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Far From Perfect

Far From Perfect

作者:MaidP_mfh

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简介
I am far from perfect. When I look in the mirror, I am reminded of that. I see every single one of my imperfections. It's hard not to when all people have ever done is point them out. Now I just see what everyone else see's, the fat girl. I loathe looking in the mirror because it reminds me of what I don't want to see. It reflects what I have tried so hard to hide under baggy clothes all these years. No matter how hard I try not to despise the way I look, I can't. Society has taught me to hate who I am. There are days where I break down in front of the mirror because I can't stand to look at my body that is full of curves in all the wrong places. When I see the stretch marks that mar my stomach, the cellulite that covers the back of my legs and the dimples that cover my round bottom, I feel my heart shatter in two. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish that my body was completely different, but no matter how hard I wish, nothing ever changes. I'm still the same fat girl, day in and day out.
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正文内容

My alarm goes off but I refuse to move. I just lay in bed and stare up at the glow in the dark stars on my roof, thinking if I just lay here long enough, my alarm will shut up and my responsibilities will just disappear with it.

I close my eyes and feel myself drift off to sleep when I hear a fist pounding on my door.

"Alexa, get your lazy butt out of bed! You need to get ready for work," I hear my best friend and roommate yell from the other side of my bedroom door, bursting my bubble. I groan in complaint.

"Go away," I yell back and sluggishly throw a pillow at my door. I roll onto my stomach and hear my door creak open and before I know it, my blankets are being pulled off of me. "Seriously, Mia?" I complain with my eyes still closed.

"Seriously," she responds with a laugh and smacks me on the head with the pillow I had thrown at the door. "Now get up and get ready. The last thing we want is to be late to work."

"Fine. I'll start getting ready. Just give me five more minutes."

"No, Alexa! Get your lazy ass out of bed," she demands and starts pulling me by my leg until I'm literally clinging to my bed to keep from falling off.

"Okay, I give. I give. I'll start getting ready now," I say with a huff and feel her release my leg. "Now go away, so I can get ready."

"Fine, but you better be ready in half an hour."

"Yes, mother," I say with a roll of my eyes and climb out of bed, giving up any hope I had of getting even one more minute of shut-eye.

'Don't give me that attitude," Mia says with lots of sass and places her hand on her hip, but I know she's just messing around.

"Okay, enough. I need to get ready now that I'm up," I say with as much energy as I can muster.

"Thank goodness," Mia says, throwing her hands up in relief. "I'll leave you now. But now you only have twenty-five minutes since you took so long."

"That's fine. Now shoo," I tell her and gently push her out of my room before locking the door behind her, glad that she is finally out of my hair even if it is just for the time being. Don't get me wrong.

I love Mia to death. I just don't appreciate when people get between me and my sleep, but in this case, it can't be helped. We both have to get to work.

I quickly do my usual morning routine and get in a quick shower before getting dressed. I give my outfit a once over and simply accept the fact that I'm not going to look any better than I did yesterday or the day before and completely skip the mirror and walk past my stash of makeup on the bathroom counter and grab my hairbrush.

On my good days, I would at least put some mascara on and maybe a pop of color for my lips, but today I'm not feeling it. The last thing I want to do is look in the mirror, so I skip that part altogether and brush my curly hair.

People often compliment my long raven black hair that falls in waves around my shoulders and back, but not even my hair is enough to give me the boost of confidence that I need to feel good about myself, but there are those rare days where I actually do like what I see in the mirror.

They are few and far between, but when I have those kinds of days, I cling to them as if they were my lifeline because those days are what help me keep going.

I walk out of my bathroom, refusing to look at myself in the mirror and make my way towards thekitchenwithmypursein hand.

"You look really pretty," Mia comments just like she does practically every day, but I feel that her saying it is no different than my mom telling me that I'm beautiful, which she really only says because I'm her daughter.

That's basically every parent's obligation, and I feel that Mia feels that same sense of obligation since I'm her best friend and roommate, but I thank her just the same. I never do take her words to heart though, because I have a hard time believing them no matter how many times she tells me I'm pretty and beautiful.

"Thanks, Mia," I respond. I don't even bother putting myself down because I know she'll scorn me. I keep my negative thoughts to myself and simply pour myself a fresh cup of coffee.

"I made you some eggs, bacon, and hash browns just the way you like them," she tells me as she hands me a plate full of delicious smelling food.

"You're the best," I respond gratefully and take my plate to our small dining table.

"You're welcome. Now hurry and scarf it down. We don't want to be late to work."

"Yes, ma'am," I respond with a mock salute and dig into my breakfast, enjoying every single bite that is mouthwatering.

"Thanks for this amazing breakfast," I tell her as I finish up my last bite of food and take my plate to the sink to wash it, but she beats me to it.

"You're welcome. Now go warm up the car while I finish washing the dishes."

"Will do. Thanks again." I grab my purse and walk out the front door of our small two-bedroom apartment.

Our apartment isn't big by any means, but I love it because it's cozy and has just what we need. A small living room, kitchen, and two bedrooms and two bathrooms.

I have an en-suite and Mia has the bigger bedroom, but she preferred that over having a bathroom in the room, so she gets the guest bathroom to herself.

We also don't have any annoying upstairs neighbors since our apartment is only one story, which is a plus. We do have neighbors, but they are all really great and have never given us any problems.

We have a few neighbors to our right and a courtyard to our left. On the other side of the courtyard is more one-story apartments. And on the far back side of the courtyard are even more apartments.

It's kind of a weird layout but we have a huge grass courtyard between the two big rectangles that are made up of one story apartments. The courtyard isn't anything special but it's the outdoor space available to us if we ever want to throw a party. We never have but many of our neighbors do throw parties here and there.

Some of the apartments have backyards. We didn't really feel like we needed one since we don't have any pets, so we went with the bigger apartment instead. It's not that big but definitely bigger than those that have backyards.

We got lucky and got the corner apartment right beside the courtyard. Our apartment is also facing a small grass area that is set up like a park.

It has picnic tables and grills so residents can cook and eat outside. Beyond the grassy area is the big parking lot where we all park our cars. Our complex isn't anything special but it is home to us and we love it here.

I make it outside of our apartment and take a few steps when I hear the click of a shutter. I quickly look over to my right and see a guy with a camera in his hand. A camera that happens to be pointed in my direction.

"Can I help you?" I ask him and the guy boldly takes more pictures as I stand there waiting for a response. "Can I help you?" I repeat frustrated and he finally lowers his camera from his face, revealing a pair of light blue eyes and a smirk that I want to slap right off his stupidly handsome face.

"You already did," he finally responds in a deep, baritone voice that is the last thing I expect to come out of him.

"Excuse me?" I respond dumbfounded, not knowing what to say to him.

He simply laughs, completely ignoring what I said and walks towards me until there are only two feet between us. I look up at him and I mean literally look up because he towers over me.

I have no idea how tall he is, but seeing as I am five-seven, my guess is that he is over six feet tall. Not thatI mind. After all, it's always nice looking at a tall man.

"I'm Nate, your new Neighbor," he informs me and extends his hand towards me. I arch my eyebrow, not believing one word that is coming out of his mouth and simply stare at him, refusing to shake his hand.

"And I'm Britney Spears," I respond sarcastically.

"Look, it's true. I live around the corner towards the back of the complex," he tells me with a shrug and lifts the hand he was holding out to me to rub the back of his neck just as Mia steps out of our apartment.

"I know what apartment you're talking about. It's the one that has been vacant for months and is facing the back side of the courtyard."

"Yes, that one. I live there now," he persists but I don't believe him for one second.

"What the hell! Why haven't you warmed up the car, Alexa?" Mia complains, interrupting our conversation. She walks up to me but doesn't notice the intruder. I nod in the new guy's direction, and she finally realizes that we're not alone.

"I haven't warmed up my car because we apparently have a new neighbor," I inform her.

Mia looks up at him and literally has to crane her neck up because she is shorter than me by a few inches, but she embraces her pixie-like figure.

"So now you believe me?" Our supposed new neighbor asks and I shrug my shoulders.

"Not really," I say bluntly. "But that's not what I care about. Why were you taking pictures of me like a total creep? You don't even know me."

"I'm a photographer."

"Does that give you a right to take pictures of random strangers?"

"I can't help it. Taking pictures is my passion."

"And what does that have to do with me?"

"I saw you and I knew that I had to capture your beauty."

"Oh please," I respond with a dry laugh and roll my eyes, not believing the crap that is spewing out of his mouth.

"I meant what I said," he says with so much seriousness, I almost believe him, but I can't. Not when I know deep down that I'm not beautiful.

"I've heard enough," I respond angrily, and turn to Mia. "Let's go. We don't want to be late," I tell her and push past our supposed new neighbor.

I don't have to look back to know he's watching me as I walk away from him. "Mia, snap out of it," I mutter angrily over my shoulder. The moment she saw him she went quiet and I don't get it. Yeah, the guy is handsome but looks aren't everything.

"Sorry. He's just so ... gorgeous," she whispers the last bit as she climbs into the passenger seat of my car.

"I agree to disagree," I lie as I get into the driver's seat, and close my car door. I put the key in the ignition and turn on the car.

While the car warms up, I put on my seatbelt and see out of the corner of my eye that he's still standing in the same spot, looking in our direction. I turn towards him and see that his camera is pointed in my direction again, so I flip him off, and peel out of the parking lot, no longer wanting to see his disgustingly handsome face.

I sigh, hating the fact that I even thought he was handsome to begin with and put on the first radio station that I find, needing music to drown out my thoughts of him.

I arrive at our workplace fifteen minutes later and thankfully make it just in time for our shift that is just about to start.

Mia leads the way into the bridal store we work at and makes her way straight to the back where our small lockers are located.

We quickly put our belongings away and grab our name tags before heading back out onto the floor where there are already some clients looking through wedding dresses.

I put on my name tag just like I do every day and plaster a smile on my face before approaching the nearest bride-to-be, who looks as happy as can be.

I immediately ask her about her wedding, her fiance?, and what she has in mind for her dress. Before I know it, I'm helping her look for her dream dress, which I do every single weekday with tons of brides-to-be and I love doing it.