I feel like an actual piece of garbage. I don't feel okay and everything in my life is going to shit.
I slowly closed my eyes as I took a deep breath in, trying to relax my tensed muscles as my mood only got worse.
My sexuality is the last thing I'd ever want the people in my school to know about and the fact that I'm sitting here on my couch like a dead pig contemplating whether my life is still worth it or not because I got outed is a really trashy feeling.
"I hate my life!" I screamed, already feeling my mom's cold glare pierce through the kitchen.
"Micah, language!" She yelled back, proceeding to walk towards me. "Is everything okay?" She asked with a seriously worried tone, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
My eyes kept closed for only another second until I finally opened them at her. "Have you ever had one of those days where you just honestly wanna vanish. Or better, sleep and never wake up again?"
My mom humorously looked up. "Yea of course, every time I remember I married your asshole of a father."
"Well mom this is worse." I felt my breathing start to become more rapid as I fixed my posture on the couch. "Maybe not worse but it's definitely not okay." I added.
"Okay, spill the tea already! Throw shade!" She laughed as I cringed. "Wait before you do I just wanted to say that I really like your slang by the way and I use it at work, everybody loves me now because I'm a such cool mom."
"I don't even say those things." I suddenly winced. "You're not that cool-" She quickly interrupted me.
"Hush, I don't need your approval because I know I'm cool." She smiled before speaking again. "Now forget about me. What's your issue?"
I tried to speak through the incoming wave of emotions as I rolled my eyes. "You know that football player I told you about." She quickly closed her eyes since she seemed to connect the dots already. "Well he outed me out to everyone at school, and now my phone is being blasted with DM's and comments if it's true or not."
"DM's?" She queried out of nowhere, making me roll my eyes as I answered.
"Direct messages."
"Oh, well I specifically told you not to trust him just because he's attractive. I warned you about this. You can't just tell the other kids that he's lying?" She spoke, continuing to make my blood boil at myself for being so stupid to be trusting the football team captain just because he was hot.
"Mom they're not gonna believe me! He's popular and I'm not." My voice got subtly quieter as continued. "Well now I am since I'm now known for being this little thirsty gay kid who wants to get with the captain of the football team. What makes it worse is that it's actually the other way around! It's not okay to out someone's sexuality just because you're insecure about yours and you have a reputation to keep."
"I'm really sorry Micah." My mom's tone was very depressing to hear. Knowing how close we are, I can tell how saddened she genuinely feels about my situation. "We're gonna fix this okay?" I slowly nodded as I returned her warm comforting hug.
"I don't know how but thanks I guess." I sighed through my existential crisis, my mind racing on what I should do next.
Jump off a cliff maybe?
Knocks on my front door progressively got harder as I tried to ignore it so I don't miss a single moment of my favorite T.V show, but it was clearly not gonna stop.
Ugh why do other humans exist!
I rolled my eyes as I casually opened the door. "May I help you." My mouth dropped as Brandon's green eyes sliced through mine. "What the hell, what are you doing here?"
I felt myself unconsciously move back from him as a rush of emotions began to course through my body every second I kept my eyes on him. It was like looking at someone absolutely different. All the moments, the time, the things we gave to each other, stripped away as if it was some fever dream that never happened.
"You don't sound too happy to see me." He smirked, walking himself in as he adjusted his varsity jacket. My mouth was still dropped as I watched him act so careless. "Look Micah, I gotta admit, you're so much better than my girlfriend. She doesn't even know how to kiss me right."
"Brandon this is not okay! Get the fuck out of my house before I call the cops." My fists tightened as looking at him only made me angrier.
"Why are you so mad?" He raised an eyebrow at me.
My eyebrows furrowed down as my mouth only got wider. "Why am I- why am I mad? Are you fucking kidding me right now? You outed me out to everyone at school!" I screamed out.
Thank god my mom went to the store because he's about to catch these hands.
"Oh that." Brandon pouted as he looked like he was holding in a chuckle. "I didn't think you'd care." He shrugged.
"This is ridiculous! Brandon get out of my house, I can't believe you just said that." I pointed my finger to the door.
"Chill Micah, you're acting like a girl. That's one of the reasons why I liked getting with you. You didn't act like a little bitch. But now look at you." He threw me a dirty look as he buried his hands into his jacket pockets.
"Well this little bitch doesn't want anything to do with you. You ruined my life and you don't even seem to have a single ounce of care!" I rapidly swung the door open as I gestured for him to leave. "I never wanna see you again. You're a disgusting human being."
"Yea right. I know you think I'm hot!" Brandon replied back.
My face wrinkled in pure confusion as my hand ruffled into my head. "W-what are you even saying right now. Who are you. The Brandon I know would've never done that to me."
"L-look I just told everyone that you were gay. I mean it's not like I lied you are gay right? I just don't get why you would be so mad about it." He defended as tears began to stream down my flushed cheeks now. "I mean I basically have it worse, I'm the one that's gotta face all the questions like why was I hanging out with the gay kid. I had to tell everyone I hung out with you for tutoring and I hate lying."
"Are you even straight?" My voice got unconsciously louder as he prepared to reply again.
"I'm 100 percent straight, bro." He slowly nodded his head, a perfect strand of brown hair falling onto his eyes. "I just wanted to experiment and see how kissing a guy would feel like."
"B-but-" I struggled to talk as began to cry more as it seemed like it only annoyed him even more. "You said you liked me. You said you were ever gonna let anyone hurt me. All these years you made me think it was safe to open myself up to you and I've never done that before." I sniffed as I felt like dying.
"Oh come now don't cry, I just said those things because it made you more passionate. if I never said those things you would've been so dry at kissing, and mind you, you're a virgin. Virgins are awful at kissing." Every word that left his mouth stabbed and tore me apart as I began to feel dizzy now.
"That is so bullshit! Are you listening to yourself right now? You're trapped inside a glass closet Brandon. Also I'm not just some experiment, I'm a human being!" My fists clenched at him.
"Something tells me you're not really mad at me." Brandon threw me a smug look, biting his lip as he slowly moved closer towards me.
"What are you talking about?" My face was disgusted as I moved back, my tears dripping down on the wooden floor.
"Your nose is bleeding." He let out a devilish laugh as I let out a tired sigh. "That only ever happens when we do stuff together. Micah I know you like the way I make you feel."
I gently brushed my hand under my nose and let out an exasperated noise as it quickly drew blood. "Get out! I never wanna see you again!"
"Whatever." He shrugged, preparing to leave. "Have fun getting your ass handed to you on Monday. The boys in the football team are already planning to beat the fuck outta you anyway." He laughed as he walked out the door, making me slam it the second he walked out.