I turn around to see the time on my bedside table; it's three o'clock in the morning and I'm wide awake.

I yawn and stare at the ceiling for a moment, realising that tonight’s going to be one of those sleepless nights again.

I feel tired, and every muscle in my body’s aching badly. I’d like to wake up rested for a change, but it's been three long weeks since I’ve been able to get a de-cent night’s sleep. I’ve been waiting for the moment when I finally hit the wall, but my magical energy keeps carrying me through the day.

Moments later I sit up, trying to make sense of this new me. My stomach feels like someone’s dropped a tonne of bricks inside of it, then filled it up with ce-ment. Day by day, I wake up and then go to sleep filled with guilt and regret. Nothing ever changes.

My poor Jetli’s still in critical condition in the hospital wing. I have no idea if she’ll survive Ruscal's vicious attack or not. Derek keeps telling me to prepare myself for the worst, but just I can't let her go. This doesn't feel right; it's not her time yet.

I get up a few minutes later, hoping not to make any noise, because of Lenin. The Pixie, can sleep through an earthquake, snoring loudly, as usual, and in a way I'm annoyed that he’s not up flying around, worrying more about his sister.

I know that I shouldn’t be irritated by the fact that Lenin’s sleeping through the night without any problems. This ins't the way he deals with his anger and grief. He spends most of his time in Jetli's bed. He talks to her about his day, still making jokes and telling her off, as if there’s nothing wrong with her.

I sigh loudly and switch on the lamp at my desk that Thayer brought in from his office the other day and try to focus my attention on reading. It's a new fanta-sy novel that I picked up from the library a few days ago. This is how I spend most of my nights these days, reading until I drop off, then wake up a few hours later with a stiff neck. Eventually, I close my eyes and drift away, dreaming about Jorgen.

***

"Astri, you’ve done it again. This is like the tenth time this month," Lenin mumbles in my ear, waking me up later on. "Ask Derek for some medicine. May-be you're ill, this isn't normal."

I stretch my arms and neck, feeling even more tried than before. My whole body hurts and I'm starving.

"What time it is?” I ask, wondering how much longer this will continue to go on. I need to train today, even if my body refuses to do any exercise, otherwise my hormones might get out of control; my unsteady emotions are already caus-ing havoc in my system. I just don't need this hassle right now. Being a dragon shifter in heat season is tough, but I'm not quite there yet. Alex mentioned that I still have a few weeks left.

"There’s nothing that I can do, my brain just won’t shut down,” I say to Lenin and quickly vanish into the bathroom before he starts giving me all of his Pixie advice, telling me what to do in order to get a good night’s sleep. I’ve heard it all before, and Lenin doesn't realise that I’m partly human, so none of his advice will ever work.

I take a quick shower, helping to bring my body temperature down. Regard-less of what I do, I still feel exhausted.

A few weeks ago, Jorgen’s twin brother, Ruscal, tried to kill me. He took the identity of Falcon, a guard from Leahori, who travelled to Rivenna with Lady Cassandra. She and Duke Jorgen were engaged, and they were supposed to get married, but now the wedding has been called off.

It turned out that Ruscal was the one who tried to kill me eleven years ago. He murdered my parents and then caught up with me in some dark chamber. Unfor-tunately, my own magic turned against me in a blow-back spell and I nearly died that night. At the time, Ruscal thought that he finished the job, killing the last Wyvern, and I’ve spent the past eleven years being treated like a maid by my on-ly living relatives; Richard and Beatrice.

Then several months ago, I saw Ruscal in a vision, and since then I wanted nothing more than to exact my revenge. I took part in a contest to become the Duke’s assistant, still convinced that Ruscal was Jorgen, as the two of them look very much alike; nearly identical. Word about the contest spread throughout the entire Eastern World, and Ruscal learned that I was actually alive.

He hired two other shifters to kidnap me, but their plan backfired. I managed to escape, and went back to the castle, straight into Ruscal's hands. I had no idea that Ruscal was still in the castle, or that he had captured my beloved Pixies. I adopted Lenin and Jetli a few years ago, after I found them all alone in the forest. Ruscal spent a lot of time in the castle watching and learning about me, realising how much my Pixies meant to me. I was ready to sacrifice myself in order to save them.

The entire time I was participating in the magical contest, I was convinced that Jorgen was the mage from my vision. During the final task, Jorgen allowed him-self to be captured by a bunch of wild shifters living in the Decaying Mountains. All of the contestants believed that they were supposed to rescue a guard who was being held in the mountains, but it turned out to be Jorgen after all. Con-vinced and driven by revenge, I ended up making the biggest mistake of my life. I stood by in the trees and watched while the Duke of Rivenna’s dragon was ripped away from him. The leader of the wild shifters, Bratlav, performed the cutting of the mage ritual, ultimately stripping Jorgen of his magic, along with his dragon, basically making him nothing more than a human. Bratlav believed that he was the true ruler of Rivenna even before the mages took over the city.

At the end of the night, Emilia, my ex-boss and long-term friend, saved my life and managed to disable Ruscal, who ended up shifting into his dragon form and escaped through the roof of the castle, damaging the main wing and severely in-juring Jetli. Everyone in Rivenna has been in shock since this happened, and I’ve been trying to find a way to heal Jetli, so far without any luck.

Over the period of time that I’ve been staying in the castle, I’ve started devel-oping feelings for Jorgen. I hated him since the moment I saw him in my vision, but then things began changing. More doubts were filling my head as things didn’t add up. The Duke was always kind, and treated me well, and I kept telling myself that it was only because he was planning to kill me in the end.

We shared a very special and steamy moment together during the dragon fes-tival straight after I saved him. Falcon challenged him in sword fight and then he shifted. People wanted to see Jorgen in his true form, fighting with Falcon but no one knew that he wasn't a mage anymore–that he had lost his dragon. I stepped up and fought with Falcon instead, before anyone could stop me. Then straight after, I turned back into my human form. Jorgen dragged me into a tent and con-fessed that he had been fighting with his own feelings for me since I became his assistant and we shared the most amazing kiss that I had ever experienced in my life.

Since that moment at the festival, nothing else has happened between us. I’ve been avoiding Jorgen, spending time with Jetli and Lenin, trying hard to figure out what I want. Jorgen's chamber is right next to mine, so this whole avoiding thing hasn't been easy. I just can’t bring myself to deal with my feelings, especial-ly with heat season looming over me.

These days, I just don't know what to do with myself. I'm certain that Jorgen would’ve changed his mind as soon as he knew that I could’ve saved him that night in the Decaying Mountains. He’d hate me and send me away.

I'm still his assistant, and he should be teaching me magic, training me, but we’ve both been avoiding each other it seems.