Vanessa’s slim fingers felt clammy against the steering wheel as she thought back to the call she had received earlier from the hospital, the test results were ready.

She reached into the cup holder and brought out a water bottle filled with hot black coffee, she took a sip of her drink to give herself courage and calm her frayed nerves.

‘Bitter and bland’. Exactly what she needs

She could feel her heart pounding wildly and was sure the sound resonated in the silent car.

She opened the car windows and even the air smelt unmistakably of disaster, maybe just to her, she rolled them back.

‘The drive to the hospital seemed longer than usual’ she thought as she finally drove into the hospital yards, she didn’t bother parking her car in the worker’s lane. Besides she has never really cared for those regular spaces and all.

Taking her step one by one towards the diagnostic room, her heart sank to the bottom of her stomach, this was the same hospital she worked every single day yet today it felt like she was in her personal hell. This was different, this test results would determine her life and future. And she was fast to decide there wouldn’t be any future for her as she already knows what it would read.

She pressed her lips tightly together anxiously as the automatic doors slid open and she let herself into the specialist office,

“Glad you could come in today; it’s your day off”. The doctor said as she sat on one of the chairs in the big room. Life tossed an irony at Vanessa as she, a doctor, literally becomes a patient.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world”. Vanessa finally replied with a hint of sarcasm.

“You look well Vanessa, marriage treats you better”. The doctor continued trying to make small talk to ease the tension in the room but Vanessa wasn’t having it.

“Thank you, now we both know what I am here for. She bit out, stretching her hand. “Can I have the test results”?

The doctor took no offence and smiled brightly at the tensed Vanessa, “they would be ready soon, it is in the printing room”.

Vanessa nodded and withdrew her hand; she interlocked her fingers and began to nervously twitch them together, chewing on her lower lip as she waited for the results.

The clock on the wall ticked as time rolled past, seconds after seconds, minutes after minutes till an hour passed, Vanessa had had it up to here, and her tolerance level is beeping a bright red. “Mrs. Martin, what is with the delay, if you knew I wouldn’t be collecting them why did you place a call to me”?

The doctor still smiled at Vanessa, this time quite sadly and asked her to sit back down, after glaring at the nice doctor Vanessa sat down, crossing her legs over each other. “it would be ready in five minutes, I am really sorry”.

The opening of the door made Vanessa tightly twist her fingers together, it must have been quite a painful twist but Vanessa was numb and detached as the nurse passed the files to the doctor, closing the door gently behind her as she left the room. The doctor went through them, humming quietly, shuffling through the piles of paper. She fished out a couple of printed papers and placed them in front of her on the table. She carefully, returned the other files into her desk drawer, and then she picked up the papers and extended them towards Vanessa.

She took them and scanned through it, going through her husband’s result first. On the genotype result slip, her husband’s was an AS and blood type, O negative, and he was as clean as a cotton, all his STDs test result came out negative. She sighed in relief.

She took her time in folding it neatly then she placed it inside her handbag, it was time to check hers and she went with the genotype first, it was an AA and blood type read, B positive.

Cold sweat broke out on her forehead as she opened the HIV result, her nerves were in a knot at this time and her hands were really shaking, the paper fell from her hands and she sucked in a deep breath, and bent down to pick up the paper.

She forced her eyes to focus and willed her hands to stop quivering, she warily read through the result slip, her eyes welling with tears as she got to the last text at the bottom of the result. Just as she had feared and thought, she was HIV positive, her heart squeezed in pain and she gasped, trying to get oxygen in her lungs that were closing up. the paper fell again but this time she didn’t pick it, she closed her eyes and hot tears fell behind her closed lids.

She felt disoriented and was out of sorts as her life flashed before her eyes and all she could see was her dying and Dylan resenting her forever. She couldn’t bear for that to happen. She has always wanted to bear his children so bad so this pain was too much. She clutched her hand to her chest, to her heart that felt like it was tearing into half.

Vanessa shivered now, despite the humidity of the room, with her other hand; she grasped the end of the table, so tightly her knuckles turned white. Her knees shook, she had half expected this result after her meeting with Henry but it still hurt. ‘I showed no symptoms, all this years’ she thought in her head.

The doctor looked at her with so much pity and she wanted to hug her and tell her it would be okay. But she didn’t want to startle the woman who seemed to be in shock.

Vanessa’s lips parted in dismay as she tried to gather her scattered senses, she became aware of the doctor’s intent gaze and she sat up straighter. Picking up her napkin, she dabbed at her tears and cleaned her face dry.

She tucked her napkin and the result slip in her bag and she thanked the doctor, standing up to leave.

“Mrs. Compton, have a seat”. The doctor instructed. “I know you must be thinking everything is over as there is no plausible cure yet for HIV but trust me if I tell you there are methods of reducing the virus inside of you”.

There was a poignant pause and the air seemed to thicken. “What is the point?” Vanessa asked quietly. “My husband could become infected and I am not sure I would be able to carry a child without getting it infected”.

The doctor smiled and passed some fliers to Vanessa. “There is a seminar coming up in few months, centered at enlightening PLWHA”.

“Make sure to attend this with your husband, it will help you guys in overcoming this challenge”. She finished saying.

Vanessa’s lips trembled as she tried to smile, a weak smile spreading out on her face. “My husband—my husband, what made you think I would tell him”. She laughed.

The doctor stared at her in slight confusion, “Well that is between the both of you but you should inform him, silence is not the answer. And I will prescribe some medications for you, trust me Mrs. Compton if you adhere to my instructions, you can live longer than most normal people. I mean you are a doctor yourself, you know these things”.

“Medicine is advanced and I assure you if you do not give up on yourself and your drugs, you will carry a child to its full term and give birth without infecting your child. HIV isn’t the end of the world if it is adequately managed. And besides it would get to a stage when the percentage of the infection would be about a meager 0.97 percent and you would be able to have unprotected sex with your partner without fear of transmitting it to him. So please Vanessa, everything would be fine”. She further explained and Vanessa nodded not really soaking up the details.

The doctor scribbled on a note and handed it to Vanessa, who in turn kept it in her bag.

She murmured a gratitude to the doctor and this time without looking back she left the room, walking out of the hospital like the weight of the world was on her shoulders.

She found her way to her car and turned the key in the ignition, putting her car in drive with no sense of destination. It was a miracle she didn’t get involved in an accident as she didn’t even see the road she was driving on. Her mind was playing tricks on her and all she saw was her husband leaving her, tears blurred her vision as she finally parked her audi.

She finally forced herself to become conscious of her environment and she notes that she was at the beach, ‘why the beach’ she wondered.

She came down from her car, shoving the keys into her jeans pocket and wandered aimlessly around the beach. At last, she found herself sat and settled on rocky bed, throwing stones into the river.

‘This is so cliché’. She murmured ludicrously at fate, as this was the exact same spot and manner she had met Henry, her ex.

<Her first love and lover>.

*She had failed some important courses and feeling disappointed in herself, she had walked to the beach. She sat on her favorite spot to get some fresh air and decide on what course her life would take academically. She had absently minded raised her hand to toss a stone in frustration into the rolling waves of the ocean, then the most deep and sexy voice she has ever heard, whispered close to her ears.

“Please hold that stance, you are so beautiful”. He had murmured into her ears. She managed not to turn to look at the owner of the voice, holding the pose just as he had instructed. The man seems to carry a color palette and canvas everywhere he went to, so he set up his materials and set to work. About three hours later, vanessa’s poor neck that was craned protested and she gave up, dropping her hand and she cried out.

“See man, I don’t know who you are, but my neck fucking hurts” she had said.

“My bad, I was done painting you an hour after we started, I have this problem of forgetting my models are human and needs a break”. He laughed apologetically and she nodded in agreement.

“Oh dear lord, forgive my manners, I am Henry Houston, a painter and you, my beautiful fairy”. He had said, smiling crookedly at her.

She laughed trying to dispel the awkwardness, “it’s fine, and I am Vanessa darego, a medical student at the Cramford University”.

He smiled really wide, his eyes crinkling at the sides, Vanessa noticed his eyes were a rich an warm amber color and his lips looked so soft and pink, she wondered how it would feel like to kiss him, to feel his stubble run against her soft cheeks, his next words brought her out of her ogling, “I really do want to see more of you, do you mind giving me a mode of contacting you?”

His politeness made her feel butterflies in the pit of her belly and she nodded asking for his mobile phone if he had one, she inputted her phone number and email address, also wanting to see more of this handsome stranger.

“Thank you”. He had replied

He made a little bow and packed up his tools, turning to leave but Vanessa had stopped him, “can I see what you painted”. She had asked in a shy and quiet voice.

He smirked, his full lips lifting up at the left side and nodded in negation, she made to protest and throw a hissy fit but he shushed her, “Why don’t you hold on so you’d have something to look forward to when next we meet”.

She shook her head no but he ignored her with a smile and walked away from her, without turning once to look at her, all she could do was stare at his retreating back, till he faded into a thin nothingness and she was all alone. She wondered if she had imagined the whole encounter but was proved wrong as her eyes caught a glimpse of a small paintbrush in the soft sand. She decides to keep it as a souvenir for the services she rendered to him**.

A loud whistle in the far off distance brought Vanessa to the present, she had spent hours at the beach and it was really dark and she could hardly make out her fingers in front of her, she managed to fish out her cell phone from her pocket and switched on the led flash light, which illuminated her surroundings. She shuffled her feet exasperatedly in the soft beach sand, heading towards the spot she parked her Audi. She found her car and entered into it, buckling herself in tightly as she began the short drive home.