Avery

A mistake is defined as an action or judgment that is misguided or wrong; to be wrong about something. I have never been so wrong before in my life, which leaves me questioning my choices. When I decided I wanted to become a law enforcement officer, it was because of the desire I had to make a meaningful impact. When my friend, Troy Myer, was falsely accused of statutory rape during our senior year of high school, I watched how flawed the justice system was. Although his innocence could have been proven, his father chose to make the whole thing go away, rather than to believe in his son. I guess enough money and power can make anything happen. Troy, however, was never the same. That is when my future plans were locked in, I applied to the Southern Arizona Law Enforcement Training Center right out of high school, graduated in the top of my class, and quickly gained employment with the Tucson Police Department. I felt like my life was heading in a positive direction, that I was going to make a difference, until I was assigned my first case.

I vividly remember the first time I laid eyes on her, Katie Stiles. I was assigned the hospital follow—up on her sexual assault case. She had just been through a traumatic experience, and all I could do was get lost in those intense blue eyes. I arrogantly thought I was going to solve her case in record time, promising myself that I would bring closure for this beautiful, fragile woman. I didn't intend to fall for her. I have fallen so hard and so fast that the unexpected pregnancy that resulted from her sexual assault didn't sway me. My determination to solve her case led me to do the exact thing that had originally set my course toward my career path. Armed with suspicion, I confronted Troy, and accused him of her assault, without getting all the facts or allowing him to speak. I became like his father in that moment, rather than assuming innocence I presumed guilt. I told him I would take care of it, that I would make it go away. Imagine my shock, when a past indiscretion is brought to light while Katie is delivering her baby that proves that I, instead of Troy, am the guilty one. During a celebration approximately nine months ago, I was coerced to role play a rape. Even with me being drunk off my ass, we were consenting adults, so what was the harm? Unknowingly to me until today, our role play was interrupted by someone else entering the alley. The beautiful young woman who I am watching now, who has faced incredible odds and whose strength inspires me. I watch, with my heart in my throat, as she pushes out a baby boy, one with red hair, just like me.

I barely hear the doctor ask me if I would like to cut the cord over the roaring in my ears. I feel lightheaded and sick to my stomach. I run from the room, down the hall to the bathroom, and vomit in the toilet. I take a seat on the floor, my head resting in my hands. A lot about that night I can remember. I remember leaving with Vanessa, who was also celebrating landing a job at a tabloid magazine in California. We had hooked up before, and Vanessa was infamous for role playing. I remember us discussing the rape role play and deciding to find an alley. I just assumed it was Vanessa I approached in the dark alley. I was engulfed in my part, playing it well. How did I not connect the dots before now? I walked into the hospital on that first day, knowing I was handling a sexual assault case, I never even entertained the idea that what had happened to Katie was so similar to the role play I had been a part of the previous night. A quick phone call to Vanessa confirms that someone else entering the alley had caused her to abort our mission. It all makes so much sense now, all the red flags had been present. The only thing I couldn't figure out was Troy. When I had confronted him before, he had admitted that he had been in the alley that night, but insisted he wasn't the one who assaulted Katie. I now know I was. I need to talk to Troy again, so I leave the hospital without saying a word to Katie and head to Troy's penthouse apartment.

"You knew this whole time, why didn't you say anything?" I look over at Troy, fighting back the tears that are threatening to escape. He looks over at me, the pained expression on his face telling me that he had been suffering as well.

"Once you left with Vanessa, Wayne and I had congregated to a table away from the bar. That is when dear old dad showed up. Apparently, he was impressed with the extra business Wayne had brought in with his stupid drinking games. Offered him that damn restaurant." Troy's nose is scrunched in obvious distain, anger apparent in his eyes.

"Wayne told me about that. You know he had nothing to do with that, you know he was worried about your relationship with him."

"I know, but I was pissed and stormed out before I could say anything I regretted. I started driving around and that is when I saw Vanessa's car. It was parked near the back alley of that new nightclub. I thought you two were stopping to check it out, so I parked behind her car planning to join you." Troy takes a deep breath, releasing it slowly. "I watched as you both got out of the car, Vanessa heading into the alley closest to the car, you were walking around to the far end of the alley. As I was getting out of my car, I saw Vanessa quickly returning to her car, but you were still headed into the alley, so I followed you." Troy pauses, looking over at me, still wearing that pained expression on his face.

I pinch myself on the bridge of my nose, eyes tightly closed, "What happened next?"

"I couldn't understand why you both were going into the alley. It was dark when I first entered, it took a minute for my eyes to adjust. Then I heard the muffled cries of a female and the audible sounds of her being taken against her will." He gives me a sympathetic look, then sighs, "I should have made my presence known. I watched as you came into view, and all I could think was how the perfect Avery Maulden, the guy who could do no evil, was raping an innocent woman. I know you thought it was Vanessa and that you would never knowingly cause harm to anyone. I should have stopped you and made you aware of what you were doing, but I was so pissed off at Wayne and my dad and found enjoyment in watching you screw up."

"That's fucked up Troy!" My anger is clear in my tone as I glare at him. "I can't believe you just stood there and allowed it to happen! It wasn't just my life I was fucking up; it was hers too!" I can't handle the rage any longer, and before I know what I am doing, I feel my fist as it slams into Troy's jaw. All the pain and anguish I am feeling over what I did to Katie I pour out in my assault on Troy. When his fist connects with my nose, I welcome the pain. I deserve to be punished for what I did to her. Troy pushes me up against the wall, his arm thrown across my neck, holding me in place.

"I know it was fucked up! I had been drinking and have spent my whole life in the shadow of you and Wayne, life just seems to hand you both everything. All I could think of at the time was what I could do with the knowledge of what you were doing." He releases his grip on me, pushing away from me, then rubbing his hand down his face, looking down, and taking a deep breath again. "When you were done, you stumbled out of the alley and passed out. Vanessa was already gone, so I loaded you into my vehicle and took you home. I had honestly planned to report the crime and let you take the fall for your stupidity."

"Why didn't you?"

"When I helped you into your place, you thanked me for being such a good friend. I felt like shit, your statement had me questioning the type of friend I was and wanted to be." He took a ragged breath, "Guilt ate away at me, so I avoided everyone. Tried to forget what had happened, but it haunted me. I went to the club and talked to the owner about what had happened. He unknowingly disclosed information, Katie's name and profession. I found out what vet's office she worked at and followed her home. That is when I was caught outside her house. I just wanted to check on her and make sure she was okay." He pauses, swallowing loudly. "I didn't realize you were dating her until the restaurant christening. I knew you had no recollection of the events of that night. That is why I invited you all to the lake house, I planned to tell you. Then I learned she was pregnant. I was so torn between right and wrong, but decided that if you knew, you wouldn't be able to live with yourself, then what would happen to the baby? So, I kept my mouth shut, but was losing my fucking mind knowing the truth. That is why I made the snide comments that I did at the restaurant grand opening. I figured maybe it would stimulate your memory. Guess that shit blew up in my face when I became your suspect."

I blow out a long breath, "Troy…."

"You know, what hurt me the most was that you never once asked me if I did it. You just assumed I did, based on the answers to all the other questions you asked me, never asking the one that mattered the most. Then, just like my father, you decided to just cover it all up and make it go away. I was so mad at you, but I knew you needed to know the truth. That is when I called and suggested that you talk to Vanessa."

"I'm sorry," I mutter, "I wish I had known sooner." I couldn't imagine the weight Troy must have carried knowing the truth and going through it alone, but I was also pissed at him because he had the power to stop it and chose not to.

"And if you had?" Troy is rubbing his temples, then looks over at me. "Avery, if that night had not happened in the alley, as bad as it was, you wouldn't have met Katie. You wouldn't have fallen in love and you wouldn't have a son. Sure, society tells us these things should happen a different way, but it didn't. If I could go back in time and change things, I wouldn't. She's the best thing that has ever happened to you."

It is true that the events of that night brought Katie into my life, but for Troy to not want to change anything about that night leaves a sour taste in my mouth. I am overcome with guilt, knowing that the person responsible for what happened to the woman I love was me. How do I make this right? "I committed a crime; I need to turn myself in and face the penalty for it." I look over at Troy, although I am angry at him, I am desperate for reassurance from him.

Troy lifts an eyebrow quizzically, "Who says you have to? You were willing to bury it for me?"

"The law says I do!" I am exhausted and defeated. I know I planned to cover everything up when I thought Troy was responsible, but it didn't make it right. I was trying to protect him, but knowing now that it was me, I don't feel like I deserve protecting. I knew, as a law enforcement officer, that rape was not a joking matter, and it certainly shouldn't have been the role play I considered that night. What kind of fucked up person am I to have thought that kind of behavior was okay?

"Avery, I think you should talk to her first. You need to tell her what happened, and you need to trust her. You need to believe in the love the two of you share. Once you have told her, then the two of you together will decide how to handle it. There are some things more important than your interpretation of the law."