"Mom, where exactly are we going?". I asked her and almost regret asking the question. I get that cold silence which still answers the question in a way.
It was obvious that she was startled by my question but she quickly composes herself and almost immediately, her grip tightens on the steering wheel as she drives faster.
Even though I didn't expect her to give me a reply to my question earlier, she did anyways. "You'll see when we get there". She gives the fakest smile you can ever think of and frowns precisely three seconds later
trust me, I counted 3 seconds
.
I could tell that she wasn't having any more of my questions and so I just turned to face the window. I wound down a little bit but that earned me a glare from my mother and I try to ignore the glare.
Instead, I put my right hand outside trying to take in some of the fresh air. "Young lady! You have to wind back up. There's no space for dirt in my car. You can see how dusty the road is", she says with a little frown but not turning from the wind screen.
The road is actually quite dusty and that even makes me question where exactly we are heading to in my head. I eye the dirty old Mazda as I do as she says. "It's not like it's worth the pamper", I murmur to myself for the fear of receiving a knock on my head if she had heard me.
"But I want to feel the air on my skin...", I whine as I say the 'skin'. As usual, she stays silent and naturally, I understand that when I get the cold silence, I'm supposed to mind my business. I sit back comfortably into the passenger's seat.
I go through my bag that is tossed on the carpet beside my feet to get my phone and I see that it's 2:37p.m. I still do not understand why we had to move out of our house. We only packed a few necessities in the wobbling old car. Mother didn't allow me to get most of my stuff because the dirty old car couldn't take them all.
Truth be told, the red pale Mazda had done a lot than I could think of and I feel guilty for appreciating it less. I take a quick glance through my phone and see a "where are you?" text from my best friend
she was literally the only thing I had closest to a friend before now
.
Until mother told me not to tell anyone that we were leaving. In fact, she promised to seize my phone if I did speak to anyone. Come to think of it, what are the odds of moving to a new neighborhood? What's the worse that could happen? It's not like I'm going to hell.
This is me trying not to overthink it. I remind myself that this is a new beginning for me. Perhaps, there's one good thing in stock for me in this new life. I feel deep down that this is another chance to redeem my self.
What if it's not?", my subconscious whispers to me and it took all that I had in me to shove the thought out of my head. There's no room for pessimism.
"This journey is taking forever", I begin to complain to mother. It was apparent that she was exhausted from driving but let's just say that I was ordained to frustrate her.
She chooses to give me the cold silence treatment and I don't pester her since I was also tired from sitting down for too long. I look through the window and see small bungalow houses lined up side by side with barely no space for a yard or a parking lot.
Most of the houses had long cracks and lichens
lichens are those tiny organisms that grow on roofs and walls of houses
.
Just above our car was a sign board that had "Welcome to Levota" written on it. Where the hell is Levota?! We passed through the visible entrance that leads to Levota and I could bet that this was another world entirely.
I see small children rolling abandoned car tyres in only their panties and looking so unkempt. They were all covered in dust that I wondered how their parents would recognize their children. They most probably don't have parents.
“Mom, where exactly is this place?", I curiously ask her.
I was feeling an iota of uneasiness and slight anger. We've been on this matter since we started this journey. Would it take anything from her to tell me where we were going? Is that too much to ask?
“We are almost there." She smiles sheepishly.
“We are almost where Mom?, is there something you're not telling me? I've been asking you since we left our home where we are going. You refused to tell me. Now you're telling me that we are almost there. What is happening? You told me not to pick my calls or reply my texts. And even if we are moving, why didn't we pack all our stuff ? Who are you hiding from? What exactly is the problem? Why are you leaving me in the dark?", once I finish speaking, I realize that I'm out of breath and panting heavily.
As long as I've known my mother, she has always been very calm. She only talks when it's necessary. She tells me sometimes that I talk too much and I should only speak when my opinion is needed.
At this point, I know she's weighing her options whether my questions are worth replying and whether to reply me calmly or otherwise. I know she has been through a lot but I'm too pissed to be concerned about that now.
“Since when did you earn the right to question me? I told you we will soon get there. Isn't that answer enough for you? For your information, you will go wherever I take you to and you don't even have the right to complain. You are 18 and you still behave like a child. If you had agreed to do the after school jobs I got for you, we would have been able to afford the house rent. I worked my ass out while you were busy lazying around like a fool that you are!", she thunders and breathes out that I didn't even know she was holding her breathe.
Her eyes not leaving the wind screen. If I wasn't looking at her, I would have missed the drop of tears I saw on her check. Ouch, that hurts yet again.
Again and again, it sounds foreign when she reminds me of how much of a loser I am. I wince at her words. A small part of me feels the urge to strongly do something to prove to her that I can also be a source of her happiness too.
I know I'm supposed to reply rudely like I always do but I stay silent as she continues driving. I start to feel a weight on my eyes as I begin to drift off.