My name is Saintilia. But everyone called me TiTi. Who could have predicted, this day would come, where I would be confined to my bed, because of a complicated pregnancy? I am seven months along. And carrying the child to this point, was a miracle in itself. This was not my first pregnancy, and my body was very fragile. And in order for the baby to make it to term, I needed to stay in bed, for the remaining times.
Becoming a mother wasn't easy for me. It has been a long journey but I am happy now. I went through many years of hardship, disappointment, deceit, lies, and heartbreak. It took a lot of strength, and willingness to survive, yet a lot of courage to endure the physical, and mental anguish. I learned that I was capable of compartmentalizing and had the ability to adapt to diverse situations. I hated disappointment. but in my heart, I believed a lifetime of happiness was ahead of me.
Sitting on the bench in front of the mirror, admiring the features of my reflection staring back at me. My mind was filled with anticipation, and I was looking forward to what the future held for me. Since childhood, I've been told, over and over, how pretty I was. But as a child I did not understand what it meant to be pretty.
And at that moment, looking intensely in the mirror, inspecting the silhouette of my face; I understood why having a face like mine was considered pretty. Seeing my features; made me think of her, and wondered what exactly happened to Paulette. I didn't know the feeling of having a mother growing up. I really wished I knew more About her not remember much about her
My Father Jonas used to say; "They're just jealous. Because My baby girl is the prettiest in the entire village."
Thinking back of what he said, made me realize perhaps, those words were embedded deep in me, and had given me the confidence I needed to survive the circumstances of life.
"You look just like your mother."
Was the saying; among the elders in my village. Also Jonas, and everyone else who knew Paulette. We were both tall, slim, curvy, and busty. And only my skin was a lot darker than hers. I was told that we shared the same face. There was no question that I was her daughter, I only wished she had lived long enough for me to have known her. In retrospect, no one really talked about how Paulette died. It almost seemed like a secret that no one dared talk about. I was too young to inquire about her; And Jonas felt that I was too young at the time to understand. Of course he himself passed before he could tell me anything.
I could not reminisce on the years past simply because of all the hardship I had to endure. Then, as a child, I was picked on a lot because of my hair which was long and often braided, and also kept in a bun that was easier to manage. At least, that's what I thought was the reason; since my hair always ended up at the hand of someone's fingers being pulled, while cursing me for no reason.
I remembered one incident, where I was sitting in front of a classmate during a school dance. Jonas had asked our neighbor Adeline to fix my hair. So there was absolutely no reason for my hair to annoy anyone. My classmate Ellie and I were friends, I thought. But out of nowhere, she began pulling on my hair, and called on the others to join in. Ever since, making friends has not been easy. I kept myself distant and alone for years.
I was also teased as much, for my straight nose, bright eyes, and long lashes. I did not look like the other kids in the neighborhood, therefore I became the target of kids as well as adults. My young life had become unbearable so Jonas decided to ask Celia to be my teacher in her spare time so that I didn't have to be around the other kids.
And when Jonas passed away unexpectedly, I then became aware how lonely I was. Because I had kept myself friendless for so long, I decided there was nothing wrong with going through life without friends. I was often reminded that my courage was like a kite that raised higher with the wind; Whatever that meant.
I had many unpleasant experiences in my 30 years of living. Always, wanted to fall in love, but I didn't know what it was until I met Stephen. The type of man I didn't know existed till I turned eighteen years old. He later became my husband, and of course marrying him was something I decided for myself the minute I laid eyes on him. However, my past experiences told me that love was complicated, and messy. And according to my aunt Tina, it was a complete waste of time. Perhaps, she could be right but I had no way of knowing what the future held.
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I moved to the seat by the window, I was restless and wanted to move around a little. And for no particular reason I kept thinking of my past and wondered what became of Rose. It was late in the afternoon. The silence was oppressive, and my thoughts were heavy and despondent. I have been thinking about Rose a lot lately. It took me a long time to forgive her, but my life without her, could not have been what it was now.
I turned my head when I heard the door open. It was my husband walking towards me.
"Are you comfortable?" He asked,
I shook my head 'yes' indicating I was comfortable. I was wearing a white shirt with matching shorts; big enough to fit my seven months belly. Our eyes met, I was too much in a daze to acknowledge his smile.
“Sweetheart what's wrong?” He asked.
“Nothing. I am okay." I responded almost in a whisper..
"You say nothing but you look sad." He said, standing much closer. "Don’t worry, I promise we'll find her.”
At that point, I had already turned my attention back to the window; as if observing something special outside. I could only see the flowers under the dim light shining through the garden. I never thought I could love anyone as much as I loved him. How could I have been so lucky to even be alive. The feeling of Loving someone without restraint, and having the freedom to express myself was unimaginable to me. Stephen often said; that I was a Nubian Goddess and was specifically made for him. Perhaps, that was his way of telling me how pretty I was. Loving him was very easy. He was a simple man who enjoyed life, and took nothing for granted.
He was standing behind me and wrapped his arms around my belly. He then kissed the back of my neck sending shivers through my body. It's been a while since we had intimacy. I felt very warm in his embrace. But I could not be over-stimulated. I wanted him so desperately but it was not safe for the baby.
The man could always tell what I was thinking. Almost as if he could read my mind. I turned to face him with a smile, expressing how grateful I was.
With my long fingers, I rummage through his blonde hair, clearing away the strands blocking his eye. As we looked into each other's eyes, I felt a sense of security that I never felt before. His soft hands cupping my face made me feel wanted. When he whispered how beautiful I was. I couldn't control myself, so I kissed him.
Deep within me I knew this man loved me and would do anything for me.
He responded passionately with his warm tongue inside my mouth. We Kissed so hard and yet tender; and at that moment, only the two of us existed. I could feel his body tense when he hugged me. We stood there kissing for what seemed an eternity.
"I love you so much." He whispered when I touched him. He was aroused. We kissed again with much more intensity this time. I moved my hand slowly inside his pajama pants. I could feel his body trembling; He wanted me desperately, but he was considerate. Slowly, my hand reached his man berries and I gave them a little squeeze.
"Hmm woman, what are you doing to me?" He managed between kisses.
It was not a question that required an answer. I had him completely under my control. My fingers continued chasing his berries, and the more I played with them, the harder he kissed me. I was filled with enough excitement to be satisfied. My hand left his berries, and took control of his stick. With the other hand I pulled the strings of his pants to loosen them till they fell to the ground. Then I brought my hand to the back of his neck and softly caressed him.
We kept on kissing till we both lost our senses. I felt intoxicated holding his stiff, while my body was screaming for a taste but it was too risky. knowing the fact that I wanted him so bad, and couldn't have him excited me even more. For what seemed a while, my hand was moving vigorously making him even harder. I could tell he was close because of the intensity of his tongue inside my mouth. Then shortly after, he let out a trembling sound; he had reached his apex.
"No fair," he said, as he rested his head on my shoulder.
"Did you enjoy that?" I asked. He smiled, and pecked my neck.
"I love you" he said, kissing me.
A while later, after dinner. I managed to convince him to join me in the shower. At first he protested, because he didn't want to spend that long in the shower when he could be doing something more productive. Of course he never said no to me no matter what.
The water was hot and we stayed there together for a long time. Taking a long hot shower was my enjoyment since I've been confined to my bed. We stayed there for a long time. We washed each other's body and talked for a long time.
In the days to follow, he made sure that he took time to accompany me in the shower. And for the first time, I could tell that Stephen eventually began to enjoy himself, so long I was in there with him. After the shower, It was still early so we sat in the lounge area in our bedroom. I had some tea made for us. We each grabbed a book and sat across each other, sipping our tea. I was mesmerized by how good looking my husband was.
Our eyes met, looking slightly above the rims of the fancy white cups that we held between our lips. He seemed anxious; I couldn't tell what he was thinking about. Perhaps, he was scared that something could happen to me and the baby during birth. I tried my best to reassure him that his wife, and baby were going to be just fine. With those bright blue eyes Staring back at me, I gave him a wink , and that seemed to ease the anxious look on his face.