“Stop, Stop”, I pleaded with Brian as he raised his fist to my cowering body.
“Say it again!”, he roared,
I trembled with fear as I shook my head.
“I’m sorry, I won’t suggest it again!”, I shouted.
A moment of silence meant that I could breathe a sigh of relief
“I will never Marry you, I will NEVER LOVE YOU”, he snapped.
Normally such a cold quiet reserved individual that I did not expect him to lose it when I suggested that he reject me and leave me to live my life.
I nodded
“I understand that now”, I said, sniffing back my tears.
“The moon goddess really played a trick on us when she mated us together!”He hissed.
I knew that we could not be mates, that somehow we must have got it wrong but that was six months ago and yet I crouched in fear on his bedroom floor for suggesting the obvious solution. His words still sliced through me, and hurt from the bitterness that the words were laced with.
For six months he had satisfied his needs with me and casted me away afterwards without a thought. I had lost myself, my life and I was destined to live in this misery.
My parents had died when I was 15 years old in a house fire, I had looked after myself for the past 3 years and this was my reward. I was mated with this beast, with the coldest, callous man that was not any kind of ordinary man but the Alpha of this pack.
He hated me so much because my wolf had never appeared, I was an outcast within the pack, not understood by anyone. The older pack members had said that the house fire must be the cause of why I hadn’t shifted but as time passed I had accepted that I just didn’t have a wolf.
I was happy that I wasn’t constrained by the chains and expectations that came from being a wolf. I was excused from most pack activities apart from self defence. It was necessary that I trained daily with everyone else and I hadn’t minded it so much when we would train in human form but when they all shifted and I had made my way to the edge to observe I was pulled into the ring again and told to fight. It meant that my physique was fit and toned but I was also a slow healer and the scars I carried were from that of training with the wolves that hadn’t been light on me in my human form.
I had made a good group of friends there and they would help heal me as much as they could but sometimes I laid on that field staring into the sky willing for my last breath to come so I didn't have to stand up again and take another beating.
You could imagine my surprise when I actually had a mate, I thought I would be free from that too.
It was a stormy night and the first full moon after my 18th birthday, my body had tingled and this intoxicating smell had pulled me in the direction of the packhouse. He must have felt it too as he was outside sniffing in the air, eyes were wild and his handsomeness was illuminated by the moonlight as a beacon calling me to him.
I felt the butterflies in the pit of my stomach as I walked up to him, mesmerised by his scent that when he came in to focus in the moonlit sky I had gasped in horror to see it was Alpha Brian.
He too spat in disgust at the sight of me yet as I compelled myself to turn and walk away from him he suddenly grabbed my arm and pulled me into him. I remember trembling then in his embrace shaking with fear and excitement twisted inside as he sniffed my hair and his body betrayed him purring at the touch of me.
“You can’t tell anyone”, He had snapped that night
He pulled my chin to tilt my head towards him, locking eyes with him and he kissed me as the heavens opened and the rain started to pour. The thunder clapped loudly around us and my head swam in the kiss he had landed on my lips. I felt as if the world spun in that moment and only he and I existed lifting me up from the ground.
He couldn’t help himself, he wanted to taste me, he wanted more of me and he hated himself for it.
He lifted me up and carried me in the packhouse and he took me there and then on the foyer ground inside the packhouse.
I hadn’t stopped him because I was intoxicated with him also. That night our bodies betrayed our thoughts and they acted as if they were both inseparable, twisting in unison at that moment.
I could not explain the thrill I felt, the numbness afterwards when he said
“Fuck”, and then rearranged my clothes as if he had never been there.
“GET OUT”, he commanded and I scrambled to my feet unsure of how I felt as I fled from the packhouse.
That was 6 months ago and I still remember each detail and when I close my eyes I still remember the kiss he had laid once on my lips but never again.
I had gone on with my life as if it hadn't happened pushing it deep down in the darkness so I would only forget and never speak of what had happened.
He couldn’t keep his distance though, he would turn up late in the night to my home every other night and take what he felt was his, no words, no intimacy, just raw animal lust . I would hear his groan and feel his body shudder into mine and then he would replace my clothes as if he hadn’t touched me and get up and leave my house.
Tonight I had taken my opportunity to ask for my freedom but I had seen ever so quickly the anger flash in his eyes at my suggestion.
The shiver of fear had raced up my spine and I knelt instantly afraid of what he would do. He paced continuously around me and I lowered myself to the ground curling up into a ball waiting for the impact that I had believed was coming. My reaction was instant fear of this mighty powerful man, “I’m sorry Alpha”, I sobbed.