They say that prostitution is the lowest profession in the world. It just like a call lady. Unlike other professions, prostitution don't need to study just to get into this one. All you need to do is strip off your personality and become a flesh-things that entertain men.
In this type of work, you will meet different types of people. The others will understand why you did and accept that job and they will still respect you in spite of everything, but most of them will give you full of judgment. You will be considered a dirty person and a scourge in society.
In this kind of work, you must know how to control yourself. But fate is so playful, no matter how many times you tell yourself that it's just a work and nothing personal, you will come and come to the point where you will feel the best feeling. And that is to love, but the most painful of it is you can feel that in the man who already owns by someone else. The worst of all is that you feel that with what they say in the wrong person and the wrong time.
And what if something develops in your womb when you two have sex repeatedly? What will you do? How will you face the consequences? How can you survive the war of love if just from the beginning, you already know that you are the loser? How can you love the person without even getting hurt If you always feel unworthy? How can you handle the most heavy responsibilities in your life?
They say that if it's already hurting you, you need stop. If you can't do it anymore, then give up. If you get tired of it, just take a break. If everything become difficult to handle, let it go. Because there are things you have to let go of when it's heavy. There are things that just hurt you at the point where you can't fights anymore. Things that need to be left to others when you know you can no longer call them yours.
Or... Did you really own it? It hurts to think. Even if it hurts, but you can't get rid of the fact that he doesn't love you. That you are not the one who make his heart beats fast. That you know the love you give him will never reciprocated. But that's okay, just cry. Take out all the pain until there are no more tears. Until you won't feel any more pain because you don't realize it that you'realready numb.
When you think of giving up, when you think that your life is meaningless, remember that there is always someone who looks up to you and depends on you. Even if life is difficult, be thankful especially that you have been blessed with a child who will develop your personality.
"Krista is back," I turned to Xander who suddenly spoke after a long silence.
"What's your plan?" I smiled bitterly at his question. What does he want to me to say? I know that my happy days with him are now over because the woman he will take to the altar is back.
"Going back to the province, my bank account is full so I'm thinking If I can start a small business." I tried to use his money on my bank account as a joke. I tried to steady my voice when I said those words so that he wouldn't notice the bitterness.
Even if I want to stay by his side, it's not possible anymore. We have an agreement and I will stick to that even though I don't want to be far away from him. I will stay away from him even though I still love him. Sometimes fate lends us someone who will be with us for a short time just to teach us a lesson. So that we can feel the happiness even if it's just a borrowed moment.
"Hmm...go back to your province, get married and have a happy life!" He said while looking at the sky this time. I swallowed one after the other. Trying not to show him that I'm hurt. Forcing myself that it's okay and that I can deal with the fact that our relationship is now over.
But how do I do that? How can I get married if the man I love is getting married to someone else? How can I be happy If he's the only reason of my happiness? I know that this day will come, that our relationship will come to an end when the woman he loves comes back. I thought I was ready. I thought I was ready to lose him forever but still not.
It's still pain me to accept that even if nothing has been started, it will end soon. Our paths are about to part ways and I can't even tell him my true feelings. I knew it was said that we shouldn't fall for each other, God know how I tried to stop myself from loving him but I failed because the longer our relationship went on, the more my heart fell for him.
I love him even more even though I know that he already loves someone else. I just love him more with every second I have. I just love him more and more even though I know that I will only be hurt in the end.
I looked at him when his cellphone suddenly rang, he held it up to show me and he barely walked away before answering the call. I was holding my chest and I could feel the extreme pain. I was hurt but I couldn't tell him because I was afraid of what he might say. I'm not hopping for anything in return because I know we don't feel the same way.
"I have to go, we're having our family dinner together with her family." he left in a hurry after saying those word. He left my apartment without looking back at me. I smiled bitterly and it hurt me to accept the truth. It's hard but I have to accept because this is all I feel. It hurts because I know that I'm only good in his bed. I know he's only keeping me for his sole desire to not be alone, he just needs a bedmate and a sexual partner.
He did not love me and he will never love me because his heart beats for only one woman. He dreamed of presenting only one woman at the altar and it wasn't me. I will never be that woman because all he need from me is the warmth of my body. He only sees me when he needs a bedmate. I'm just his property in bed and I can never have his heart.