GODDESS-KALAHARI

" Sir " I saluted .I am nervous , dissapointment already aware of what is to come , I failed miserably. The worst is yet to come .

He nodded .He couldn't even look into my eyes , he may not show it but deep down I know he is super disgusted by me .

I dropped my hand .He waved dismissively , normally he would look straight at me and I would gaze ahead but this time it was different .

" I am sending you back Goddess "

What ! No ! I know I messed up but going back to shame is just a slap on my face , cheek , heart dang I dont even know what to say or think.

" Sir ... but "

" That's final , I can't have you here after what happened. It's a miracle you even survived. Go home sergeant you have served the country well ." His voice stern .

What the hell !

I miss home ,I miss my husband but I love serving in the military. As he said it was indeed an honor to serve my country, I should have listened to my husband I wouldn't be in this situation.

" you are to leave upon immediate effect . In ten minutes the plane to The United States will be here board it ."

What happened was my fault. I know it was. I miscalculated everything and ...

" Yes sir " I saluted. I hate to leave but those were the orders I must obey .

I turned to leave , I will miss this base , the food the adventure the laughter , so many memories , the good , bad and ugly .

" Goddess , I hope you understand I am doing this for your sake. Go home and take some rest collateral damages happen ."

" thank you sir "

I am going back home damaged but am glad Damien is there for me .

I went back to my tent to pack up my few belongings .

Loading my garments inside my bag squeezing them all in to fit , they looked few but they were quite a lot regardless I will return home to burn them all. In a sad and lonely ceremony

I turned to the empty beds . I could still smell their scents , hear their laughter, their smile , their jokes about how a girl like me would choose a job like this .

" you definitely look like a stripper , the one in those fancy clubs in Atlanta, "

" or an instagram model , the type that makes athletes nut so hard"

I would laugh at the jokes, I am happy with what i do , Damien loves what I do , though he hates to see me leave . regardless he lets me be whatever the hell I want .

I could hear hearty laughter in my head .

Empty beds and I , thats all thats left of this place. They were not empty when I arrived here .

I took a deep breath and carried my bags loading the big bag on my back as I carried the rest .

The plane had already arrived .

Cargo being loaded as well as boxes , boxes I couldn't look at without feeling sick to my stomach looking at . The American flag covering them, all of them as we stood for a moment of silence , its such a shame it all had to end like this .

I marched into the plane and took a seat .

I will sleep my self through the entire flight that is if I can even try . I hadn't had any sleep for days. It's been a nightmare . On the bright side I have something to look forward to , my husband. His cozy body massage on my back , laughing with him and making love all night .

I slept through the entire flight as I hoped to filling my head with thoughts about home.

**************

I hoped into a cab , everything felt different, it's been long since I was home .

Driving through the streets of Atlanta . New buildings and streets .

He stopped infront of my car gate .

Helping offload the luggage from the trunk.

" welcome home my darling " he said with open arms ready to embrace me

I hugged him . Kissing him and holding him so tightly.

" my gorgeous soldier is back home, I missed you so much "

" I missed you too"

He took my luggage to our room.

"I am so exhausted "

" take a shower , then rest I will make dinner for you"

" thank you Damien"

" you are welcome" .

Feels so good to be home.

I had a refreshing hot shower and entered our bed , the cozy soft bed.

Sleep overpowered me in less than a minute .

I can control my dreams .... I can do it . Don't think about it Goddess dont even try . It's just collateral damage.

I dreamt of myself walking into a very posh exquisite mansion, clean , dreamy and unreal .

Walking my way up a stair case as I admired the chandelier .

I was in awe by the luxury home . Golden statues standing like guards.

" Baby , "

My eyes shot up.

" dinner is ready "

I yawned and looked around.

He helped me get up by sweeping me off my feet.

I giggled .

He let me down on the seat .

" mmh... smells delicious"

" I made Italian Pasta for you"

Serving the mouth watering meal on the plates .

We said the grace and dived into eating.

" how have you been " I asked.

" bored but holding on "

His phone buzzed , he turned it upside down with a frown on his face.

" did Alexis Castell get the Mayor position?"

" she lost , and went to contest for a recount in court"

" poor thing, she had high hopes seems the people didn't have the same feeling toward her"

" indeed . Are you going back to Aghanistan ? " he asked .

" from the tone of the commander I doubt it . I guess its the end for me in the military"

" am sorry about that "

Deep down I can tell he's happy that his dream of me leaving the military has finally come to life .

I had cleared up my plate . Hungry for something else .

" I will do the dishes in the morning. " he said .

" I can do them now to save you the stress of doing the dishes in the morning"

He seemed rather distracted .

" Damien " I called .

" uh yeah , sure .I have some work to do .I will be in the study"

" sure ."

He hurriedly left.

I loaded the dishes into the sink .

He cooked so well , his meals are presumptuous.

I don't know if I will ever be taken back . I understand why they had to send me back . Its for the best.

I poured the liquid soap on to the sponge and began to scrub the plates and wine glass rinsing them off .

I was done in less than five minutes and washed my hands .

I cleaned the sink ,made sure all the taps were shut and the oven was off before turning off the lights .

I went to the study hoping to tell Damien I was done with the dishes and he could join me in bed.

" No, you don't understand .It's not that easy . Everything has changed now, I fucked up badly I get it" he whispered.

I feel like this is a different Damien not the man I knew before I left to Afghanistan.

He noticed my presence and ended the call almost immediately

" Hey am done , are you coming to bed ?"

" uh yes , will be there in a few " .

I got changed into my lace nightdress .

Feels amazing to be home , right now I would be at the base thinking about how I would wake up .If at all I would wake up alive .

Any day would have been my last day ... especially that fateful moment .

I am lucky to have made it but that guilt will forever be with me that others like me didn't arrive in one piece .

Others like me ... my colleagues .It hurts .

" Goddess " he called .

" yes " I replied.

His phone rang again .

" I need to pick this, may I ? "

I nodded .

Still exhausted and drained I entered the bed drifting back to sleep