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My Family Are Villain Cannon Fodder

My Family Are Villain Cannon Fodder

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[Face-Slapping Power Fantasy + OP Female Lead + Mystic Arts + Adorable Beasties + Non-Stop Gags + Whole-Family Fave] She was supposed to be the darling of a cliché-rich Mary Sue script, yet a single car crash left Rosalind Blackwood in a vegetative state No one knew she’d actually transmigrated—cultivated all the way to immortality—and then transmigrated back. Hold up! Her family’s gone bankrupt Her second brother mistook some random girl for his “white moonlight” because of a bracelet and turned into her pathetic simp Her third brother got bullied at school and ended up crippled Her fourth sister is actually the real heiress who was swapped at birth And her own life had become someone else’s stepping-stone, trodden on for clout Turns out the whole clan were scripted villains, pure cannon fodder—an entire audience waiting to laugh at their downfall. Rosalind Blackwood: …Hah. Jokes on you; I’m here to deliver shock therapy instead. Face-reading, fortune-telling, demon-busting, talisman-painting, pill-refining—she unveils her skill set one by one. Big shots from every field crawl to her door begging for a single divination or one measly pill. Even the grand masters of the Esoteric Sect call her “Senior.” The ones who once abandoned her now sob and kneel for forgiveness—but before Rosalind can open her mouth, a crowd of heavyweights already boots them out. Get in line if you wanna beg! * Soon after, ruins of an ancient sect surface; Rosalind takes one look—the plaque above the gate is unmistakably hers. Could this be her cultivation world centuries later? Then…her master, her disciples—and that certain pain-in-the-neck guy—could they all be here too?
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"Big sis, you knew all along that I'm not your real sister, didn't you?"

Cordelia Blackwood glared at the woman lying on the hospital bed, her eyes full of spite.

"Since we were kids, you've never treated me right. You had to control everything. I made a friend — you interfered. I bought a designer bag — you nagged. I wanted to study abroad — you shut it down. Afraid I'd spend one more cent of the Blackwood family's money, huh?"

"You kept saying it was for my own good, but you were just torturing me."

"Heh. Well, now it's my turn to ‘help’ you. You've been a vegetable for four years. You must've been dying to be freed from all this, right? Let me do you a favor."

Grinding her teeth, Cordelia pressed her hand over the oxygen tube and squeezed down hard.

Boom—!!

A sudden crack of thunder split the sky outside, its flash lighting up her twisted face. But she didn’t stop; she squeezed even harder.

Then, out of nowhere, an icy hand closed over hers.

"!!!"

Cordelia jolted in shock, jerking her hand away instantly.

At some unknown moment, the woman on the bed had opened her eyes. She was staring at her, cold and sharp.

"…You’re awake?"

Cordelia’s eyes widened, panic and fear flickering across her face.

But the shock faded quickly. She let out a shaky laugh. "Four years… Didn’t think you’d wake up right at this moment… hahaha…"

Looking at this sister who suddenly felt like a complete stranger, Rosalind Blackwood felt a knot form in her chest.

How could just four years turn the girl she raised into someone like this?

Rosalind had only just returned.

Because of a car accident, she’d been thrown into a cultivation world and ended up becoming a pill cultivator.

And during her tribulation, she’d caught a glimpse of her own fate — that while she spent centuries cultivating in that other world, only four years had passed in the one she came from.

During those four years, everything had gone downhill. The family was broke, and everyone’s life had gotten so messy it was hard to even talk about.

Her second brother had fallen for the wrong girl just because of a bracelet, treating some fake who pretended to own it like she was his whole world. Total simp mode activated.

The third brother had been bullied so badly at school that his classmates pushed him to the point of jumping off a building. He broke his leg and now locked himself in his room all day like he was shutting out the entire world.

And the little sister she’d raised for fourteen years? Turned out she’d been switched at birth by accident. The one raised by the Sheng family was actually her real sister.

One disaster after another—Rosalind Blackwood’s head was still spinning from all of it. She didn’t even get a chance to sort through the chaos before… boom. A bolt of heavenly tribulation sent her straight back.

Yep. A single lightning strike threw her back into this mess.

Life really knew how to keep the plot twisting.

Rosalind stared at her. “Were you seriously trying to kill me just now?”

Great timing, really. She came back and immediately walked in on her foster sister trying to murder her.

Cordelia Blackwood trembled. She lifted her head, and for once didn’t even bother to lie. “Yeah, I was going to. But it’s all your family’s fault!”

A chill tightened Rosalind’s chest. “We’ve spoiled you since you were a kid. How exactly did we ever hurt you?”

Back when their parents were alive, they treated Cordelia like she was a literal princess, handing her everything good without hesitation.

“Spiled me?” Cordelia let out a sharp, humorless laugh. “What a joke! You’re still pretending? You knew I wasn’t even your family’s kid! Your parents switched me on purpose! I was supposed to be the Sheng family’s real daughter!”

Her voice rose higher and higher, anger spiraling out of control. “It’s disgusting! They wanted their own daughter living the rich life, so they swapped me with someone else!”

Rosalind frowned. She gathered the tiny bit of spiritual energy she had left, lifted her hand toward Cordelia’s face, and swung hard.

Smack!

Her palm never touched her skin, yet Cordelia’s cheek burned instantly, a bright red mark spreading across her face.

She clutched her cheek, eyes widening in shock.

What… what had she just run into?

Rosalind looked at her, voice cold. “Cordelia Blackwood, that’s enough. Sure, we’re bankrupt now, but we still had decent money before. When did we ever shortchange you?”

Now that the Sheng family had started sensing something was off, they reached out to her foster sister ahead of time. And Cordelia Blackwood wasn’t stupid—she’d even yanked out a strand of Rosalind Blackwood’s hair for a DNA test, and the result had just come out today.

What Rosalind didn’t expect was Cordelia spinning the result into something so outrageous, actually convincing herself that the parents had swapped babies on purpose.

“Swapped on purpose? For what, exactly? You’ve been reading way too many online novels. We told you to study, but no—you spent all day glued to your stories and still can’t put together a full English sentence. We even saved up for your overseas tuition, and you couldn’t even manage to get yourself on the plane.”

“We really raised an ungrateful brat.”

Cordelia’s face stiffened the more she listened, her cheek burning where she’d been slapped. Fear mixed with embarrassment, and she stumbled back a few steps.

“You’re just jealous of me! My real parents will come get me soon anyway. Your family is already bankrupt, so don’t even think about begging me for anything!”

With that, she spun around and bolted out of the ward. She was in such a rush she even tripped over her own feet on the way out.

Rosalind didn’t spare her another glance. Bracing herself against the bed, she struggled for a long moment before finally using a thread of spiritual energy to force her body upright.

Great. Her body felt like a pile of rusted scrap metal.

She closed her eyes to check her condition—and froze.

No wonder. Everything had been fine at first, and then she suddenly turned into a walking disaster magnet. Someone had actually stolen her luck.

Her primordial spirit cultivation was intact, but with her physical cultivation this weak, she could only suppress it. If she tried to release her power now to trace the culprit, this body would probably fall apart on the spot.

Rosalind let out a soft laugh. “Well, if that’s the case, I’ll just wait for them to walk right into my hands.”

Her fingers moved quickly through a set of hand seals. As her qi flowed, the luck that had been leaking out of her suddenly snapped shut, like someone had flipped a switch and sealed it tight.

The backlash almost drained half of her remaining spiritual energy. But the good news was that the mustard-seed space she’d refined before hadn’t been blown away by the tribulation lightning—it was still bound to her primordial spirit.

The awkward part was that since she had to suppress her cultivation, she still couldn’t enter the space.

She needed to recover—fast. The qi in this world was thin, but not nonexistent. At least she wasn’t completely doomed.

Let’s see if she could pull something out…

The moment she willed it, a round brown pill appeared in her palm.

The lowest-grade Body Tempering Pill—no idea when she’d made this batch, but it could clear meridians and warm the channels. Honestly, it was perfect for her right now.

Rosalind Blackwood didn’t hesitate. She tossed the pill into her mouth, forced her stiff legs into a cross‑legged position, and started meditating.

With every breath she drew in, the medicine’s power slowly seeped through her system. Her body, heavy and clumsy just moments ago, began changing at an unbelievable speed.

When the last trace of energy faded, Rosalind climbed off the bed, stretched long and slow, then put her hands on her hips and twisted her waist a couple of times.

“Feels alright… maybe I should try something a bit harder.”

Right at that moment, a knock sounded at the door.

“Come in.”

The nurse doing rounds pushed the door open—then froze, eyes wide.

Wait, what?

Wasn’t this patient the one who’d been lying here unconscious for four years? And she’s… doing yoga?

She must’ve opened the wrong door. No way this made sense.

Rosalind looked at her and said, “Perfect timing. Help me with the discharge procedures.”

“Discharge?”

Already? Just like that?

This was straight-up a medical miracle.

Rosalind had nothing to pack anyway. Once the paperwork was done, she pocketed the refunded deposit and walked right out of the hospital.

Next up was the part that gave her a headache just thinking about it.

She hailed a cab and gave the driver an address. But the second she stepped out at the destination, her chest tightened all over again.

So this was home now. After the bankruptcy, the mansion was gone, replaced with this run-down, depressing complex.

Following the memories she glimpsed during her tribulation, Rosalind made her way to Building Seven, second floor.

The more she saw, the worse her mood got. The stairwell was narrow, the walls were peeling, and the front door was plastered with all kinds of sketchy flyers.

So this was where her third brother had been living?

God… it was downright miserable.

She found the key tucked inside the milk box by the door. The moment she slid it into the lock, a loud thud came from inside.

Rosalind Blackwood froze.

“!!!”

She shoved the door open at once. The place was a disaster—chairs overturned, stuff scattered everywhere, dust thick enough to write on. It looked like the aftermath of a small tornado.

But she didn’t waste a second on the mess. She charged straight to the door on the far left, kicked it open, and saw her third brother—Sterling Blackwood—having tossed his crutch aside, halfway out the window.

This brat—was he seriously trying to end his own life?