I looked around Randall’s office as I wait for him. This is the first time I came in here. For all those times we’ve been together, he never brought me here. He’s still on a meeting. Randall is my fiancé. We were introduced by our parents to each other. We’ve known each other for almost three years now and now we have been dated for a couple of months.

Because of the pressure from the expectations of our parents, he proposed to me. Just like that, we got engaged. I know he proposed because he’s pressured. Our parents just want us to be together. They said that if we love each other, there's no point for a long cut. We should get married in the soonest way possible.

Randall never made me feel unwanted, he never did things that will hurt me. He always say he loves me and I believe him. But I don’t think he loves me more than her. Yes, her. The epic love he had before me.

I wasn’t supposed to find out about her. I wished I hadn’t known her. Lorraine Bueno was Randall’s first love. She died three years ago from a car accident.  She is the reason why Randall was cold and snobbish when I first met him. He was broken. And for the last three years, I’ve tried mending him. I tried to make him forget her.

He said he’s okay. That he has moved on. That is a bullshit I know. He hasn’t moved on.

As I was scanning his office, I saw a picture in his bookshelves that sent my heart pain.

It’s a portrait of Lorraine, smiling beautifully. I stared at the picture and just stood there. Tears pooled my eyes.

“She’s beautiful.” I whispered.

This must be the reason why he never brought me here.

I was about to grab the picture when the door opened and showed Randall’s shocked face. I immediately wiped my tears. I looked down and mover away from the shelves.

“Sophie, what are you doing here?” He asked as he walk towards me.

He gave me a kiss on the cheeks and I saw his eyes looked on the portrait.

“Your mom said I should just come here so we can go to the shop together.” I said and smiled bitterly.

He nodded.

“Okay, I’ll just grab my things so we can go.” He said and went to his table and grabbed his things.

“You should have called me.” He added.

“I was going to, but your mom mentioned that you’re in a meeting.” I said.

He got his things and held my hand.

“Let’s go.” He said and we went out.

We are going to try the clothes for our wedding. Our designer contacted me last night that the gowns and suits and ready. We’ll just try them today in case it needs adjustments. We’ve been preparing for the wedding for already two months now. It’s now the twenty-eight of September and our wedding is the fourteenth of next month. Two more weeks and we’re married.

It just scares me what will happen to us. Yes, I want to marry Randall. Does he really want to marry me? Can I deal with the fact that my future husband have another women in his mind?

“She’s beautiful.” I muttered out of nowhere.

He looked at me and he just sighed.

“Sophie.” and I know what he means.

“Nevermind, you don’t have to tell me about her.” I sighed and shut my mouth up.

 He just breathe heavily and didn’t say anything. We were silent the whole drive. I never dared to talk. How can I do this? How did I end up here? Being in love to a man who still longs for his dead love. How did I last this long?

I just realized all of these things because of the wedding, and the portrait. Marriage is different from dating. It just made me think of what I‘m supposed to do. I never cared about her back then. Now it’s just different.

It's like a bucket full of fear, pain and sadness was poured into me.

When we arrived at the place where we had our clothes designed I went out of the car as fast as I can. I didn’t wait for Randall to open the car door for me. I never looked at him and went in the showroom fast.

Our parents are inside already. When they saw me, my mom went up to me and gave me a hug. I greeted them all.

“Sophie, come here darling. You should try these gowns and pick what you like the most.” Mrs. Roswell, Randall’s mom said.

They showed me the gowns. They’re all pretty.

“I bet you’ll look beautiful in all of this, hija.” My mom said.

Mrs. Roswell agreed.

“Go on and start fitting, Randall will do the same, darling.” she said excitedly.

I silently went in the fitting room. They closed the curtains and grabbed the first gown. I was assisted by two women in wearing the gown. I looked at myself in the mirror. I look fine. I’m beautiful too.

Lorraine’s picture flash in my mind. It made me think about the wedding. I shouldn’t have gone there. I wish I didn’t see the picture. She got me thinking if I really want this or not.

It’s really best if I’ve known less.

I didn’t notice that the curtains were already open. They all looked at me. Our parents are being emotional. I just stood there. I looked at Randall, he looks good in his suit. I blankly stared at him. I didn’t smile. He’s looking at me, trying to figure me out. Trying to see what I feel.

My mom suddenly clapped.

“That’s the first dress and I’m already loving it.” she exclaimed. I looked at the dress.

“I’m wearing this one on the wedding.” I flatly said.

Our moms gasped. “Are you sure, hija. There are still more to choose from.” His mom said to me. I smiled.

 “I’m fine with this one. I think this is okay.” I sighed and went inside the fitting room again. Honestly, I’ve lost my mood to do the fitting. My excitement is just gone. I thought I was fine with this. I thought I was okay.

I smiled at myself in the mirror as the workers helped me remove the gown. It’s just a simple gown. It fits my body perfectly.

“You’re beautiful.” I said to myself.

After that I went out. Our parents are done fitting before we arrived. I went to my mom.

“Hija, since you guys are already done, lets eat lunch together.” Mrs. Roswell said.

The men are busy talking about business and I see Randall glancing at me everytime.

“I’m sorry but, can I not go with you guys? I’m not really feeling well.” I politely said.

My mom’s hand suddenly flew on my forehead. Not to hit me or what but to see if I have fever or something.

“Why? Are you sick? Maybe you just need to rest, hija.” She concernedly said.

I nodded. “I’ll just go home now. You guys enjoy your lunch.” I said.

“Randall, Sophie is not feeling well. You should drive her home.” Said Mrs. Roswell.

Randall immediately went to me.

“What’s wrong?” he asked worriedly.

His hand slipped on my waist and he looked at me in the eye.

“Are you okay?” he added.

I carefully took his hand off me without our parents noticing.

“No, I’m fine. I just need to have some rest.” I said. “You don’t have to drive me home.” I added.

He worriedly looked at me.

“Hija, you should just let your fiancé take you home.” Mom told me.

That left me no choice but to let Randall drive me home.

We went to the parking area. He opened the car door for me. I didn’t say a word.

“Are you really okay? Do you wanna go see a doctor?” he asked me as we starts the engine.

“I don’t think the doctor can do anything about what I feel.” I sarcastically said without looking at him.

“Sophie, please don’t be like this.” He frustratingly said.

“Like what? Should I just act like I didn’t see anything?” I yelled at him.

Should I just forget about the fact that he hasn’t moved on to the girl from his past?

“That doesn’t change anything. We’re getting married in two weeks.” He tried to calm himself.

I shook my head and chuckled bitterly.

“That changes everything for me, Randall.” I said as my tears came out again.

“The fact that you lied about you moving on, the fact that you still keep her picture in your office. It got me thinking of all the decisions I’ve ever made. All the decisions I had to make just to keep you by my side. It got me asking myself if all of it was worth it. If that tiny bit of love your giving me was worth it!” I cried.

I never thought of this issue this deep before. I never thought I’d be this hurt by Randall. I hated what I saw. I hate her. I hate Randall. I hate myself.