I D R I S

“Tell me who would you choose?! Tell me that you choose me!” I screamed at him.

His brown eyes locked with mine and looked at me apologetically, “I am sorry, Rees.”

‘I am sorry’ has been the words that I have hated for the past months now. I wonder why I am reminded of him again when it has been an entire year since I tried moving on from him.

Because it was pouring rain within the entire building, there were no words that could aid me at this moment. When I was listening to the news earlier today, I learnt that a storm was on its way and that it would arrive on the ground at around five in the afternoon. However, the thing that worried me the most was the scene that was directly in front of me; neither the rain nor the wind coming from outside bothered me greatly. From the inside, my heart was aching terribly, and I had the impression that my chest was about to explode with emotion.

“I am sorry, Rees.” Troy speaks to me as his eyes look very apologetic while my gaze is staring at my hands which were on my thighs.

Ahh, I hate it. Do not look at me like that Troy, like how he used to look at me a year ago.

I did not like how Troy was saying his sorry because he reminded me of him and I did not understand what Troy was actually sorry about but I know there is so much more that he wishes to let me know because of the way that he was looking at me. But then this gut feeling that was brewing deep down inside me was strong and I kind of know why he wanted to see me.

“W-What are you sorry for?” I asked him as my eyes travelled towards Eva, who was his close friend and became my friend as well in the same university as us, sitting close to him and they actually arrived here together. This feels absolutely uncomfortable and the way she is looking at me makes it even worse.

Troy groans inwardly as he scratches the back of his neck, “I do not know how to say it to you.”

Eva shakes her head as she crosses her arms over my chest, “Can I just say it?” She sounded annoyed. “This is getting annoying, Troy.”

Troy pulled his head up immediately towards Eva, “I will do it. Please, Eva.” He held her arm and looked at her as if his life depended on it. “Please. Let me do it instead.”

“Fine.” Eva mumbled as she rolled her eyes at Troy.

“W-What's going on?” I ask them as they seemed to be bickering over something that Troy finds it hard to tell me. “What is the matter, Troy?”

Troy sighs heavily, “Eva and I have been dating for eight months now.” He said it without looking at me as his eyes were glued on his own close friend Eva. Slowly he moved his eyes at me, “Behind your back. So I came here because I want to break up with you. I want to be with Eva.” He says it so firmly with certain eyes and it breaks me into pieces. “I… I am really sorry Rees.”

Ahh, I knew it. I suspected about it but I did not know it would be with her. It hurts more if it is always with a woman and Troy and I have been bickering about him having a woman in his life. I just did not know he was bisexual. I have felt that he has been cold towards me for weeks now and I just did not want to bother about it because maybe he was struggling with his internship but then it was absolutely something else. Here I am, completely stupefied and oblivious to who he has been cheating on me with and I did not expect that it would be Eva, my friend in the university. Funny how I even asked Eva if she thinks Troy is cheating on me since he has been kind of avoiding me the past few days.

It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts so much because I am being replaced by a woman.

Damn it, I might cry right now.

“I do not really have much things to say to you, Rees.” Eva speaks as she looks at me superiorly. She has always had that expression on her, the kind of face that makes little boys and girls want to leave her alone. “I have given you hints that maybe he is cheating on you, but you were the one who did not believe in it. You were the one who did not get it.”

“Eva please.” Troy tries to stop her as his eyes were looking more intensely at her, “Let me do it, please.”

She rolled her eyes at him once again.

Troy faces me, “You and I are such different people, Rees. We like different things. That is why I can not be with you anymore. Eva and I have planned to move in together since we go to the same company for our upcoming internship.” He slowly peeled his eyes away from me as if his words sounded like he had rehearsed it for the entire night since last night.

Troy looked at me more pitifully, “Eva to me is like a real partner that I can see myself spending the rest of my life with. Getting married and having kids.”

My lips tremble with those words as it breaks me.

He added, “She is someone that I can depend on especially when problems arise. You on the other hand, I don’t… I don’t see you as a real partner. I never had. You… You are like a lost puppy under the rain that I needed to take care of because I felt pity. You are not a partner. You are an extra baggage.”

Damn it.

Damn it all.

“So now that we said what we really came here for, I think you already understand the entire situation now, Rees.” Eva interrupts Troy and he lets her. “Troy and I are dating so you have to leave us alone.” She stood from where she sat and Troy immediately followed.

“W-Why?” I finally had the courage to ask them as they abruptly stopped from leaving. I clenched my fists under the table and tried to prevent myself from crying but I could not even stop them from falling anymore. “For an entire year together… why? Why did Troy lie to me? Why did Eva lie to me?”

“That is something you have to figure out yourself. No one would want to be with a gay man for the rest of his life thinking about the future and not being able to reproduce or carry your own child.” Eva answered, sounding annoyed as they walked out of the restaurant while the rain was still pouring outside as they rushed to Troy’s parked car.