My bedroom door bust open startling me, making me jump from my bed dropping my books on the floor..

He walked in slowly holding a beer in his hand, he smiled the moment his eyes landed on me..

"Where's...." he left his sentence short and took a sip on the bottle he was holding. He then stumbled further inside and closed the door.. slowly he caressed my face as a tear dropped from my eye. I knew what was going to happen... and as much as I hated it, I couldn't even stop him.

My breathing hissed like a snake looking for food when I felt his hand tighten on my neck choking me as his lips made contact with my skin...

He pushed me backwards until the back of my legs hit the bed and then he laid me down. I closed my eyes.. I knew what was coming. I shut my eyes so hard and silently prayed for it to stop, for someone to walk in, for God to do something... I prayed....

But I heard his zipper and the next thing I knew his hands were pulling down my trousers.

I felt sick and dirty....

I could smell his stinking breath on my neck... his sweat brushing against my already tired body as he hovered over me pushing me against the mattress... The strong smell of alcohol from him could intoxicate me too. My eyes we shut but I could still see his face from the first time he started this.. I couldn't forget how he looked and how disgusted I was with myself after that.

My body felt so numb from fighting under his. Alcohol made him more heavier and powerful. It was like he knew and he'd drink all the time and definitely toxicate his mind before doing this... It was like he never wanted to remember.

I internally wished he'd warn me before you know, like tell me he was going to come so I'd drink too and never have to feel him do this or pay attention to his smell or weight... but he didn't. He'd just budge in and I'd have no say. My tears never stopped him. My sobs never stopped him, even threatening to talk never phased him... instead it made things worse.

His breathing changed and he started groaning too I knew that he was about to finish. I shut my eyes harder and prayed for him to just be done with.. his hand moved faster on him and on me....

'arhh....' he said one last time before laying on me for a while. He got up and stumbled while trying to zip up his pants.

'next time... I'll bring my friend....'

'Noooooooo!' I screamed literally jumping up from my bed and hitting the floor.. sweat on my forehead.. I breathed in and out trying to calm myself down telling me that it's just a bad dream... it was just a dream.

I looked towards the door and smiled when I saw the key there.. it was still locked and no one would get in.

"Mhmm...ahh fuck!" I said getting up slowly and looking at my window realizing that it's actually not that dark at all, meaning it was almost morning. I looked for my phone under my pillow and found out that the time is 5:30 am.

I sighed and went to my bathroom, I knew I couldn't get back to sleep, so bathing would be ideal...

You know, one would think that moving to a new place and leaving everything behind would have you staring afresh and leaving every demon back... but this was different.

My family and I just moved to Johannesburg from a small town in the Eastern Cape. My dad, Sipho.. STEP dad to be exact found a job in Johannesburg and we immediately had to move.. sadly I had no say at all since he is the head of the house. My mother, Julia was dad's secretary at work and then there was me and my little sister Lizzie...

We were a perfect family......... if you were looking from the outside. When you were inside... it was anywhere near perfect. We had our own demons, ones that haunt me almost every night.. giving me sleepless nights until I gave in to alcohol. And yeah that was a bad move for a 17 year old but I just wanted the pain to stop, I just wanted my thoughts to be about something different other that these demons.

I quickly finished bathing and went back to my PJs since it was way too early to go to school. I was si excited to be starting at this new all girls private school here... my dad said he's sending me there so I won't have time for boys.. little did he know that that was the last gender he Should be worried about.

A light knock on my door removed me from my thoughts.. I ran there and unlocked it, "hey mom..."

She furrowed her brows at me, "umh... you're awake.. and you smell nice.."

I smiled, "excited about school and I just couldn't wait.. do you need help with anything?"

She smiled and gave me a kiss, "well, you can go bath your sister and get her ready... I have to go register her since I couldn't yesterday because we needed to put everything in it's place here..."

"Didn't you register her online like you did me?"

She nodded her head, "I did honey but I need to take her there and then go get the staff they'll need and all that.."

"Ohh like I have to do.. okay let's not waste time.. let me go bath her."

I walked down to my sister's room.. best thing about moving was that the housebess bigger and it had four bedrooms compared to the first one that had two and I was forced to share with my seven year old sister... now she has her own room and so do I. It was just amazing.

I slowly opened the door and got in, she was sleeping soundlessly on her barbie bed.. I held her body and whispered, "Lizzie... baby you have to wake up.. Lizzie."

She slowly opened her eyes and gave me a confused Look.

I laugher, "It's time to bath..."

She opened her arms still looking sleepy and I picked her up taking her to her bathroom.

At 6:30 I was downstairs with the family having breakfast...

"Hurry up Lizzie honey.. we need to go.." my mom said watching her younger child eating noodles.

"Go where? Aren't we supposed to be going to work?" My dad asked staring at my mom..

"We are.. but I need to go check everything at her school and then I'll go to work..." mom responded and my dad sighes, I knew exactly that this wasn't going to end well.

"Lizzie can you go get your bag in your room honey.."

My little sister smiled and ran upstairs to "get her bag" little did she know that it was a way off chasing her away so she won't see the imperfection of this family.

"Julia, you know exactly that you should be at work in time.. how will you explain being late to the new bosses?"

"What do you suggest then? I have to take Lizzie there..." mom said calmly.

Her husband shook his head, "No man no! Olwethu can take the kid... you can't be late at work on your first day."

"She can't be late at school too... you know how strict they are there.. She's starting today Sipho..!"

I kept quiet and watched as they exchanged arguments but I knew that mom would never win, he'd always twist this thing because he was a lawyer and he'd come out well while he was talking shit.

I sighed knowing Lizzie would show up any second from her room.

"I'll take her..." I cut them off..

"Honey no..." my mom said but I shook my head, "you should be at work.. I'll take Lizzie.. I don't mind, I'll go to school aftee."

"See, she will take her.. case closed!" My dad said and I got up to put my dish in the washer. And just as I guessed my little sister came running with her barbie school bag.. God she was obsessed with barbie..

"Here daddy.." I watched and she handed her father her bag and he took her to his lap and kissed her while whispering things to her.

The sight should have made me happy. I should be glad that he's being an amazing father but watching him do that made me feel sick to my stomach. Watching his hands tickle her like that and his lips on her neck.. it was disgusting to me because it took me to my darkest place..

"Olwethu!" Mom snapped at me and I turned to her, "mom.."

"Look you don't have to do this... you can just go straight to school."

"Then who will?" I asked her and she just stared at me.

I sighed and went to take my sister from her dad and walked out..

"Why isn't mommy coming..?" Lizzie asked as we got inside her transport.

"Because she has work..."

"Why does she have work?"

I rolled my eyes, "so she can buy you as many barbie collections as she can."

She laughed so hard and I smiled at her.. I'd do anything to make sure she laughs like that. I'd do anything to protect her.