Lindsey

I felt like the world was against me. I do not think the rest of my life will be filled with love, happiness, and laughter. The person I liked for almost a decade was getting engaged. As if the news of Ryder’s engagement was not bad enough, my family was invited to the engagement party, which means I had to be there.

"Mom, I do not want to go,” I said in a quiet voice while taking a seat next to my mother. We were sitting in the living room waiting for my father so we could all walk to Ryder’s grandparents’ home, where the engagement was held. “You have to go, Lindsey. You and Ryder are friends. I am sure he would like for you to be there,” my mother responded.

I sighed and leaned my head on her shoulders. Shortly after, my father came out of his study, and we walked to Ryder’s grandparents’ house. As we entered the house, I saw the happy couple. They both looked happy, with broad smiles on their faces. My heart was hurting. I know I am going to cry.

I hope I can get back to the privacy of my bedroom before the tears spill. “Hello Jane and Albert,” Mrs. Bazin Ryder’s grandmother greeted my parents as we walked into her home. “Lindsey, I did not know you were back. How are you?” Mrs. Bazin asked as she hugged me. “I am great, grandma. I came back yesterday,” I replied.

She greeted us with a hug, then turned her attention to the other guest that arrived after us. My parents saw some of their friends and went to greet them. I stood in the same spot for about two minutes, looking at the happy couple and willing myself to greet them. Ryder and his finance, Charlene, were talking to two of our friends, Vince and Jack.

I decided to join them. I put a broad smile on my face and headed in their direction. As I got closer, Vince saw me first, left the group and stood in front of me, with two long strides hugging me. “Hi, Lindsey, you are back. I am happy to see you,” Vince said as he hugged me. “I am happy to see you too, Vince,” I responded as we pulled apart.

I held on to his hands, trying to get the strength from him to face the person I was crushing on, my friend, my girlfriend’s fiancé, Ryder. As we joined the others I greeted everyone. “Hi guys,” I said in a soft voice. Jack pulled me into a hug and kissed my cheeks. “You are as beautiful as ever, Lindsey,” he said while kissing both of my cheeks.

“Thank you, Jack, you are as handsome as always,” I mumbled. Jack chuckled and released me. Charlene stepped forward and hugged me with a broad smile on her face. “I am happy you came to my engagement party. Today is the happiest day of my life.” It was difficult for me to continue smiling after hearing Charlene’s words.

I could feel the tears as they started to run down the side of my eyes. I wiped my eyes quickly and blinked a few times to prevent the tears from falling. As I pulled away from Charlene’s hug, I forced a smile on my face and said, “congratulations!” with fake excitement in my voice.

I turned to Ryder to congratulate him, and our eyes met. He opened his arms to hug me, still looking happy and smiling broadly. As I stepped into his arms, I felt my lips quivering, and then the tears I was trying to hold at bay spilled. A sob tore from my lips as I began to cry.

The feeling of embarrassment welled up inside of me. I planned to cry in the privacy of my bedroom, not in my friend’s fiancé's arms and not in front of my other friends. I pulled out of Ryder’s arms and ran straight out the door. As I ran out the door, I heard my mother’s voice from afar calling my name.

As I continued running, the voice got closer. “Lindsey, wake up! Who told you to lock your door? Wake up! Lindsey! Lindsey!” her voice was followed by a constant knocking on my bedroom door. I slowly came out of my dream. My heart was heavy, and I felt like crying. “I am awake, mom,” I shouted.

“Who told you to lock your door? The only bedroom door that should be locked in this house is mine.” I know my mom will continue disturbing me if I do not open the door. I got out of bed, unlocked the door, and pulled it open. As soon as the door opened I said, “mom, you said I could lock my door when I become eighteen. I am eighteen today.”

“When did I say that?” My mom asked. “When I was younger, and I got into trouble, I locked myself away in my room. Then, you came knocking on the door and said no child should be locked away by themselves in a room, not even their bedroom. That is why I stopped locking my bedroom door.”

My mom looked at me and said, “we have to get ready for your birthday dinner. Hurry up and come downstairs.” She then hugged me, kissed my cheeks and whispered, "happy birthday" before pulling away. She left, closing the door quietly behind her. My mom likes to wake me in the mornings, but I am not fond of her waking me.

I am not a child anymore. I threw myself on my bed, pulled the pillow over my head, and closed my eyes. Ryder and Charlene are getting engaged? Are they a couple? When will he be back to visit his grandparents? What will I do if Ryder and Charlene get engaged? I felt the tears welling up in my eyes as that helpless feeling I felt in my dreams overtook me, and I began to cry.

I allowed the tears to flow down my cheeks. I have known Ryder since I was ten years old. His grandparents and my grandparents are friends. I met Ryder two months after we moved here. It was the summer school break, and Ryder was visiting his grandparents for three weeks. I remember the first time I saw him.

He was looking into our backyard, over the fence that separates our grandparents’ backyards. I was playing in my dollhouse when I heard a voice say, “Hi, what is your name?” The front of the dollhouse was opened; this made it easier for us to see each other. I looked in the direction from where the voice came and saw a boy looking at me.

I bowed my head and said, “Lindsey.” Then he asked, “are you visiting too?” I replied, “no, I live here now.” He said, “oh,” and then he stopped talking. He stood there looking at me for a few minutes. I began feeling uncomfortable, so I picked up my doll and ran inside. I smiled at the memory and decided to do some investigating. I have to find out if my dream is a warning.

I dried my tears, got out of bed, and went into the bathroom to take a bath. I did not feel like dressing up, so I put on a short strapless dress and left my bedroom to join my family in the dining room. As I walked into the dining room, I was greeted with happy birthday wishes from everyone.

I sat down to eat my breakfast, and I asked the question that would give me an answer to the dream I had this morning. “Is Charlene engaged or getting engaged?” I asked no one in particular. If anyone should know the answer to this question, it should be my grandmother. Almost all of the grandparents in the community are friends.

They all talk to each other about their children and grandchildren. “No dear,” my grandmother responded. Instantly I felt my body relaxed. “Why did you ask that question?” my grandmother asked. “I dreamed she was getting engaged and since I got back only yesterday, I want to confirm if my dream is true,” I replied.

“The dream may be about you,” my mother jokingly responded as she poured me a glass of orange juice. I looked at my mom with a false shocked expression and said, “Mom, just a few minutes ago, I turned eighteen; you want to get rid of me that quick?” Everyone started laughing. Then, we ate our breakfast in silence.

As the silence continued, my body began to tense up again. I was lost in my thoughts as I ate. Maybe Ryder is getting engaged to someone from his hometown. The dreaded helpless, empty feeling I felt in my dream started to creep into my heart again. Who do I ask about Ryder? Can I ask my grandmother after asking her about Charlene?

I decided I would find Vince or Jack, Ryder’s good friends, to ask about Ryder. I will find a way to ask the question without raising suspicion about my feelings for Ryder. I am so silly. I should have asked my grandmother about Ryder and ask Vince or Jack about Charlene.

Vince and Jack live a few houses away from where I live, while Charlene lives on the other block. It will be quicker to get answers from Vince or Jack. I am going to get answers today. I am not going back to college without getting everyone's phone number, I promised myself.

I am not a child anymore. I can have a boyfriend now, and Ryder is on my radar. He has been on my radar for years. Not that I will do anything about it. I do not know if I will ever be brave enough to tell Ryder how I feel about him. I know Ryder dotes on me, and I am sure it is more like how he would dote on his sister if he had one.

I remember him telling me he wanted a sibling. He begged his parents for years and finally gave up asking at the age of ten years. I sigh helplessly and decide to focus on helping my parents prepare for my birthday dinner.