I am not an orphan, but I have been without parents since my childhood...

My mother, at a tender age, was violated. The word spread quickly across the village, branding her with the reputation of a "fallen woman". No one was willing to marry her. Embracing her ruined life, she moved in with the man who raped her, and he is my father!

The year I was born was in the height of the One-Child Policy, and because I was not a boy, my parents discarded me without hesitation. It was my grandmother who pulled me out of the garbage heap.

However, from the moment I returned, I was only allowed to refer to my parents as 'uncle' and 'aunt'.

My 'uncle' had a gambling addiction. Every time he lost, he would drink, and brutally manhandle my 'aunt' late into the night, sending echoes of my aunt's stifled cries throughout the cabin. As he frequently lost, I often heard my aunt's cries.

The 'uncle' was an outsider, he never once mentioned taking my mother back to his hometown. After losing all, he would ransack the house for money. If he didn't find any, he would beat up my 'aunt', and me. I still bear many scars from those beatings.

Luckily, I have my grandmother who always loves and pampers me. Every time my 'uncle' attacked me, it was my grandmother who would risk her life to rescue me. I would have been beaten to death if it weren't for her.

However, my grandmother, the only one in this world who pampers and loves me, is also about to leave me…

During the busy farming period, I took a few days off from school to help my grandmother harvest wheat. She has planted three acres of wheat fields to support my studies, but my 'aunt' has never helped, and my 'uncle' was unreliable. Despite farming equipment being common, hiring a harvesting machine would cost 200 yuan, which my grandmother was reluctant to spend…

Bearing the scorching sun, my grandmother and I spent three full days to complete the harvest. During those days, my grandmother's complexion was very poor. I asked her several times about it, and she would always brush it off, insisting that she was just hot and needed to drink more water…

The harvested wheat must be spread out on the concrete to dry before they can be sold.

On the first day of sun-drying the wheat, my grandmother became severely unwell with sweat dripping from her forehead, her face pale, and clutching her abdomen tightly. I quickly helped her to the room to rest. However, as she tried to stand up, she fell onto me…

I was overwhelmed with fear, I scooped my grandmother up and ran to the hospital.

After the doctor asked about her condition and carried out a basic checkup, he took me aside to tell me that there was something in her stomach. Whether it was benign or malignant, we would need to go to a larger hospital for further tests…

I felt like the sky was falling, and tears uncontrollably streamed down my face… The following morning, I took my grandmother for further examinations in the city hospital. The diagnosis was stomach cancer and it was already in the intermediate stage.

"The best course of action is surgery. With good recovery, the survival rate for more than five years is very high," the doctor looked at my grandmother and me, and straightforwardly told me, "You need to prepare hundreds of thousands of yuan upfront. The earlier you check into the hospital, the earlier you can recover. If you delay this disease for too long, surgery won't be useful."

Hundreds of thousands of yuan! That's an astronomical number for us. My college education relied entirely on student loans, and my family has long been impoverished. We simply can't afford it.

Grandmother adamantly refused to be hospitalized. When we left, my eyes were red from crying, and she sighed, "At my age, if I'm going to die, I'm going to die. Don't waste money. Xixi, I can't bear leaving you behind, what will you do if I'm gone?"

As she spoke, she turned around to wipe her tears, perspiration dripping down her forehead.

The thought that I could lose my grandmother, my rock, made me feel as if my world was collapsing.

But when we got home, we found out that the wheat at the front door was missing. After questioning my aunty, we learned that her husband had lost all the money in gambling and sold the wheat at a discounted price!

"Aunty, grandma has cancer. That money was meant to save her life. Can you give it back to me?" I knelt in front of her for the first time, hugging her, shaking with urgency. Tears and snot streamed down my face.

"He took it to gamble, what can I do?"

I don't remember what she said afterwards. Even though my vision was blurred from tears, I ran as fast as I could to the place where my uncle usually gambles. I was choking so much that I couldn't speak, and I knelt in front of him, kowtowing time and again.

He felt humiliated and kicked me away, "Get lost!"

"Uncle, grandmother has cancer. Can you lend me some money to save her? After I graduate, I will work and pay you back. I beg you."

My uncle slammed his cards on the table, shouting: "I'm not playing anymore! Your wailing made me lose! I don't have a single penny, lend you what? I still need to borrow money!"

I was desperate. Maybe it's because our family was too poor, we have had hardly any contact with relatives since my childhood.

At that point, I had no dignity left, going from door to door, begging for money.

But as the saying goes, people might give aid in a crisis but not to the poor. Though we urgently needed money for grandmother’s treatment, we were simply too poor so that after all my begging, what I collected was only a handful of change, less than a thousand yuan in total…

When I sought help from neighbor Aunt Tian Hua's house, she lamented, repeatedly saying how pitiable my grandmother was.

"I beg of you," I kneeled right down in front of her, "Aunt, please lend me some money. The doctor said there's still hope if my grandmother has surgery soon!"

Aunt Tian Hua is a kind person. She rummaged through her things and handed me 1,000 yuan. Overwhelmed with gratitude, I kneeled on the ground, bowing my head again and again.

As she witnessed my desperation, Aunt Tian Hua's eyes reddened as well. She looked at me, several times as if wanting to say something, but she bit her lip, contemplating. Finally, she said to me, "Child, the thing is...there is actually a way...but it would be...so unfair to you."

"No, I don’t mind, please tell me. I would do whatever it takes to save my grandmother..." I clung on to Aunt Tian's leg, weeping uncontrollably.

What Aunt Tian suggested was surrogacy. She told me that she had undergone surrogacy once for a wealthy couple and had earned a significant sum of money by giving birth to a boy. We thought she was simply working out-of-town that year. However, she hesitated. She thought I shouldn't be doing this at my prime youth as it would impact my future marriage prospects.

But that did not deter me. I promptly bowed my head in her direction, only stopping my desperate plea when she reluctantly agreed, "Don't blame me for this in the future, Xi Xi."

In the following days, I kept this secret from my grandmother and hastily completed the procedure to quit school. With Aunt Tian's introduction, I met Liu Jie, who had connected her with the client previously.

Quickly enough, Liu Jie found me a "client" — a woman who looked like she was still in her twenties.

When we met, she was smoking. She was so beautiful. I was stunned for a moment because she looked like a fairy.

After about two minutes, she finally finished her cigarette and said, "Liu Jie, is this the one you have found for me?"

Liu Jie nodded repeatedly, paying her respects, mentioning how clean and healthy I was, and even pointed out my virginity.

The young woman looked at me with an expressionless face, as if she was evaluating an item she did not particularly like.

I felt humiliated and clutched my palm tightly, not daring to look up.

"Alright, we will settle on her. Make sure she knows the rules."

After hearing this, Sister Liu heaved a sigh of relief. When she was about to leave, she secretly gestured five fingers towards me. I was left stunned because it meant I could get 500,000 yuan!

The young woman was named Zhao Yaru. She personally took me to a private hospital for a repeat medical check. After successfully passing all the examinations, instead of preparing me for IVF surgery, she paused.

I was anxious, so after waiting for two days without any progress, I couldn't hold back my curiosity and asked Zhao Yaru when the surgery could take place. To my surprise, she glanced at me weirdly, "What surgery? I require the service of surrogacy through cohabitation".

Surrogacy through cohabitation?

Suddenly, I felt deceived and stupidly stood there, wanting to say something but not daring to utter a word.

Observing my reaction, she got angered. Frowning, she lit up a cigarette, took a couple of intense drags, and irked impatiently, "If you are not willing, then leave and don't waste my time".

I was trembling and felt a sour lump in my throat,​ not daring to refuse straight away.

What right did I have to say "No"? My grandmother,​ who looked feeble and skeletal, still had to endure daily farm work despite suffering from cancer. How could I ignore her needs?

With a trembling heart, I nodded and inquired, "Sister Yaru, could I make a request?"

She extinguished the cigarette and glanced over at me, her tone softened, "Go on."

"Once I get pregnant, could you give me a little more as a down payment?" At that time, even a thousand yuan was a big sum for me. I was too afraid to ask for 10,000 yuan upfront, thinking she might find me greedy.

Sister Liu did not dare to mention my grandmother's cancer to her, but Zhao Yaru knew my family was in a bad situation and promised to give me 50,000 yuan once I got pregnant.

50,000 yuan was a substantial amount for me, and could not hold back my tears.

Seeing me shed my tears, Zhao Yaru's heart seemed to soften even more. "I'll take you home tomorrow, but you must promise me not to harbor any illicit intentions towards my husband, not to retract your agreement or leak out that this is a surrogacy agreement," she said.

With that, I nodded again and again, only wishing to get pregnant as soon as possible and receive the money.

The next day, she took me back to her home, a large villa. I was awkward and didn't dare to touch anything, worried I would break something I couldn't afford to replace.

She said my clothes were too shabby and personally selected two outfits for me. "I haven't really worn these after buying. If you don't mind, they're yours now. You should throw away what you're wearing, It's too old."

I couldn't help but hold onto the corner of my clothes tightly, looking down and murmuring a soft "Okay..."

After taking my bath in the evening, Zhao Yaru handed me a set of sleepwear with little fabric, which made me feel as if I wasn't wearing anything.

The bedroom lamp cast an intimate, orange glow. She mentioned her husband being a man of few words, and after he finishes with me, I was to sleep in the guest room.

Lying stiffly on the unfamiliar bed, trembling, I heard the sound of approaching footsteps outside the door, instinctively I tightened my grip on the blanket, pretending to be asleep.

The door opened with a "click." I smelled a faint fragrance. The footsteps stopped by the bed, I was so nervous I forgot to breathe, gripping the blanket tightly without letting go.

I was shaking all over, but remembering what I had promised Zhao Yaru, I quickly opened my eyes.

A tall man, dressed in a suit, was looking down at me.

He was backlit, so I couldn't see his face clearly at first.

He had his hands in his pockets, his expression was cold. After a long pause, he finally spoke to me: "What's your name? How old are you?"

He took out a cigarette, glanced at me, but didn't light it.

Gripping the blanket nervously, I sat up, my voice as small as a mosquito: "My name is Shen Xi, I'm twenty this year."

He frowned and sat down, giving a surprised "huh". The heat radiating from him immediately hit my face, making my cheeks heat up instantly.

"So young?" His voice was soft, difficult to decipher his mood.

Before arriving, Sister Liu had warned me that I was a little young, naive to many things, and she feared that Mr. and Mrs. Zhao may disagree.

Hearing Mr. Zhao's words, my heart leaped into my throat. “Sir, I'm not too young. I, I can do it. I'm very healthy, Sister YaRu accompanied me for a check-up... ”

Nervously, I waited for his response. Several seconds passed before I dared to sneak a glance at him. Our eyes met, startling me, and I quickly lowered my head again. Unable to resist, I added, “Sir, I'm an adult, really I can.”

“My surname is Zhuang,” his voice remained cold, making me anxious. “You still have time to regret it.”

“No, I do not regret it.” In my urgency, I abruptly grabbed his arm. The contact was so hot that it made me quickly retract my hand.

I needed this opportunity, my grandmother's illness couldn't wait, I couldn't hesitate.

But why were my body shaking so fiercely? My heart seemed to be pumping against my throat, my eyes stinging badly, I desperately wanted to rub them.

He suddenly reached out and wiped my eyes, his fingers were long and warm, slowly sliding down my cheek...

After waiting for a good while without him making the next move, I nervously opened my eyes and found that Mr. Zhuang had rolled over and sat on the edge of the bed. My mind went blank, turning over unconsciously. By the time I looked back, he was already on the balcony smoking a cigarette.

Staring at his back, the longer the silence lasted, the more I feared he would change his mind.

When he finally came back in after finishing his cigarette, I shivered violently.

A hint of turmoil stirred in his cold eyes. Gently, he whispered in my ear, “Don’t be nervous.”

The process was excruciating, similar to when my grandmother took me up the mountain to pick mushrooms as a child. There was no path, only thorny bushes which I had to cut through with a sickle as we walked.

A heart-wrenching pain spread through my chest, making me tear up.

He paused noticeably, his gaze on me slightly complex. When I finally adjusted to the pain, he suddenly cradled my face and kissed away my tears.

Things had gone this far, there was no room for regret. As my tears flowed more profusely, my emotions became increasingly mixed. Whether I was experiencing sorrow or shame for myself, I didn’t know.