VANESSA

Both of his hands were on my hips moving my body in a rhythm. He was enjoying the view from below while I bounced on his disco stick. In the air I could smell freshly baked pastries from the bakery just below my apartment.

Mmm...

Maybe afterwards, I thought to myself. After a workout like this, I deserved a pastry smothered in chocolate, we've been going at it for a good twenty minutes now. Beads of sweat had slipped down between my breasts and all at this point.

The sex was good, despite the many distractions that surrounded me. Like the noise of the outside world coming through my opened bedroom window. It was summertime too which meant windows being open was a necessity. I was practically melting, especially during the act itself.

The big distraction of all was how much I was in my head — at all times. In my head about my past. The secrets that I keep from the people that surround me and the mistakes that I've made since.

Big mistakes -- Ones I wish I hadn't made.

"You're so hot. Do you even realise how hot you are?"He said and sat up in bed. He was holding my naked body firmly against his as we moved."Your body is on fire and your ass is so fucking firm."

"Don't talk, "I whispered against his lips. I didn't want to hear it — I didn't need to hear it. I just wanted him to be quiet and to touch me like I want to be touched.

"If that's what you want."He moaned against me as I increased speed. Both of his hands were cupping my breasts and squeezing them as the intensity grew.

"Holy shit, Yes!"He released his load into the condom and lay back on the mattress.

I lay down next to him looking up at the cracks on my bedroom ceiling and listening to the noise of the traffic below us.

He looked across at me and smiled."Wow that was really something."He attempted to lace his fingers with mine but I was quick to pull away. This is the first time he has tried something like this with me in the months that we've known each other. It's become apparent to me that he has become attached — but I haven't. I won't allow that to happen.

He should know better.

I stood from the bed and slipped a robe on over my naked body."You should get going."

He released a sigh."I know the drill, Vanessa." He replied and stood from the bed and started to pick his clothes up from the floor."So do you have somewhere you need to be?"

"Just a party. My friend got engaged recently."I stood at my vanity mirror moving a brush through my hair.

"A party..."He slipped his jeans up his legs."I wouldn't mind going to a party. Why didn't you ask me to go with you?"

"We don't do that sort of thing."I replied.

"You mean talk or hang out. I guess I'm just that neighbour that you like to fuck when the mood strikes. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about our arrangement..."

"It sounds like you're complaining."

"I'm not. I just think it would be nice to have a conversation every now and again, I don't know anything about you other than the obvious."He pulled his T-shirt on over his head.

I turned around and looked at him."And what's the obvious?"

"Well whoever hurt you in the past fucked you up big time. Someone hurt you and you're finding your own way of lashing out. Am I right or am I wrong?"

Mr know it all! I felt the urge to kick him where it hurt, to scream and shout until all the anger was released from within me."I want you to go."

He clicked his tongue off the roof of his mouth. "Vanessa..."

"I said get out, Colin. I don't want to talk to you right now."I turned my back to him and started clearing up while I waited for him to get fed up and leave. I didn't turn back around again until I heard my front door closing and I knew he was gone.

The first man to tell me how fucked up I am. It hurt me a little, even though I knew it was true.

I grabbed my little black dress that was hanging on the wardrobe door and I walked into the bathroom to freshen up.

I showed up at the bar an hour later and the guests had already started to arrive. The bar was decorated with balloons and banners, but it was rustic and elegant. There was even free champagne so I was definitely happy about that.

You found the free champagne before you found me. I'm hurt."I heard Alex's voice and I turned around happy to see a friendly face. My closest companion in life.

"I was looking for you I swear, I just found the champagne first."We made the agreement that we would meet out front since the party is most likely filled with people that we don't know. I arrived here later than him I guess"It was so hot out today so I was thirsty."

"Yeah, I'm sure that has nothing to do with that neighbour you've been spending your time with lately."He gave me a sideways glance and picked up a glass from the bar.

"He's just a friend."Alex and I walked alongside each other through the crowd of guests.

"A friend that you screw."He whispered."I get it. He gives you what you need. Just don't be surprised when feelings get involved and I don't mean yours — I mean his."

"There's no feelings."Just good sex I thought to myself. We're both getting what we need from one another."Colin and I have an arrangement that suits us. Neither of us wants it to go any further than that."

"If you say so."Alex drank from his glass."So are you worried about bumping into you know who tonight?"

Of course, I am.

"I don't want to see him. But you know I wasn't going to miss out on tonight no matter what. If I see him, then I'll just pretend that he doesn't exist." Alex and I clinked our glasses together in agreement.

Natasha spotted us and rushed over."You're here. My friends."She threw her arms around us both." I'm so glad you two are finally here, I've been stuck chatting to Ollie's friends for way too long."

I chuckled and returned the hug."Well, we're here to rescue you."

"I see you both got some free champagne. I told the waiter to keep pouring so help yourselfs, I want you two to have fun tonight. My parents have been arguing since they arrived."Natasha rolled her eyes.

"That's nothing new."Alex chuckled.

"Tell me about it. They're not exactly the best role models, are they."She shook her head."Anyway, there are lots of single guys here that Ollie works with. Some of them are hot enough to make me wish to be single again."

"It's not a party without some hot gay men." Alex joked.

Ollie snaked his arms around Natasha from behind."Sorry, Guys. I need to steel my beloved fiancé for a couple of minutes. She won't be long."

"I'll be back in five. If not come save me."She whispered and followed behind her groom to be.

"I don't think we'll be seeing much of that one tonight." said Alex."It's just you and I, Lovely."

"Are you sure about that?"I brought his attention to the tall and handsome man across the room. Mr Handsome was looking at Alex and making it obvious that he was interested. "Why don't you go and introduce yourself."

"And leave you alone. No."He shook his head.

"I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself. Go and get him."I encouraged. I didn't want him to miss out just because I was alone. What kind of friend would I be.

"Alright I'm going, "He walked through the crowd towards Mr Handsome and I watched on as he approached him and started a conversation. Alex then looked my way and winked so I knew that it was going okay.

I guess it's just me now...

I grabbed my third refill and stayed by the bar looking around the room in hopes there was no one I knew, that I would have to hold a conversation with. I wasn't in the mood for pity or questions — and trust me there was always pity and questions.

"He's not here."I heard Ollie's voice and snapped my head around."I've noticed you looking around the room. You're looking for Jeremy."

"No."I replied without hesitation."I men yes. I was worried that he was going to be here tonight, I don't want to see him."

"He's not coming. He didn't think that you would come if he did and he didn't want you missing out on tonight."Ollie explained."She's your best friend and he's mine. It's a little awkward, Right?"

I nodded my head in agreement. If only they knew the truth behind all of this, they would understand my reasons for shutting him out of my life. But they don't know — no one does.

"He asks about you, Vanessa. When I do see him it's at the office, where he spends most of his time these days. If he's not there, then he's home alone drinking and becoming more miserable by the day."

"No offence, Ollie. But you don't know what you're talking about. Jeremy and I — there's — it doesn't matter."There was no need for an explanation since I couldn't share the real truth. To him and everyone else, I'm just the bitch that left her husband heartbroken.

He mustered a smile."I'll go see if Natasha needs me."He walked away. I didn't want Ollie to ever dislike me, I wanted to get along with him for the sake of Natasha. I just hate when people think they know what's best for you when they really have no clue.

A couple of hours later and it was past midnight. Some people had left already, but the bar was still packed enough that it was hard to get a seat to sit on.

A blonde-haired man going by the name of Greg was trying his luck with me by the bar. No part of me was welcoming it or enjoying it. But like a lot of men, he just wasn't getting the hint.

"I'm the oldest friend he has, Ollie and I use to play together when we were younger. Our Mothers were best friends so we basically grew up like brothers. How do you know them?"He asked.

"I'm best friends with the bride to be. I'm the one that introduced them actually."

"Cheers to you for setting that up."He smiled. "Let me get you a drink."

"No that's okay I'm..."

"Oh come on, it's just one drink."He grabbed two glasses of champagne before I could protest for a second time."The champagne is good, drink up."

I drank from my glass, not because he told me to, but because I wanted a drink. All the love in the air was making me nauseous so I plan to get totally drunk so I can block it all out and not remember it tomorrow.

"Vanessa.."He smirked as my name left his lips. He was looking at me with his pervy eyes, from my boobs all the way down my legs."You do know you're the hottest woman in this bar tonight."

"Thank you for saying so. I made an effort."

"I can tell."He winked at me."You know we could always ditch this place if you're interested? You already know that I am."

"I'm not. I don't sleep around."I was laughing on the inside at that one. I drank the remainder of my champagne and grabbed my clutch bag."So I have to get going. But thank you for the free champagne."I walked past him through the crowd of guests before he tried to use his words of persuasion on me again.

I saw that Alex was cosy with Mr Handsome so I left him to it. If I tell him I'm leaving then he'll leave with me and I didn't want to do that to him. I went searching for Natasha.

She was sitting with Ollie, kissing and hugging him. Loved up couples depressed me these days, except for those two. I love seeing them together and I love that she's happy.

I used the bathroom before I left. I didn't think it was wise to wait until I got home after having a couple of drinks. I walked through the crowd towards the door of the bar feeling a little dizzy and lightheaded.

The champagne hit me weird. I did knock back that last glass fairly quickly so I could make my escape. Now it's completely gone to my head and I feel so out of it.

I left the bar and stepped outside, the cool nights breeze caused me to feel worse again. There were people around chatting while having a cigarette and a drink.

I pulled my phone from my purse and looked at the screen with blurry eyes. I felt weird, like I could fall asleep right now and sleep for days and I found it hard to focus on what was going on.

"Are you okay, Vanessa?"I heard a man's voice say. I recognised his voice, it was the man that I was chatting with by the bar. He followed me out here.

"I think I drank too much. I need to lie down."I replied and walked a few steps. I realised that I wasn't capable of walking so I rested against the wall.

He followed after me."Why don't I take you back to your place, I'm parked just around the corner." He had his hands on me, rubbing my skin and causing me to shiver.

"No, I'm okay. I'll get a taxi."I whispered.

"Come on, It's not safe to get a taxi alone when you're like this. You're drunk, you're not even able to walk. I'll get you home safe and sound."I felt his breath on my cheek and his aftershave that was unfamiliar to me.

He was touching me, trying to pick me up in his arms."No..."I said with all my might. As much as I willed my eyes to stay open — they wouldn't.

Suddenly I heard a thud and his body was on the ground in front of my feet. What's going on? My legs started to buckle from under me and I found myself in the arms of someone strong.

In and out of consciousness I could faintly hear a conversation from behind as was started to move. "He's out cold -- we're taking care of him. We'll be back soon."