　He felt his eyes, and they were wet. "Sorry I had a bad dream."

　　"About what?"

　　"One of my patients. Sorry. I'm fine."

　　He got up and went to the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He didn't feel okay. He shouldn't sympathize with Holly. She should've stayed, but the way she cried in that dream. It brought him to tears again.

　　She should've said something.

　　He shook with this emotion, resting on his gut.

　　Why did she fucking come back?

　　How was he supposed to deal with this? He couldn't tell Blair, she would tell his mother, even if their sessions were supposed to be confidential. Blair would find a way,and Mara would find out Holly was at Downsend.

　　He couldn't speak to his mother about this either.

　　He felt so lost.

　　It was so dark.

　　Push forward Jake, one step at a time.

　　* * *

　　The next day he begged Rod again to check up on Ty, made some stupid excuse so that he wouldn't have to go. Not after that dream. Not today.

　　He didn't have the strength anymore and just try to forget the dream and concentrate on the mess Holly left in her wake.

　　She left to abort his baby. It shouldn't matter what her reasons were, she could've toldhim, he would be able to reason with Amelia, found a save way to make this decision together and not behind his back like a fucking coward.

　　His dad would have given her something else.

　　She could've been okay. But she was a coward through and through.

　　He should remember that, focus on that.

　　He stayed as far as he could away from Downsend. He sent Rod every day to check up on Ty. The Bensons were going to come tomorrow to Jake's office to make sure that the tumor or seventy percent was still gone. The other thirty was Robbie's baby.

　　Jake quickly went to Downsend to pick up some papers and wanted to find out if he hadn't left his charger up on Peds.

　　He couldn't find the damn thing anywhere.

　　When he walked out of the elevator, he heard a commotion.

　　A woman was crying, and Holly's voice was begging through grunts.

　　"Baby, please enough. She is gone." Aggy tried again.

　　"C'mon, Ellie," Holly yelled.

　　Sue was holding the woman tightly, who was sobbing, pleading, and angry.

　　He rushed into the room and saw the horror. The patient was dead, and she had marks on her body. Holly was out of her mind.

　　He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her off the bed. Got a strong whiff of her scent that was going to fuck him indeed for days to come. She just stared at him with substantial angry eyes.

　　Hostile again.

　　He took the paddles from her. "Enough. She's gone, Holly," Jake said.

　　He could see the anger behind her eyes.

　　"You are insane," the little girls' mother yelled. "I swear, I will sue this hospital."

　　Holly looked at the mother, confused. She pushed out of Jake's grasp and stormed out of the room. His eyes glazed on the total Holly set the voltage too. If a patient woke up, she wouldn't have lived much longer. A vast fucking error was made tonight, and he put the machine off with the heart monitor that was just beeping a long flat line. He hated that sound.

　　"Phone Teresse, Aggy," Jake commanded as the mother cried more.

　　Jake took Sue's spot and held her tightly as she sobbed in his arms.

　　He kept looking over his shoulders at the girl's lifeless body lying on that bed.

　　"I am so sorry. I know a huge error was made tonight. I can only imagine what it is you are going through. If you want to take legal action, speak to me. It's my hospital. I will deal with Dr. Scallanger."

　　"Why didn't she stop?" The woman sobbed.

　　"It's not in a doctor to stop when it comes to saving a life. Teresse isn't here to guide this, and you won't find a doctor that really listens to nurses. Can we please just wait for Teresse?"

　　She nodded. He led her to the waiting area and asked Aggy to get her a cup of coffee.

　　Tears lingered in his eyes. He had no idea how Armand was doing this. To lose them at this age. It was breaking him, and she wasn't even his child.

　　Teresse ran into the waiting area where Jake waited with Connie, he learned her name through Aggy when she handed her a cup of coffee.

　　Teresse cried with her. They spoke about this before.

　　"Holly," the woman cried, and she couldn't even get her sentence out.

　　Teresse looked at Jake. "What happened?" She looked worried.

　　"She didn't let go. She left marks on her body."

　　Teresse sighed and looked at the ceiling. "Oh, Holly, I'm so sorry. Ellie was her first death, it's no excuse, Connie, but doctors never forget their firsts. I'm so sorry. I will deal with her."

　　Jake gave her his card for her lawyer.

　　"Don't," Connie pushed it away. "I just want to get out of here."

　　He put the card back in his pocket. "Can I phone someone for you?"

　　She shook her head.

　　"Your husband?”

　　"That asshole, he wanted me to abort her when he found out I was pregnant. He is not a part of our lives."

　　He closed his eyes. He knew how she felt. "I'm so sorry to hear that. Can I get you an Uber then? I'll pay."

　　"Thank you," she cried again.

　　He went over to the phone.

　　"Aggy?” he heard Teressa's voice calling from the waiting area's door as he booked an Uber to come and pick up Connie.

　　Teresse walked into Ellie's room and cried. She took the white linen at the edge of Ellie's bed and pulled it over her face.

　　He closed the app and wrapped his arms around Teresse. "I don't know how you can do this,Teresse? They are so little."

　　She sniffed. "Part of the job. Where is Holly?"

　　"I don't know. She ran away like usual," he said, and Teresse looked at him, confused.

　　It was a slip-up.

　　"You know she needs a warning for this?"

　　She nodded.

　　"I'll give her one. She went too far."

　　She nodded again. "She needs to learn how to deal with death, do whatever you have to as I don't want to lose her. She has great potential dealing with kids."

　　"Yeah, sure." He sauntered off.

　　Great potential. He huffed. Guilt if you asked him.

　　Ellie's case bothered him the entire night. He handed Teresse the warning right before he left and told her to put it in his office.

　　He told Kate about Ellie without mentioning any names. She didn't know Holly, but she knew of Holly. He had eventually told her his sad story about what happened five years ago. Sleep that night also came with difficulty, and the next morning he felt tired as he walked into P&E.

　　He went through his appointments and saw the Bensons were coming around ten today. He phoned Robin to make sure that she would be on time for the handover.

　　His sister promptly entered his office, and he picked up the phone to tell Penelope to call the Bensons' who waited in his reception.

　　”Dr. Peters," Ty looked a hell of a lot better, wearing a pair of jeans and a sweater with sneakers.

　　Mavis smiled from ear to ear.

　　He got up, gave her a hug, and shook George's hand.

　　Jake slapped Ty on the shoulder and begged him with his eyes not to say anything about Holly.

　　Ty chuckled.

　　He introduced the other Dr. Peters to them and heard the jokes about how beautiful she was, the total opposite of Jake.

　　She didn’t waste time and explained what the course of action was going to be. That Ty still had a few sick weeks in front of him, but it wasn't death anymore, that they were definitely going to beat this.

　　All three of them looked hopeful.

　　Rod took Ty for a scan and brought it afterward for Jake to look at. He was happy, no growth whatsoever, and told him to give the scan to Robin.

　　Rod ran out with the scan in his hand.

　　He was glad that he saved Tylor's life and thought about Holly again.

　　Why did she trust him with Ty's tumor but didn't trust him with his baby? So many questions were arising, and he knew, even if his mother told him that Holly never deserved a thing from Jake, that he should talk to her about what happened 5 years ago, but a part of him was shit scared of it. Was he ready to hear the truth? What she had to say?

　　But he was contemplating it. At least that was a start.

　　Jake went back to Downsend on the day Holly was off. He just couldn’t see her. He neededto sort out the things in his head first.

　　He walked into his office and found the warning on his table.

　　He picked it up and walked behind his desk and read through it.

　　His words were professional, but there was underlying anger behind all of them.

　　She must know what she did five years ago was wrong. She might really have meant that oath. Her way of dealing with her mistakes and trying to make it right. It was the only thing that made sense. She got Ty's scans illegally to him somehow. He knew she was behind it.

　　The images of how she fought for Ellie's life followed.

　　He shouldn't put Holly in that light. He should focus on the pain and the mess she left him in. But he knew that it too was going to fade eventually.

　　He didn't lie that her scent, and having his arms around her brought a lot of memories back.

　　It was not how he imagined it, but it opened a lot of emotions again.

　　She still smelled the same—coconuts mixed with vanilla.

　　He missed that scent, and for a long time, he was addicted to the smell of coconuts.

　　He couldn't imagine Holly not being here.

　　He pushed the warning through the shredder instead of filing it.

　　He knew it was wrong, but she was back, and he must find out her reason behind this.

　　He finished some paperwork and went home again.

　　The following week was filled with surgeries upon surgeries.

　　The ones he had at Downsend, he tried not to walk into Holly.

　　He just finished with surgery at Downsend when his beeper went off.

　　He had to go to OR two.

　　He rushed down to the OR and arranged all his tools as he waited for the patient.

　　He saw one of the nurses rushing and Holly.

　　Fuck.

　　"So, you are going to have such an amazing time with Peter Pan and the lost boys." He saw her speaking to a little girl with dark raven hair.

　　Why was this happening? Dave pushed the cart at the front. Holly was still speaking softly to the girl. Why was she so great with them? She shouldn't be. He wasn't expecting this at all.

　　Desire waited outside, arms folded. She wasn't impressed by a mile.

　　Please, don’t let Holly scrub in.

　　Not today and not on a patient that could easily have been his child either.

　　"Here's her CT scan, Dr. Peters."

　　As he scanned Maggie Davenport's file, 7, car accident, trauma to the brain, he saw Holly tensing up through the corner of his eyes.

　　"Where is Dr. Matthews?"

　　"Clearly, she's not here," Holly said, sounding sarcastic.

　　She really must not have liked that warning.

　　She looked back at the little girl, gave her a beautiful smile, and stroked her hair. "Remember what I said. It's time to sleep now, okay? Have fun.” She nodded at Chris to hand her the gas mask, which she carefully put on Maggie's face, pulling the elastic over her head. With another nod, she gave him the go-ahead.

　　She was so gentle. He understood what Teresse meant, with Holly having potential with making it as a pediatrician.

　　He concentrated on Maggie and saw how her body went limp.

　　Desire walked through the doors, and Holly walked out.

　　Thank you,Jake thanked the higher power. Miracles still happened, and he started working on Maggie as Holly walked out.

　　She didn't leave, though. She watched through the windows where they cleaned up before surgery. Watching him. No pressure whatsoever.

　　He tried to stop the bleeding as Desire asked him what he needed.

　　He answered, and as he took the tool from her hand, he watched how the matter just shut down.

　　It turned that yucky dead grey.

　　Fuck!Tears wanted to well up in his eyes. She was just seven years old with dark raven curls and the most beautiful little girl that would never do anything with her life.

　　The door opened. "What's going on? Why are you stopping?" Holly's voice demanded behind a mask.

　　He doesn't have time for this. Not today. "Don't, Scallanger," he said through clenched teeth. He stepped away from Maggie to pick up his tools.

　　"What are you doing?" Holly yelled. An eerie silence filled the OR. She was making a fucking scene, why? Because he didn't save this girl's life!

　　"I said don't," he repeated. "It's too late."

　　"But… but…we were talking just a moment ago. Fix her!" Holly yelled like a banshee.

　　His head snapped around at Holly.What the fuck?

　　"You've got to fix her!" she screeched. "She's only a little girl!"

　　Anger welled up at him. "Get her out of my fucking OR!"

　　Dave, who was closest, grabbed Holly by the arm and dragged her out.

　　She grunted.

　　He wasn't the one that ran away to kill his child five years ago.

　　He kicked the dustbin that was in the OR. The nurses all jumped, and the anesthetist, Chris Landon, just froze.

　　Jake had a bit of a temper whenever he lost a patient, and Maggie was no different. She was one of the worst because of what she looked like.

　　"Calm down, Dr. Peters. We can't win them all."

　　"Holly shouldn't be working here. She is a fucking lunatic," Desire said, and Jake rushed out of the OR.

　　He leaned against the wall. Everyone was leaving him alone, they know by now not to ask him anything.

　　He couldn’t believe that Holly rushed into the OR. That she had the balls to yell at Jake in front of the staff.

　　She'd fucking done it this time. Jake had had enough. He didn't give a shit, and Teresse wasn't here to calm him down. If that infuriating woman thought that any of this was easy for him, she'd just made a fucking mistake.

　　He went to the ER. Sue was working tonight's shift. "You've seen Dr. Scallanger anywhere?" he barked.

　　"No. Is everything okay?"

　　He shook his head and stomped off. He could hear Tamera, one of the OR nurses present in his OR, giving Sue a breakdown of Holly throwing a scene. He went to pediatrics and found Dennis. "You've seen Holly anywhere?" He didn't care about addressing her correctly anymore.

　　"Try upstairs by the generators. Holly goes there a lot."

　　Jake made his way there, barging through the doors and running the stairs two to three steps at a time. Why the fuck had she come back? Why was she so hostile? She had no fucking reason to be. He had the right to be pissed, not her. She was going to get a pieceof his mind.

　　He reached the top and opened the heavy door.

　　He saw her sitting against the wall. She looked up when she noticed him and stood back onher feet.

　　"You're not welcome here, so get the hell out. I really do not want to see your face right now!" she yelled at him.

　　"I am a fucking attending at this hospital, Dr. Scallanger. You will not speak to me like that ever again in front of any staff, Period. Step out of line one more time, and you can go back to wherever the hell you came from!" he roared, loud and clear.

　　"So be it. See if I care." Her anger was out of hand.

　　"Excellent!" He turned around and left.

　　Fuming, he rushed back down the steps. He almost hit the wall but knew that damaging his hands would raise questions, which he wouldn't be able to answer.

　　He opened the door on the fifth floor and wanted to smash something.

　　He hadn't been this angry in a long fucking time.

　　This was it. Holly was done. No way she would get back up where she was.

　　He came into his office and screamed.

　　He hadn't been this livid in a long time.

　　The door opened, and Pam that worked this week's night shifts entered.

　　"Is everything okay, Dr. Peters?"

　　"Print me out a warning, please." He grunted, and she left.

　　She came back a few minutes later and handed him the warning.

　　He scanned it on to his computer and opened it to fill in the report.

　　His hands shook from anger as he typed each key hard. He made so many fucking mistakes and had to fix that before he carried on.

　　It took a long time to finally type up her warning, and when he was done, he printed it out and added his million-dollar hand signature below.

　　He grabbed his bag.

　　No matter how hard he tried to stay out of Holly's sight, she would always be right fucking there.

　　He just had to stay the fuck away from Downsend.

　　He walked out of his office with giant strides and slammed the warning hard on the table. "Make sure Dr. Matthews gets it, and tell her to leave it on my desk."

　　"Will do, Dr. Peters."

　　"Goodnight," Desire said, standing at the reception.

　　He didn't even greet her back.

　　He needed sex, drink, fucking whatever was going to elevate his mood, and he needed it fast.

　　Around nine the next morning, his phone rang. It was Teresse.

　　"Jake," he answered.

　　"It's Teresse, what happened?" She sighed.

　　"She is infuriating, that's what happened." He told her what she did last night, and Teresse just sighed.

　　"Please, Jake, reconsider."

　　"Fuck, no," he laughed. "One more and she is gone, Teresse. Do I make myself clear?"

　　"Crystal."

　　"I don't ever want to work with her again, make that crystal too." He put the phone down in her ear.

　　Asking him to reconsider. Really.

　　He wished she could go back to Seattle, of all places.

　　Seattle would do that to a person. Change them into the worst creatures in a possible way.

　　He had no idea how his godfather was doing it.

　　He regretted shredding up that first warning and should've just filed it.

　　He went into surgery, and Rod just looked at him.

　　He didn't speak. He knew Jake so well. Knew something happened at Downsend, but he couldn't talk to Rod about it. He knew Holly. He was 99% sure of it. How well, he had no idea, and at this moment he didn't care either.

　　For the next few days, he was like a bear with an aching tooth.

　　Even Kate started to fight with him one night during dinner. She had enough.

　　He went to the bar and Armand met him there.

　　"Jake, what is going on?"

　　"Nothing. I really don't want to talk, Armand."

　　"Is it the wedding?"

　　"Are you here to drink or to talk? I'm not interested in talking."

　　"Okay, just calm down." He ordered himself a drink, and they drank in silence.

　　The only time he did speak to Armand was when he told him goodnight and went back home.

　　The rest of the week, things started to calm down, and so did his temper.

　　A few days later, he felt like himself again and spent Sunday lunch with his family.

　　He kept thinking about Maggie as he looked at Michael.

　　He found Amelia's eyes on him, and he smiled as he got up and went to his father's bar andpoured him a drink.

　　Nobody drank in front of Amelia anymore. She was a year sober now, and he knew that he should support her, but today wasn't one of those days.

　　"Son," his father spoke to him.

　　"Dad, please."

　　"Okay," he spoke. Last year wasn't this hard. Or maybe he just pretended well.

　　A few days later, he was back at Downsend. What the fuck was he doing here? It had been almost two weeks since the incident in the OR. He'd hoped that incident would have caused her to topple off that pedestal he still kept her on, but he was wrong. He'd neverthought Holly could upset him so much.

　　Walking past reception, he greeted Pam and Sue, then went to his office.

　　"Sue!" he yelled, throwing his bag down onto the sofa. He poked his head out of his office door.

　　"Yes, Dr. Peters?" She smiled.

　　"Could you please be a darling and get me a cup of coffee from pediatrics? They have the best coffee there."

　　Nodding, Sue giggled.

　　Jake sighed inwardly. Walking around his desk, he plopped down. Smack bang in the middleof his desk was the signed warning notice he'd issued for Holly—the one he'd given her for speaking to him in anger for not saving Maggie Davenport.

　　Guilt, he knew, was obviously causing all of this. Because of it, Holly wanted him to save every kid's life she came across.

　　Why was she doing this to him? If she thought it was easy for him to see children die, because neither of them got to see what their baby would've looked like, she was so very wrong.

　　He stopped his thoughts from going to a place he didn't want to visit. He refused to trudge through the events of his life five years ago. Yet it was all he could think aboutlately. Why the fuck did she have to come back and mess up his life again?

　　All of a sudden, he struggled with surgeries and lost more patients than he was accustomed to.

　　The warning on his desk would end up where the first one ended up. Holly's third warning, should it come to that, meant that she would be sent packing if she fucked up again. Sighing, he sat back in his chair. Why the fuck had he not filed the first one, instead of shredding it? For some inexplicable reason, he couldn't imagine not having Holly around. As much as she tore his heart to pieces and made him mad every time they fought, he couldn't stand the thought of her leaving again.

　　Every bit of stress she'd caused him, everything she'd put him through, not to mention the night when Teresse placed the baby in his arms and drove him nuts. That night, she'd just left. Obviously, she couldn't stand watching him hold a baby when she'd aborted theirs. He hoped the guilt ruined her. He'd tried to stay away from this fucking hospital. God knew he tried, but his anger always found a way to work itself out, and he'd returned in the hopes of seeing her again. Why was life so difficult?

　　All Jake wanted to do was wrap his arms around Holly and remembered what it felt like to have his lips on hers. But this couldn't and wasn't going to happen. He'd fought againstit with everything he had. His family couldn't go through that again.

　　He looked down at the warning. It'd taken him hours to type it up and now…Leaning forward, he snatched it off his desk, turned, and fed it to the shredder. Rubbing his forehead, he sighed and leaned back against his desk. This wasn't fair, not to him, and not to Kate or Michael. He shouldn't be at Downsend, and yet he didn't want to be anywhere else.

　　Jake finally worked out what having Holly around meant. She was his own brand of kryptonite.