My name is Oluwadamilare Oluwaferanmi, my friends call me Funky. Reason why they call me this I do not know. All I know is that at particular period in time, the name Funky became popular than even my name so, I have no choice than to start answering to this alien name which I have been given.

I can be told many lies but being told that I am no where near being handsome would be a blatant lie I will totally disagree with. Though, I am not tall, my face is the beautiful flower everyone want to gaze upon. Being handsome was the compliment that stopped being a compliment for me. It became an ordinary word that began to sound like every other word. I will neither appreciate their kind words or gesture about me being handsome, I just want everyone to stop calling me that.

It was my first day in the University and it should not surprise you if my enthusiasm for the lecture was very great and of course, I was very excited.

I had woken up since 4am in the morning and prepared for the class. At 6am, I was already on my way. My lecture for the day was to start by 7am in the morning till 5pm. I had Arabic 113 which would last from 7am to 8am and Nigerian people and culture which would last from 8am to 9am respectively and my core courses which would last from 12pm till 5pm consecutively.

On the journey to lecture, I knew for a fact I was not going to lecture to be lectured alone. I was in fact going to make new friends as well, not just any friends but female friends. I was one of the first students to have arrived the lecture theater earlier than anyone else. While all other students were scrambling for the first seat, I only walked majestically to the middle seat in the middle roll.

I knew for a fact if I had sat at the front seat like other students, I might not accomplish the mission I have at heart. So, in other not to fail in my mission, I need to sit where was far to the front. It was already 7am and the lecturer in charge of this course was not around yet but the population of students in the lecture theater is over two hundred if estimated. Suddenly, I felt a finger tapped me from behind and with a smiling face and a masculine voice spoke

"Is there someone on this seat?"

I knew quite well if I had allowed a guy like myself sit next to me, I had completely failed in my mission so I had to lie:

"Yes, there is. He only went to pee he'd be back shortly."

I stared at him as he walked away

"Oloriburuku, he go spoil my mission" cursed him in Yoruba.

Not long to this time, precisely at 7:10am, the lecturer walked majestically into the class and announced.

"If you are not for Arabic 113, please leave the hall" there was silence in the whole class as no one moved an inch. He continued by saying;

"Well... I guess this is all for the class. My name is professor Sodiq and I am the lecturer in charge of Arabic. Arabic as we have already known is a foreign language. It is quite important for a man to know how to speak more than his own native language or, English language for that matter. Arabic although is not one of the big five languages of the world, it is classified as important as well. Arabic is further divided into three main categories: we have the Modern Arabic; which is mixed with some types of English while speaking. It is a type of Arabic that is spoken informally. There is also the colloquial Arabic which is spoken in the market place. It is a type of Arabic like the Pidgin English. It is spoken inversely. There is also the Classical Arabic and this type of Arabic is the formal Arabic and this is what we will be learning in this course. However, I am only here to lecture and not to teach you so, make use of the school library. He said as we walked away from the class.

"shey this man is okay sha?" –I thought.

"Hello is someone here?" I heard this sweet voice spoken to me from behind. This voice was so tiny and sonorous, rhythm than the melodious sound of a piano.

"Hello, hello, is someone here?" I looked up slowly with so much happiness written on my face only to see the ugliest person I can ever meet. My mind slowly sank in thought like a ship sunk by torpedoes, Why would you have the voice of an angel but have the face of a Gorilla. I mean, why would have a voice like a goddess but a face of an amoeba. I mean, why would your head structure like a left over bread

"Yes! Someone is here. He only went to pee." I kept looking at her as she walked away to another sit.

"But this girl get ynash o...chai! Asin, see that bakasi as it is shaking to the North-North and to the South-South. I mean, it is just like the river Nile with upper levels, middle levels and the lower levels that finally settled at cairo. Why am I hastening to action? Asin, I could have seen weytin this girl carry before I sent her away.

"Hello, is there a person sitting next to you?"

I looked up only to sit a face which is as bright as the sun and as beautiful as the rainbow and her height like that of Iroko tree

"Yes! No! I mean NO! There is no one on this sit. Come sit!"

Yes finally, my mission is about to be complete. Finally a girl worthy is sitting next to me. What's left now is how to get her number. I kept on stealing her looks while she kept pressing her phone. How do I start a conversation?

Glossary

Oloriburuku - unfortunate being

He go spoil my mission- make me not achieve my intention

Shey this man is okay Sha? -- is this man okay?

Yansh/bakasi -- buttocks

Chai - exclamation

Weytin-- what

Sabi - know

Gobe- Trouble

E no fit be-can't happen

Sango- a god

Wan- want

Laslas- finally

Awon iya- The witches

Temi bami- I am doomed

Dey- is

Log on to each other's website- sex

Relay race until our tire went flat- sex