I felt the rush of the airflow through my coat.
The feeling of the wind bursting around me as I run through these familiar woods is the greatest in the world. I absolutely love it. Nothing beats the feeling when I'm allowed out for a run. I lived my life under the strict rules of my father. My father is a Delta diplomat and a member of the council. He believes in old customs and traditions and binds his children to follow them the same. And my mother was quite the opposite. She was the brightest sunshine of my life, but when I was thirteen years old she passed away and left me and my two siblings with my father.
I never had a great relationship with my father and he never wanted me because I was nothing more than a blemish on my family, I still am. I am the weakest wolf in the pack. A weak omega who feels like she doesn't deserve a little to no respect from my pack members. I was treated like less than dirt beneath my feet for my entire life, but for the first time in my life, I felt worthy, loved and cared for. When I found my saviour, a shining knight in the face of Azelaic, my mate. When I was with him, I felt lively, with him being by my side. I felt like I deserved everything in this world. I have a right to be happy and he gave everything rightfully. I was the happiest wolf on this planet. I was living like a fairytale.
A tear escaped from my eye, I take a painful gasp as I remembered him. But life is not a fairy tale. It's brighter and darker, longer and briefer, duller and more evil than magical. It's full of contradictions, but one thing it's not is neat. I was so caught up in this fairytale that I have never been able to see the reality. Azelaic left me alone all by myself to face this cruel reality.
My love for Azelaic was never dead, even if he left me alone without any trace. I had faith in him and I believed that he would return to me. I am just waiting for that day to come. He will pull me out of this miserable life.
Recently, my father has been very strict on me and never allows me to take a step out of the house. I knew the reason why? not because he wants to protect me, protecting me will be the last thing my father would do for me. All he cared about in his entire life was his respect and pride. And I am the only reason who put a dent in his dignity by breaking the rules of our pack.
No one left a choice for us but to do this, but father doesn't see that all he sees is wrong and I did wrong, but who pushed me to do that he never acknowledged it. And my father blamed everything on me.
I usually abide and try to stay home to please father but today was different; I had to leave the house. I couldn't stand the tension at home after what he said.
As I was running to the lake, I felt like the Moon calling me. The tugging was rare, but I knew she was trying to tell me something. And almost as if she was hesitating, the tugging feeling disappeared. I shifted back to my human form and sat by the lake. Yes, I'm naked, but no one's around and like l or anyone else would care. Being naked is normal. A normal thing after shifting
Therefore, being entirely meaningless to be
shameful. As I sat there, looking into the water of the lake, I thought about what my father told me. I can't believe such a thought crossed his mind. Let alone his reasoning as to why. Even if I had decided to speak against his words or protest his statement, there'd be nothing I could ever do to change his mind. What he says is the rule-that's how it is and how it always will be. So I'l just sit here and think.
After what felt like forever, I finally ran.
towards the shed at the edge of the lake and put on a shirt and jeans before
Walking home. I've finally come to terms with my father's decision.
I walked back inside my home, the home at the edge of our town centre, just two miles east of the barracks. Not even two seconds inside and my father, angry that I ran out of the house without his permission, walks up to me and smacks me right on my left cheek with the back of his hand, demanding where I had been. I told him the truth, of course, but he was still angry. He began to explain to me my responsibilities and how I needed to learn to respect him. And I need to obey him.
I could feel the hatred radiating out of his eyes towards me.
" I-I… I apologize…father." I murmured some words out of my mouth which caused father to get even more angry.
" SHUT UP! YOU MUTT! YOUR APOLOGY DOESN'T FIX ANYTHING." He yelled at me.
I opened my mouth to speak but hesitated.
and say nothing.
" I am sending you to Fiona. She knows how to teach a mannerless wolf like you to be useful." my father growls.
My seething resentment reaches its breaking point. I clutched my hand in my fist. And my nostrils flared in heat.
" Father, you can't get rid of me like that. I am not going there." I made a bold remark. And it was the first time I got the courage to speak against my father. I am just exhausted to my core from this abuse and it emotionally drains me out day by day. I looked up as he reached a hand down to grab my arm. I squeezed my eyes shut, waiting to feel his fingers clamp around my forearm. He struck a hard slap on my face, leaving me numb.
" DON'T YOU DARE TO DISOBEY ME.YOU FILTHY BITCH! HOW DARE YOU RAISE YOUR VOICE? I CAN'T BEAR YOUR FACE ANY LONGER. I AM CALLING FIONA TO GET YOU BEFORE THE SUNRISE!" He barked.
My eyes became teary without saying anything further. I turned and walked into my room. I just kept on crying. For Azelaic. For my mom, For my siblings. For myself. For not feeling good enough. For not feeling enough. For not doing what I wanted to do despite all the noise and the eye rolls and all the things I'd had to give up along the way. Hot tears streamed down my face, and I squeezed my eyelids shut in the hope my tears would stop. My choppy breathing and watery eyes remained for quite some time, and I lay in bed unmoving.
Knock…knock…knock.